4.5 yr old needs constant attention

[Sarmham]

My LO is a ball of energy..he is always busy and can get extremely hyperactive. Nothing really tires him out. He is also extremely sensitive. Lately he has been lashing out-throwing things in a rage, hitting me and being destructive. This generally happens when he doesn't get his own way immediately or when there are other people around/I have to take a call. I am really trying the peaceful parenting route but my patience is running out as this keeps happening. He has a little sister and both me & his dad work so we cannot attend to his every need all the time. It's exhausting and I'm reaching tethers end. Any tips greatly greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Oh and he pretty much never listens to me or does what I ask him....

I have a DS the same age. If he kicks up a fuss we send him to his room to calm down when it isn't justified. I usually say something the lines of 'that's enough now, I understand you're annoyed but its time to calm down. I'm going to count to 5 and if you're not calm, you can calm down in your room' - this usually works.

As for lashing out, I'd treat that as bad behaviour and naughty step him.

hth

The lashing out really is unacceptable and you need to impose consequences for this or it will only continue and likely escalate.

Whwn DD2 gets like this I say nothing, and move her to a time out space (bottom of the stairs) , leave her there and go back to the other DC and give them lots of attention. She soon snaps out of it and comes back calm and wanting to join in. By gettibg no reaction at all from us she soon gets bored.

Yep time out to calm down. Try to stop it from happening before it goes to far. I appreciate this is a really hard thing to do. I usually tell mine if it's not acceptable at Nursery/school what makes you think it's acceptable at home? Then send them to their room.

Thanks so much all for the advice...I'll apply all tips and hope one/all work!

I agree that hitting needs to be dealt with firmly. But the other stuff - lots of energy, needing lots of attention, over sensitive, not listening - sounds pretty normal for a child of that age. Of course you can try techniques to calm him down, but I also think it helps to be realistic and not expect too much from him.

Yes I agree the rest of his behaviour is normal for his age...it was more to give the context (and to make myself feel better that I think I deal with it pretty well) but this new tendency to lash out is proving v difficult to deal with. I did ask him was he allowed behave like that in nursery earlier and he said no so perhaps there's some realisation dawning...
thanks again for listening & for advice😊

He may be feeling unsettled because they suddenly ramp up the "you're starting school soon" this time of year.
I think the fact the behaviour is new shows it's a reaction to something.

I agree with above poster about the calming down options. It's great to teach them to self soothe and will help him with playground politics when he gets to school!

Stalking this. My 4 year old is similar . Naughty step doesn't seem to do anything.

My dh isn't very good at the naughty step, you really have to follow the rules.

3 warnings (no, don't do x, this is your first warning, 2, 3 - go)

explaining to them calmly at their level why they're there & that they have to stay there for 4 minutes.

Rapid return until they do stay there

getting them to say what they did wrong and apologise before getting off

Cuddle

It works well here

Hmm I think I need to be clearer about the three warnings. I find she sits on the naughty step, cackles then runs off. Repeatedly. Meanwhile my elder child is upset by it all.

My 4 and a half year old is exactly the same. We ask him to sit on a "thinking" step in order to calm down and reflect on his behaviour. After 4 minutes, he can come off. If he won't stay, I keep putting him back whilst pausing the timer. Afterwards, I talk through the behaviour with him and give him a hug. His behaviour has been a bit better recently. Previously, I sent him to his room which just resulted in worse behaviour.

4 and a half year olds are difficult!

4 years olds are a handful, but maybe his diet needs some tweaking? Excess sugars can send kids over the edge sooo easily.