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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter will only poo in knickers or nappy!!!!

15 replies

LisaandLucy · 19/03/2007 13:01

We are absolutely desperate for help. Our daughter (now 3 years & 8 months)was successfully toilet/potty trained and all was well. Then she decided she would stop doing poos in the toilet or potty - at has been 6 months since she went to the toilet or potty for a poo! She poos every day in her knickers, often up to 12 times a day. We are constantly changing her and scrubbing or throwing out her underwear and her bottom is constantly sore. The medical profession has been it's usual useless self - if there's no tablet for it they don't want to know! We have tried everthing possible - reward charts, incentives, ignoring it, telling her off etc but nothing works. Today we have decided that the last throw of the dice is to take away her favourite toy that she takes everywhere (including to bed) if she does it in her knickers (which she has!). She will not get it back until she poos in the toilet or the potty. Our fear is that she is so determined/ frightened to go to the toilet that she will happily do without her toy. That would break our hearts as we all know how much she adores her toy. Where do we go if this final attempt fails? This issue is having a significant effect on the relationships between all three of us as we feel we aren't enjoying her as we should, she's on edge all the time and we're constantly short with each other as we're so stressed and tired all the time. We're really on the edge here - we have a foreign holiday in July and she starts school in September. I really do hope that someone out there can help us before we crack up!

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raspberryberet · 19/03/2007 13:10

The pooing so often could actually mean constipation - you often find that in constipated children, poo pushes its way past the blockage so they seem to have loads of poo accidents, but it's not something they have any control over - it's forcing itself out around the blockage. And because there's a blockage it hurts, so they don't want to go to the toilet, so the blockage gets bigger so it hurts more so they don't want to go to the toilet ... endless cycle. It's called encopresis and is very, very common.

Please don't punish her for soiling herself - it may be that she simply cannot help it. With encopresis, she won't even feel that she's pooed herself, let alone be able to control the poo. Plus, if you think it's because she's frightened to use the toilet, why punish her for her fear?

Will she ask for a nappy for a poo? Because if so, I think you might be well advised to let her have one. Take the pressure off her and off you, make pooing a more relaxed thing again.

Have you tried lactulose? It's a stool softener, which might make her poo soft enough that she can't hold it in and doesn't get constipated.

StrawberrySnowflakes · 19/03/2007 13:12

sounds like she cant stop it to me, like she has no control over it..so sad that you cant get medical help..try searching internet for any similar problems.

colander · 19/03/2007 13:13

Not tried this myself, but friends had the same problem. Does she give you a warning before she poos? If you see one coming, get a nappy that you have cut a hole in and sit her on toilet/potty if you can. The idea is that they feel safer doing it in a nappy but it is still going in the toilet IYSWIM. You may need to put her back in nappies for a couple of days first, then proceed to the holey nappies for a couple of weeks, then without. It worked for my friends DD anyway. HTH

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hex · 19/03/2007 13:14

Hi, my dd1 was like this a bit. If I remember rightly two things happened to resolve it. Firstly, when she did it, I said in a coolish distant voice 'mummy doesn't like you pooing in your knickers/nappy, etc) and turned away (for what seemed like an endless 2 minutes). Then sorted her out without looking at her, just matter-of-factly, no words. The second thing that happened - and this was key) - was that I joined forces with a mum of a girl similar age (who was potty trained) and tried to make sure dd1 was around when this other girl pooed in the potty (lots of praise for her). Oh, and we also got in to a routine of knowing when she was likely to poo, sat her on the potty, and left her alone. We went into another room nearby, saying 'tell us when you've finished'. I think this works quite well because we now do that trick with our 22 month old dd2 who has succcessfully pooed 3 times in her potty while left alone. It's been such a different experience with dd2 but she too has someone else to copy (her older sister). Reading back over this, I wonder whether the secret is to lay off the pressure ? like with strategy 1, it's just quiet disappointment, no more, no less; strategy 2 is someone else getting praise so the heavy focus isn't on yr dd and strategy 3, leave them on their own.

doggiesayswoof · 19/03/2007 13:19

Agree that punishment not a good option - do you feel that this is something your dd has a choice over? If raspberryberet is right, then punishing her will be pointless as she can't stop herself even if she wants to.

What does she say when you talk to her about it?

If I were you I would be really pushing the issue with GP/HV - don't give up with the medical profession - change your doctor if necessary. Does sound to me like a medical thing, esp since she was successfully 'trained' at one point.

Good luck with it, you have my sympathy, it sounds really hard.

Rosieglow · 19/03/2007 22:24

You have all my sympathy as we are in the same boat. DS is over 4 and I can't even remember when he last pooed in the toilet. We've been toilet training since about this time last year and I am sooo sick of washing out pooey pants (three pairs today plus one full wee).

We've tried every sort of incentive, reward, ingnoring it etc and it's made no difference. HVs have not had any advice other than to stop rewards and just leave him to it.

I'm getting really worried about school in September and it does seem to be spoiling everything as we are also having lots of rows. And if I've had a go at him about the poos that's when he won't go to the toilet for a wee either so then I get even more frustrated.

Sorry I can't offer any advice but you have all my sympathy. Hope the constipation advice might work for you. Don't think that's our problem though - just wish I knew why he won't do it in the toilet.

Today the last poo was such a mess that I had to shower him. I made him wash the pants out himself in the shower which he didn't like - but then neither do I!

Come back for a rant when it all gets too much!

juuule · 19/03/2007 22:38

Ask to be referred. Our dd was like this and it turned out to be a blockage high in her bowel. As Raspberry says her soiling was a result of encopresis. It is frustrating but the child can't help it. They know it upsets you but they are helpless to change anything and it can be very distressing for them. Don't punish your dd . Get a referral and find out what sort of problems she is having and get help for her. Our dd has been taking Movicol for 3.5years now and is now starting to reduce the dose. It really made a difference to her. Hope you get some help for your dd soon.

Some info here

Spidermama · 19/03/2007 22:42

Some very good information on here.

I just wanted to add my sympathy lisaandlucy. It must be really hard for you and stressful. Especially with school looming.

Best of luck.

colditz · 19/03/2007 22:46

Stop punishing her, you are upping her stress levels. It won't work anyway.

No child would choose to soil herself and get told off 12 times in a day. She obviously can't help it. Take her back to the doctors and raise hell.

colditz · 19/03/2007 22:49

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juuule · 19/03/2007 22:54

Oh and the fact that she is soiling up to 12 times a day suggests that it is involuntary leakage.

hbomb · 22/03/2007 13:34

My DD had exactly this problem was fine being toliet trained and then stopped pooing! We tried everything bribery/choc buttons/stickers and nothing worked.
Doc v unhelpful suggested lentils but as DD had never been constipated we knew this was not the issue.
Spoke to our HV and she said it is a common issue lots of children have and basically they do not like to poo! and will try and avoid it.

What worked for us was to use califig so she had to go! then dosed with lactulose to keep poo soft.We then put a nappy on if requested otherwise we "ignored" ( easier said than done) any jigging we associated with her needing a poo. This helped calm us down as much as her and took the stress out of the situation.

When she did a poo in nappy we then gave her a sticker for going so she knew it was a good thing to poo.

tartanchatterbox · 22/03/2007 17:22

Hi
my best friend's son had really bad toileting at the same time as my daughter.

The health visitor suggested cutting out the juice and milk,and sticking to water for a week. She thought the milk for him may be irritating his bowel, and the juice might be making him dehydrated!

It worked, he is now on a low-milk diet and his juice remains diluted.

For me it was just a fight between my daughter and I... and I suppose fear on her behalf or the mess. Eventually I took away the pants and the nappies and left her in tracksuit bottoms (with elasticated cuffs) It only took 2 poos in these for her to insist she use the tiolet from then on!

She lost her fear of pooing and felt it was easier to tidy up if whe did it in the tiolet!

juuule · 22/03/2007 18:12

"but as DD had never been constipated we knew this was not the issue."

Just wanted to say that it's not always that simple to know if they are constipated. We were more than surprised to find out that our dd was constipated as we thought she was loose. It's a common thing that the loose stuff seaps around the blockage.
It's possible that the Califig helped the constipation and the lactulose kept her going.

nally · 22/03/2007 18:31

Well I had this problem with ds. He was dry during the day for a year, but would not poo in the toilet and would cry if I insisted. He would do it in his pants instead. Then, after a while, he would ask for a nappy to be put on because he didn't want to dirty his pants. One day, when we got the end of a packet of nappies I told him that all the nappies were gone and that there were no more in the shops.... he looked worried but within days he was doing it on the toilet, without too much fuss.
I know I lied, but it worked. I am not sure what we would have done next if it hadn't.

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