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Parenting

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Struggling with ex and Feeling like the worst mum ever, struggling to keep going.

4 replies

user1496519620 · 03/06/2017 21:32

Hi, I'm new to this so bear with me. I'm a single mum to a wonderful 4 year old boy. I have multiple long term illness's and split from my husband three years ago. It's been a seriously hard few years for me, I've had to start again from living in a homeless hostel with a 1 year old to finally getting a house and having to furnish the place literally from scratch with very littles funds. I have found caring for my son very challenging as many days I find it hard enough to care for myself. I love my boy soooooo much and he is growing in to such a wonderful human being who makes me so proud of him. He is now seeing his dad every other weekend for the days (he's not happy to spend the night) and I'm so happy he is bonding with his daddy and I really hope they go on to have a proper relationship as he grows. The problem is my ex really doesn't understand how hard it's been looking after my boy all on my own whilst managing my illness and having to start everything over again. He has no respect for me and I know my son is noticing the tension between us now. My ex criticises my parenting all the time, he is always late on collection or drop off, and recently my son has been coming home saying things which break my heart, like "daddy hates you" and his behaviour is very boisterous and rude for a day or so after he's been with him. Every time I message him, which is only ever about our son, he always manages to turn everything in to an argument. I've tried to talk to my ex and ask if we can go through so things so we can just be parents to our son and work together but he isn't interested. I get so frustrated because I work so hard to show my son the right way to behave and how to love and be kind and caring and then he comes home a totally different boy. Today I shouted at him through sheer frustration that he was being rude and he hit me 😔 I feel so low that I just cried. I felt so hurt inside and so hopeless I don't know how to get my mental strength back and handle the situation properly. My ex told me that as soon as he is old enough to choose for himself my son would leave me and go and live with his dad. I can't bear this thought. I've worked so hard to give him a stable happy home, I've been my sons everything through every challenging step of his life. I couldn't bear to lose him but I can't help but think if my ex offers him all the things I can't provide financially then he really might want to go and live with him? What can I do? I feel like moving away for good, I don't want to deny my son his father and I know that would be wrong but I can't take the constant battle and misery he causes me. It's effecting my whole life and I'm always so cross or upset that it must be effecting my son too :-(

OP posts:
starpatch · 04/06/2017 16:50

Flowers it must be so hard managing with your health problems and now on top of that it sounds like conflict with your ex is really stressing you out.
I'm not sure how realistic your fears of loosing your son are. Would your ex really want him full-time ? Suspect he has no clue what hard work is involved. On top of that surely kids have to be a lot older like in their teens before courts would just ask them what they want? At four they look at the best interests of the child surely and continuity and being with mother are important.
Anyway sorry you are stressed out hope things improve soon. I found the family lives helpline really helpful it's 0808 800 2222 9am to 9pm

Mermaidinthesea123 · 04/06/2017 16:54

My ex husband did this to my son, I went to court over it and they decided it was too damaging for my son to see his father at all until he was grown up. It was considered to be a form of abuse.
Start taking notes of this behaviour.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 04/06/2017 17:14

Really can't help very much but didn't want you to go unanswered. If yiu split 3 years ago, are you now divorced and do you have a Court Order regarding arrangements for your son?

As for you, are you getting any help? Have you contacted Homestart? They might be able to give you a little support.

Saying that your son will leave you for him is a pretty horrible thing to say. Money isn't everything. You may not be able to give your son financially but there is more to life than stuff you can buy.

If he's telling your son that he hates you, that's an awful example. Personally, I would try not to sink to such an immature level.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 04/06/2017 17:48

X-posted with Star and Mermaid there Smile

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