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Original poster

FATHER'S RIGHTS

22 replies

Robinson1979 · 03/06/2017 11:38

Please can anyone help me with a mates situation.

He has found out his ex was pregnant when they split and child is now 3 this year. She didn't tell him about pregnancy and all her family blocked all access. Does he havery rights to child. As he wants to be part of their life if it's his child
How should he go about this?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/06/2017 11:40

Were they married? If so, the presumption will be that he is the father. What does he want to happen?

Original poster
Robinson1979 · 03/06/2017 11:44

No they weren't married. They wanted a baby but ended up splitting up and he heard she was pregnant but everyone denies it apart from her sister. But then blocked him.

He wants to know if he is a father and wants to be part of child's life

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/06/2017 11:47

Then he has no "rights" at all. Has he tried getting in touch with her? How come it's taken him 3 years to notice that there is a child?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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Brogadoccio · 03/06/2017 11:50

I think you have to acknowledge that there could well be more to this story than you are aware of.

Maybe the mother just blocked him to avoid the hassle of dealing with an x, but most mothers love their children and want their child to feel normal and loved by a father.

Before you become too heavily invested in to this story just remember to have your eyes open.

If he writes a letter saying that he would like to see the child if she allows it then if he wasn't controlling or threatening towards her in their relationship then she can't react to that letter with fear.

Original poster
Robinson1979 · 03/06/2017 12:02

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Robinson1979 · 03/06/2017 12:04

He had tried but because he blocked her can't speak to them. Letter sounds like a plan. I'll pass it on

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/06/2017 13:27

But I would strongly advise not getting involved.

Original poster
Robinson1979 · 03/06/2017 14:07

I'm not

OP posts:
SexTrainGlue · 03/06/2017 16:45

He doesn't have rights.

He does have responsibilities.

Firstly he needs to establish if this is indeed his DC - given that he did not establish anything about the possible future child when he heard of the pregnancy, this does not look promising. Especially as it seems she has gone to some lengths to remove him from their lives and her family are also keeping him away.

Why would they do this? If you do not know the reason - from someone other than your friend - do not touch this situation with a bargepole.

He is a grown up. Let him do his own research.

Mumchance · 03/06/2017 16:50

Honestly, OP, if he's an adult, he realises there are other ways of contacting someone other than by FB or phone. Surely it hasn't taken him three years to think 'Blimey, I could write a letter'? Also, you say 'he blocked her' , not vice versa -- why? Are you sure you understand fully the circumstances of the split and her family's position?

Daddy89997 · 06/06/2017 16:30

Some of the answers here are so stupid. "Let him do his own research"? Why can't op help his friend?

UsefulEustace · 06/06/2017 16:44

Or indeed help himself.

AuntieStella · 06/06/2017 19:40

Actually, if doesn't care enough to find out the standard ways of contacting someone (it's not as if letter-writing is particularly obscure), or to make the effort to see a family lawyer, is he really up for the sort of commitment that the child deserves?

BossaDad · 06/06/2017 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tamatoa · 06/06/2017 19:47

Très convenient that he 'missed out' on the awful newborn sleepless nights, and the awful, soul destroying toddler years and manages to find himself in the state of fatherhood just as the fun easy bits arrive.

Tamatoa · 06/06/2017 19:51

Also loving the caps lock thread title, because of course men's issues are much more deserving of notice than wimmins idle chatter Hmm

DawnOfTheMombie · 06/06/2017 20:05

Tamatoa Totally agree with you.

Mumchance · 06/06/2017 20:45

Actually, if doesn't care enough to find out the standard ways of contacting someone (it's not as if letter-writing is particularly obscure), or to make the effort to see a family lawyer, is he really up for the sort of commitment that the child deserves?

Or indeed an IQ into double figures?

WellThisIsShit · 06/06/2017 21:42

These first steps to establishing paternity and taking on the responsibilities of fatherhood aren't rocket science.

Anyone who hasn't quite managed to do it in over three years is not being honest about the reasons why.

Does the friend understand he has to pay for the child until they leave full time education? Is he willing to do this? Or, is it about causing a few arguments and scaring the mother with threats of 'going for full custody', then disappearing into the ether?

If it is genuinely about wanting to be there for his child and being a good father for the rest of his life, then great. Genuinely. I sincerely hope it works out for him.

Sadly the 'my ex won't let me see my child' thing is a well worn narrative that often does not stand up to scrutiny. I'd be wary about jumping in as saviour.

MycatsaPirate · 06/06/2017 21:46

He has no rights.

He has the responsibility to pay for the child's needs. And he has the responsibility to be a good father.

That means not being a dick and just wanting to see the child to 'get at' the mother.

JigglyTuff · 06/06/2017 21:52

He owes 3 years of back pay in child maintenance. I hope he's been saving up.

disneykid · 06/06/2017 22:12

If he had heard she was pregnant surely he should have done everything he can to find out sooner?

3 years down the line is terrible no matter who's fault it seems to be.

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