Anxious about my DD going to a childminder

[Starlight85]

Hi,

I'm a first time Mum to a 5 month old DD. I've suffered with anxiety since she has been born mainly around her and whether she is ok and I have spoken to people about this and am trying to work through it. I am better day to day.

She is EBF and so I haven't left her long but have been out a few times for a couple of hours and she has been with my OH and I've been ok.

In about 4 months I'm going to have to go back to work and she will most likely have to go to a childminder.

The idea of having anyone look after her who isn't someone I already know like a family member or something really upsets me. I hate that she might be upset and someone she doesn't know well will comfort her and it won't be me or someone she loves and the same with the idea of someone feeding her, driving with her in a car, putting her down for a nap etc. I also am upset that I may miss milestones etc like first steps and words. I think really I just want her to be with me or her Dad or a family member or close friend but that isn't possible with our situation.

She seems to be going through separation anxiety atm and often cries when other people hold her even people she knows well like her grandparents but is fine playing with them if she is sitting in her chair or something. I wonder if that's making me feel worse about her being with someone else all day.

Is this normal to feel like this? If it is please tell me it's got better once your little one has been there a while and both of you get used to it more.

Are you me? I could have written this exact post down to the last letter. I have no advice because I'm in the exact same boat, I'm already panicking about leaving dd with someone who isn't family - it keeps me up at night thinking about it, and I need the sleep! I'm hoping that once I've done it the first time it'll be easier, but I'm currently thinking of anyway possible to not go back to work

I hope someone comes along with some good advice for you, you sound like a lovely mum!

Would you be more comfortable with leaving your dd in a nursery where she'd be less likely to become dependent on one person (and you'd be ok if a child care provider were ill)?

Also in a nursery setting she'd be with a bigger mix of children. I know it's never easy deciding which way to go, and not everyone have both options.

I'm the same, I could literally cry just thinking of leaving her with someone who isn't family or a close friend that loves her and she loves.

I'm also trying to think of ways to not go back to work and even bought a lottery ticket for tonight in the very very very slim chance we win and I don't have to go back to work!

I'm hoping it's also easier but just imagining her being with someone we don't even know yet all day instead of me makes me so sad when I think of all the things we do in a day and that I know what she likes, how to make her smile and laugh etc.

I did think about a nursery but then I worried more about her having less one to one care if she was upset, needed changing, feeding etc

From my experience, nursery staff seem to be well trained. I have used both a nursery and a child minder for my 2 dcs and both were successful options. Nursery when younger and childminder when older.

I was in exactly the same boat, had to leave my daughter with a childminder at 9 months to go back to work. Really struggled with the idea and the first few days were really hard. She soon settled though. DD is now a confident, happy 2 year old who absolutely loves going there every day and gets to do so many activities that she never would have done just being at home all day with me! She has great social skills from being with other children all day and loves little babies. I've never worried about me not being there to comfort her as the staff (it's a large childminders so 4 staff and 10 children) treat her like one of their own and she loves them. The key is to find somewhere you are happy with and get a good feeling when you visit. I couldn't be happier with DD's experience and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

My childminder loved my kids and we are still in touch 10years later. My sil is a cm too and is amazing with all the children she's had over the years.
Find a good cm and you'll know you're DD will be just fine 🙂

A few months make a big difference OP.
My DC1 went to nursery at 6mo. She could only just sit up and seemed so tiny. I was distraught.

My DCs went to nursery at 12mo. He could crawl and walk a bit, was starting to be hard work at home (into everything!), and he got so much out of nursery.

Don't panic too much yet. Things will change.

I felt exactly like this when I went back to work. DD1 is 15 now but when I think about leaving her at that time it feels like yesterday.
We initially had a childminder which didn't work out so she went to a nursery which was brilliant.
She was the child who cried everytime I left her and everytime I picked her up - I could count on one hand the number of times she didn't cry being dropped off and she was there 2 1/2 years. She was fine in between times though - I know because I spent lots of time watching her through the window having a whale of a time.
When I ask her now how she feels about me having worked full time for her first 4 years she says it didn't matter - she can't remember much about that time anyway and it certainly hasn't affected her.
I think it is much harder for the mom than the child!
I wouldn't worry about missing milestones. I managed to miss most of my 2's, and it was always when we were at home but I was in a different room - nursery made no difference to that!
I know it's hard but don't feel guilty about working and doing what you have to.
She will be fine.

My son started with a childminder at 9 months of age and he LOVED it! At that age they get so much from being around other children and his development absolutely soared. He was surrounded by toys all day, interacted with other children all day and got taken out on all sorts of trips that he probably wouldn't have experienced if he'd been with me. He absolutely thrived.

I met up with 6 Childminder's before choosing the one I went with and as soon as I met her I just knew she'd look after him wonderfully. She was always buying him little gifts and treats, she adored him and I knew he was in good hands.

I did miss his first steps, but I saw his second ones and the millions of steps he has since taken so it really wasn't such a big deal.

About a month before I returned to work we started the 'settling in sessions' where I would leave him with her gradually increasing lengths of time in the knowledge that if there were any problems I was simply sitting at home and could collect him at any point. The first settling in session I left him for about two hours, then a few sessions later we turned it into half day sessions and then a week before I returned to work she had him for two full day sessions. By the time I actually started back at work he'd about 10 sessions with her already and so my DS was completely familiar with her and all the other children she had, she knew his routines, his personality etc and they had a very genuine bond.

He's coming up 3.5 years old now and he still goes to her and he still loves it!!!

It will be fine OP, really

The key is to find a childminder that you love.

Of course it's going to be hard leaving her with someone that isn't family, but if it's someone you like and trust, it's much easier.

I hated leaving DS but he loves his CM, she loves him too, her whole family were lovely and DS still talks about them all.

We're still in touch (we moved away) and I love the relationship they had.

I'm as childminder. My mindees are part of my family.

Today I'm not working but still have one of my brood with us as she and DD are best friends and she asked if she could come with us.

Meet a few people, visit some nurseries, you'll find someone who is the right fit for your family.

I think what you are feeling is totally natural and I would worry if you were not upset at leaving your 5 month old. She is still very young and you are still very hormonal especially as she is EBF. However, you have another four months to get yourself used to the idea and in that time she will start to gain a little independence from you through weaning, crawling etc and will interact more with other people. My first started nursery at 10 months and initially it was difficult and I had to deal with the guilt etc but it did get easier and she thrived in the nursery environment. I also felt like I regained part of me going back to work and was happy to be someone other than Mummy (although others are happier being a SAHM and I totally respect that). I think the main thing is being satisfied with the level of care they are receiving and liking the childminder/key worker. They are professionals and are used to settling in new babies and easing your concerns and will hopefully make the transition easy for you.

oh bless you, it really is so difficult, and this post could have been 5.5 years ago.

if it helps, my DD started with her Childminder when she was 9 months old. The night before her first day, i cried, just cried all the time - cried getting her stuff ready for the following morning, cried doing her food ready, cried putting her to bed - cried!

dropped her off in the morning - cried!

my daughter is now 6 and is still with the childminder during school holidays, and after school. she absolutely adores her and runs around her house like its her own. they have such a good relationship. Its mad to think that Childminder has had the pleasure of watching my daughter grow as well.

My DD is my first, childminder has been doing job for over 20 years. i found her a great comfort and help whenever i had concerns or worries over DD - whatever our babies/children throw at them, they can handle!

Its perfectly normal, and ok to feel anxious about it, and you probably will for a while. Eventually this will settle and you'll feel ok about it