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Parenting

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Original poster

Anyone had dealings with social services?

22 replies

Gwendoline · 09/07/2004 22:33

In January of this year I split from my partner, My mother in law in revenge called social services and told them that I had gone out and left my child.This was a complete fabrication though when they came round the house was a mess.It soon became apparent that there were question marks over me and the fact that ellen wasn't potty trained at 2 and a half was a concern to them. Though I have read that it can be as late as 3.I think my anger at the way me and my daughter have been treated hasn't helped me and I am now on the at risk register for ellen not being potty trained.The other day they made me throw all my carrier bags out as they can explode. When will this madness end?

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motherinferior · 09/07/2004 23:03

Sounds very, very odd to me. Is it one social worker? I write a fair bit on social services and/or child protection issues, and this strikes me as a very peculiar reason to give for putting a child on the at risk register.

Hmmmm. Will ponder.

DD1 wasn't potty trained till well over two and a half, btw.

coppertop · 09/07/2004 23:06

Ds1 is still in nappies and he's 4yrs old! It seems like a bizarre decision to me.

mummytojames · 09/07/2004 23:16

gwen i have had a few run ins with social servises but iwould request a meeting with the head of there department as it seems very strange to put your dd on the risk list because she aint potty trained as there seems themother in law has said alot more for her to be on the list your rightsare to request the reasons of why she is in the list and why they think she is at isk hope this help they can be a bloody pain

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BlossomHill · 09/07/2004 23:24

Gewndoline - That is total madness about potty training, my ds was over 2.5 and my dd was 3. I tried but they did it when they were ready. What would they think if we forced it on our children against their will - is that acceptable? This country has gone mad...
Hopefully this will be sorted out soon!

Slinky · 09/07/2004 23:24

Sounds very strange to me as well! I would do as MummytoJames suggested and contact someone else in Social Services to discuss your case.

Also to add, DD2 didn't potty-train until she was 2yrs 8 months (and I've seen children at nursery where I worked still in nappies older than that!)

and secondly, I have 2 drawers-full of carrier bags - I reuse them for shopping and I need them to put my recycling out in!

I've never heard of anything as ridiculous - makes me bl*dy mad that whilst someone out there is beating the living daylights out of their child on a daily basis, they're hassling you over potty-training and carrier bags!!!!!!

daisy1999 · 09/07/2004 23:27

OMG exploding carrier bags - something else to worry about . Am calling the bomb squad as we speak as I have a cupboard full of dangerous carrier bags

Batters · 10/07/2004 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmb · 10/07/2004 00:20

Dd was 3 when she was finaly 'done' and ds was 3.5. Most of my friends kids were sometime between 2.5 and 3.5 tbh. Those that tried early just took ages.

mummytojames · 10/07/2004 00:26

i forgot to addthat social servises came into my house once and seen plastic carrier never said a word about that this woman is of her roker if it was on the floor where she could put it over her face and suffacate then yes they are dangerous i got to admit they would have a field day if they came to my house now i got a nine month old boy no child saftey stuff (dont need them yet hes either around us constant or in the play pen where he cant escape) and plus i got one of those carrier bag bins because being in a flat with a comunal shoot you cant fit normal bags down it

Paula71 · 10/07/2004 00:45

Exploding carrier bags - is she mad? Seriously I have never heard such tosh in my life! I better get the (aptly abbreviated) SS round as I have an IKEA wall carrier bag holder absolutely full!

And not only that but neither ds twins (aged 2 1/2) aren't fully potty trained, nowhere near it in fact. Ds twin1 did a wee in the potty tonight though, just thought I would say that

Considering that (as I have mentioned on other threads) the SS haven't taken the children from our druggie neighbours despite the fact they are most definately not looked after properly, I find it appalling they should pick on you like that, Gwendoline. Don't let them bully you!

misdee · 10/07/2004 00:46

someone is having a laff surely.

SofiaAmes · 10/07/2004 01:54

All sounds really strange. It's ludicrous that a child should be at risk because they aren't potty trained at 2.5. I think that you should request a meeting with someone senior at social services and voice your concerns. Maybe point out that is seems like they are being used as pawns by your ex and his mil and you are concerned that this is diverting resources from real cases.

JulieF · 10/07/2004 01:59

Ellen is a lovely name! My Ellen is also 2 and a half and not potty trained either. My house is also constantly a tip and I horror of horrors sometimes leave her with our vary placid and small dog.

You need to get some sort of appeal in progress, this is appalling.

unicorn · 10/07/2004 02:06

hmm this is very interesting... had to take ds (who's 2 and a half)to A+E on sat morning- as he had been up all night screaming (viras/infection as it turned out)...
but the paediatric nurse made a point of asking- was he in the nappy just for now, or was he always in a nappy

Is there some new "mad" rule going round child protection/social services that says kids must be out of nappies or it is possible abuse???

fairyfly · 10/07/2004 02:07

Have they told you exactly what has been reported to them, what is it they are investigating and the role they are going to play. What is it they are hoping to achieve? Start asking questions and get to the bottom of it, social services really shouldn't be in your house looking for plastic bags, they are busy enough. Do you trust and have a good relationship with your health visitor? If so i would ask her for advice and an insight into what is going on.

aloha · 10/07/2004 03:06

This sounds crazy. Surely there must be more to it? My son is three in September and really nowhere near being potty trained.

wobblyknicks · 10/07/2004 09:44

That's mad about the potty training!! I've got at least one baby book that even advocates leaving your child 'untrained' until the next summer - even if that makes them over 3 - so that they can run around with no nappy on (to help training). As long as they're not ridiculously old then it should be up to you. I was still in nappies just after I turned 4 and the teacher at my school knew and couldn't have cared less!!

Social services/whoever demands your child should be potty trained are utterly stupid IMO

carla · 10/07/2004 10:28

I think it's very, very strange. Both my dd's were over 3 before they were out of nappies. And our local Somerfield supermarket has an enormous, official 'Place your used carrier bags in here for recycling' box, and the bomb squad haven't closed them down ....

Poor you, Gwendoline. Don't know what to advise, but someone will. XX

Original poster

Gwendoline · 11/07/2004 00:29

Thanks to everyone there is more to it. They don@t feel that I am strict enough with Ellen and think that my Household lacks routine and Boundaries.Whatever that means. I am not sure what stepmother said to social services except that they thought i had left ellen on her own.They spent the week with me and had a problem with ellen disobeying me.I have been extremely angry as I believed that week would have cleared me. Thankyou so much!

OP posts:

Branster · 11/07/2004 00:54

Gwendoline, first of all you are entiteled to see the record of the allegations made against you, they should present you with a report of the phone call or letter sent to them even if the information was anonymous. You must tell them about the situation with your MIL as it would make them realise these are malicious allegations and they should not waste time and public money on finding problems wher ther aren't any. Secondly, ask for the name of the manager of the person you saw and contact them yourself and explain how you felt you have been treated. Make sure they send you a written copy of the report they produce (which you are entiteled to keep for yourself). You must discuss each point raised by them as some of this stuff is absolutely ridiculous to me. If you don't want them to pick on the smallest details (as they appear to be probably because there's not much for them to go on) do make sure you keep a fairly tidy and safe environment. I'm not implying you are not already, you're obviously a caring mum, but just to be on the safe side be extra vigilant. I find it absolutelly appaling what you are going through and if anything i think the social services should help you rather than put you down with stupid findins which bear no relevance to safe upbringing of a child (the nappies thing). That's why it is imperative you tell them these were malicious allegations. Stand up for yourself. Nobody has the right to question your parenting abilities when it's clear you are doing so much for dd. and i don't see how can they make you throw away your own property (carrier bags or anything else for that matter). If it is kept away from the child, what is the problem?! You must't feel in any way threatened by anyone to make you do such things. And you'll potty train when dd is ready and that's the way it is, you know your daughter better than anyone else.
Let us know how you get on and take care!
xxx

HiddenSpirit · 11/07/2004 00:57

Sorry, but I'm starting to think troll here. First it was MIL now it's step mother?? Only 2 posts by her?

Sorry if it's not the case, but seemed a bit fishy to me from the start.

Branster · 11/07/2004 00:57

as for being too soft on dd, this is such a stupid thing to say!! poor you...it's a toddler, ofcourse she's do her best to get her own way. would they keep monitoring you for longer or is this it? that's why you need to talk to their superior and explain what is happening.

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