Need MN advice: what would you do if you caught your 8-year old DS shoplifting?

[thirtysomething]

No joke - took my usually very well behaved ds with me to the local supermarket this afternoon. He asked if he could look at the Easter eggs whilst I dashed round the veg. (aisles very close together) so I said yes as it's only a small shop. Came back to see him standing looking very furtive with his back to me, realised he was putting stuff in his coat pocket! Challenged him, he said he was fiddling with his gloves, I emptied the pockets and lo and behold he'd put two packets of chewing gum in there (banned in our house). What's more he said a friend had offered him a tenner to get them!!! We are completely shocked that he could do something so dishonest. He is usually very law-abiding and has never been in trouble at school. We have tried to stay calm and have spent a lot of time this afternoon talking through all the issues involved with him. He is feeling very sheepish. However we need to agree on a punishment severe enough that he never gets tempted to repeat this! WHat would you do?

I grew up in a small shop and it was very very common for the local kids to go through a shoplifting stage between 8-12. My mum put the fear of god into them and generally was only a problme once with the nice ones.

Have you thought of taking him to see the shop manager to explain what happens to shop lifters. I assume you could call in advance and explain the situation.

thanks SJ it's reassuring to know that it's common and should be a one-off (and that he's not necessarily going to be set on a career of criminality...!)DH suggested we take him to the Police station to get them to explain, but I thought that was a bit over-doing it! Shop manager is a good suggestion! Thanks

My mum took me to the shop to give the stuff back - I nicked an eyeshadow when I was 8. It was terribly embarrassing and I never did it again.

My sis took Dn to the police station when he was caught doing something wrong and he didn't repeat it either.

oh, was that you ucm?

i nicked some eyeshadow too when i was 14 and i didnt live it down for years, got a talking to by the chief of police and everything..[shame]

I stole from a shop and just my parents finding out was enough to stop me. We are having this problem to. My 9yr olds freind has been stealing from the local shop and has asked ds to do it to. He told me about it.He knows it is wrong to do it. I am glad he spoke to me about it ,but I am still worried he wil do it. I told him I done it because a friend told me to and the freind never got caught and I did.

Take him to the shop manager for a dressing down is the answer. He'll be mortified, which is the effect you're after. The police may well be too busy to deal with it in the style you need -- the manager is affected much more directly by stealing, and can almost certainly be relied on to deliver the goods, telling-off-wise.

I shoplifted at the age of about 8 in our local minimarket (with a group of friends, no adults). We were caught, or at least I was because I was a useless shopflifter, and was taken to the manager's office, bollocked severely and forbidden from entering the shop again. Since it was the main shop my relatives used for their groceries, I lived in fear of being recognised when I had to go with them.

Suffice it to say, I never felt the need to go through the teenage shoplifting thing when all my friends did.

thanks for all your replies, have reassured me that it is a normal stage kids go through. We have decided to withold pocket money for the next 6 weeks and instead donate it to a charity of DS's choosing to give him a chance to make something good come out of his actions - he is quite greedy financially at the moment and it was the lure of a ten pound note from his friend which (he says!) made him do it...We think he needs to realise that chasing money and material things can make you unhappy and that he should be content with what he has!

I would make him apologise to the owner and them ground him for a week or two.

A friend of my SIL called up the local police station and asked them to come and have a 'chat' with her ds (he was about 8 or 9 at the time). They were really good about it and said they wished more parents would do the same thing. They came over and talked to the lad about what he had done and what would happen if he got caught doing it again. He didn't believe she'd really do it so he got a real shock when they turned up at the door. He didn't do it again though.