Dilemma...please help

[Bex2110]

We are visiting family this weekend, a few of whom smoke. I'm a first time mum and really warey of the smokers holding our 6 week old son. I really don't want him breathing in second hand smoke and also I don't really want him to smell of smoke. I am aware of the sids risk and am in a bit of a tizz about it. Is there a polite way to ask them to wash their hands/change their clothes before they hold the baby? If not I feel like i will just have to refuse them.

Please help

Hmmm I would just hold onto him and say he needs feeding, then disappear. Is there any of your relatives who would understand?

That being said SIDS is not caused by a smoker holding a baby for 5 minutes, I would insist they smoke outside and that they wash their hands. At this stage they will probably think you are being precious but just laugh and be polite.

Washing hands is a very reasonable request. And very easily done.
Changing clothes? Not so much...
But your baby, your choice...

I wouldn't go and visit them. Let them come to you and insist on no smoking or they don't come.

It's a tricky ine. I've thought of maybe taking a blanket and giving them that to hold him in. At least that way he won't have direct contact with their clothes. It's even more difficult because they have two young children themselves and smoke around them so they definitely don't have the same hang ups as me. I know I am being a bit precious but I just can't help it.

It's not precious at all, if they smoke round their own kids I would not be visiting them at all, clearly don't give a monkeys about the kids health

You totally have the right to say something and with good cause. I was a smoker before I found out I was pregnant and gave up immediately. My partner still smokes (never in the house or car) but since we've had our daughter I have made him wear a hood whilst smoking to cover his hair then have a full outfit change, wash his hands and brush his teeth before even coming back into the room where the baby is. Same for family members, asked them not to have a cigarette in the hour leading up to coming to visit baby, taking off coats that have been smoked in and smokers or non smokers should really wash hands anyway when meeting a newborn. It's your baby, people should respect your wishes. My mum even stopped smoking in her house and car altogether even though we rarely see her.....not worth the risk!

Buy a pump of hand sanitizer and ask them to use when ever they are touching your lil one :)

Just refuse them. There's no way I'd let any smoker ever handle my baby, regardless of if they changed clothes or wash hands.

I really want to refuse them. It's the only way I can think of that will put my mind at ease...I just don't know how to say it. I can't really say 'sorry, you can't hold the baby because you smoke', can I?

I really want to refuse them. It's the only way I can think of that will put my mind at ease...I just don't know how to say it. I can't really say 'sorry, you can't hold the baby because you smoke', can I?

You can say that! My DIL didn't let her own father hold the baby if she could smell smoke on his clothes or breath. It helped him cut down. My DD also used the sling a lot to avoid "pass the baby" people are inclined to wrench them from your arms but is much harder with a sling. Find some advice online from NHS or whatever and explain that you're anxious about this and back it up with that info. Absolutely your prerogative! Another useful phrase when challenged is "it's how we are doing things" or "times have changed" don't enter into debate, be calm and polite.

If you don't see them that often, I personally wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'd suggest going out for a lunch so you don't have to spend as much time in their house, and stay in a hotel if overnight thing. But, I wouldn't refuse a smoker holding my baby if it was once in a blue moon. I think that's OTT.

I warned smokers in our family in advance of my rules, rather than put them on the spot unexpectedly, as I thought they'd be less defensive and have time to think about it or look up info.

I basically said "oh, just thought I'd pre-warn you that we're not letting any smokers hold dd within an hour of having a cig and without having a fresh top and a wash first. Been researching second & third hand smoke impacts and based our plans on that. Hope you understand and she's looking forward to cuddles!"

Never had a single person complain.

You are not being precious or unreasonable. I would NEVER have taken my babies around to a smoker's house or let a smoker hold them. Not a chance. As a mom, it's really important for you to learn how to be assertive and strong, because this won't be the last situation you'll have to deal with. Who CARES if these people don't like your decision. Not their baby, not their choice.

I would just say please no smoking before holding babies. I told all my friends this before they came for a visit and they all understood and of course none smoked before. I just explained my worries. It's the same as if you have a cold, you wouldn't go and hold a newborn bc you don't want to pass it on.