Does society value sahp's?

[wildflowerfable]

Since becoming a sahm, I have sometimes felt that generally speaking many people don't value the role or understand why someone would choose it.

Every family makes different decisions, whether it be working full/part time, working because they have to, or working because they choose to (meaning they could financially cope having a parent at home). I really don't care about others decisions, as there is never one right way to do things, just what you believe is best for your family.

But so often, people make jibes about me staying at home. People have said "it just isn't what people do now", and implying it is wrong for me to be financially dependent on Dh. Also, if I worked we would be entitled to child tax credits even if Dh earnt twice his salary, but because I don't we don't get anything. We cope okay without child tax credits, I am just pointing it out. I feel as though so much of our society is geared towards both parents working (but then perhaps families where both parents work would say the opposite, I don't know).

Dh and I figured out that if I was to work part time and we put dd into nursery (we don't live near family), with the extra help we would get from the government we would actually be taking more money than I would give back in tax, as my previous job which is what I'm trained in isn't too well paid. So staying at home for us makes the most sense, as well as the fact I enjoy it.

Does anyone else feel the same, or perhaps have any insights?
Thank you.

society is set up to help working parents more than sahp's

from a working parents POV, the exact opposite of this is true....13 weeks school holiday but only 4 weeks annual leave, school plays etc all within the working day, short notice for daytime events/need for costumes, cooking ingredients etc etc....dont get information from teachers as not doing school runs etc

i

child care costs which are as high as wages..

I don't know about "society" valuing sahps, but I certainly agree with stealth's point about people's expectations of mothers. When our son was born my partner and I worked at the same place, in the same job, on the same grade. He is perfectly happy with where he is; I am ambitious. We decided that he would reduce his hours in order to care for DS, and I would return to work full time after mat leave. This was met with astonishment by our colleagues. I've had people imply that I'm under DP's thumb/have PND/haven't bonded with DS. I can guarantee no one would have raised an eyebrow if I was the one spending more time at home.

teapotter I know my mil found people judged her lots when she was a sahm to school aged children too. As far as I'm concerned, as long as you and Dh are happy and you can afford it, it really isn't anyone else's business. It's a are shame that you have to justify yourself as well. I agree with a pp there is often a 'competition' over who is busier/has a harder life which is a shame.

user that's a really good point about school things. I used to work in a school nursery and it was always the same few parents that came along to the reading cafes etc, as the teachers always planned it so last minute that only the sahp's could come.

It's interesting thinking about the sahd's out there. I don't personally know any, but I wonder if judgement is harsher on them than mum's.

I think in general people don't value/devalue or undervalue stay at home parents. I think our opinions on the value society places on either stay at home parents or working parents is influenced by the circles we move in. I have met lots of different groups and when they are dominated by stay at home mothers there is general approach to under value the working mother.

cynara I have been thinking that actually, as there is always the expectation it will be the mum.

I think people sometimes believe that what is best for their family is what everyone should do. Also, if someone is insecure in their choices it can be a defense mechanism - a friend of mine often spoke about how she just couldn't stay at home with he dc, she would be bored and wanted value at work, and could be a little judgemental towards me staying at home. She recently told me she was dreading going back to work soon, as she's been off on maternity with her second and wishes she didn't have to leave them. I didn't know she felt that way.

Of course lots of parents are happy with their choice to stay at home/go to work, but it must be hard when it's not an option sometimes.

I think this discussion will go on for ever. Looking at the stats, only ten percent of women are stay at home mums or economically inactive as government coins it.

Yet our schooling system is still somewhat antiquated and has not moved to adjust to that change in demographic. The socioeconomic change and subsequent decline in women staying home has been huge over the last thirty years.

Stay at home dads are increasing, but is still just over one percent of men.

Successive governments have done what they can to encourage women into the workplace, from free nursery care on, and this in turn can create a stigma for those who chose not to work, male or female.

I think society understands, values and accepts when there is preschool kids involved, I think where there is less value placed is when the kids are at school.When someone says I'm a stay at home parent to a fifteen year old, we kind of collectively raise our eyebrows and no there isn't as much value placed against that.

In addition, as the vast majority of men and women both work and still manage to bring up happy well balanced, well adjusted kids and run a home, then I think that's where society starts to question the value of a stay at home parent after kids are at school age.

My honest answer, speaking as "society" is no. I don't value SAHPs. I'm working to pay taxes to educate your kids- the least you could do is contribute to the pot.

But what if the one parent who does work pays more than double your taxes

justhere did you read my previous posts, where I have mentioned that I would actually end up taking more money from the 'pot' if I was working right now? Also my dd is one and not in school, I will personally work once she's school age I think (but don't judge those who don't). Also as I'm at home my Dh pays more taxes than if I worked too. It's more complicated than your comment I think.

No not really. I was on mat leave /sahm till my twins were 15 months I fail to see how I added value to society. I don't care that I didn't I wanted to stay home so I did! Stop worrying about other people and "society" do what's right for you

justhere did you read my previous posts, where I have mentioned that I would actually end up taking more money from the 'pot' if I was working right now? Also my dd is one and not in school, I will personally work once she's school age I think (but don't judge those who don't). Also as I'm at home my Dh pays more taxes than if I worked too. It's more complicated than your comment I think

I answered the question you asked- "Does society value SAHPs?"

I answered from my perspective.

The fact that you are a drain on society whether you work or not does not negate that.

justhere okay I understand that you were asking more of the title question now, rather than my posts. I don't believe that I'm a drain on society at all, but of course you're entitled to your opinion. My Dh does an amazing job at keeping society safe, but as it's shifts it's hard for me to work along with my other points. We all see things from a different perspective I guess.