Struggling

[MiniAlphaBravo]

I feel like such a shit parent and general failure as I'm struggling to cope with my two kids and keep on top of house work, cooking and laundry. I have no excuses as I even have a cleaner once a week and dh does some stuff as well.

Dd1 is 2.5 and has always been highly strung but has recently become a total handful. Most days she has two or three tantrums where she turns purple with rage, screams her head off and gets really upset over basically nothing. She's fine again straight after but I cant bear it. She often screams 'mummy' in this awful moaning wail and it drives me crazy. She hits her 12 week old sister sometimes and she won't really play by herself anymore, she wanders round following me a lot of the time and again it drives me crazy. She is also always wanting to paw at my boobs as I'm breastfeeding dd2 and I think she's jealous of that. Dd2 is an easy baby but she does wake up every 2-3 hours to feed overnight and dd1 has begun waking regularly as well, sometimes 5 times overnight. I actually get really angry when she does this and end up shouting at her. I am so tired and just feel like I am not coping and hating maternity leave. I also feel bad that I'm blaming dd1 as she is of course lovely at times but she is much harder work than the baby I guess. I feel so dehydrated as I barely get a chance to drink and am breastfeeding so I get lots of headaches.

Literally have no clue how people cope with more than 2 kids!! I am so pathetic as some people manage really well with loads and I can't even keep the house tidy and not lose my temper with two. Terrified of ever getting pregnant again as well.

Not sure why I'm posting, suppose I want people to say that she will grow out of it in a few weeks and will all be nice and easy soon. Maybe just to vent as nobody else would care. Thanks for reading my moaning!!! I'm not cut out to be a mother.

You are at THE hardest bit. This will soon pass and honest to God it gets easier. But a toddler and a new baby is really really tough!

Cut yourself some slack. I've been where you are now and it gets easier. As for not drinking enough buy or fill some empty bottles with water and keep in the fridge and grab one whenever you settle for a feed, dehydration will make the tiredness and moods worse.

You are doing amazing, despite how you're feeling. A lot of us, if not most, could have written your post. How many times do we all say "I'm not cut out for this!". As pp have said, dehydration will make you feel worse so a grab bottle is a great idea. Being sleep deprived is also making things worse, there's a reason that's used as a form of torture in some places! You will get through this one minute at a time. I think you could be right, your eldest could be harbouring some jealousy towards baby, how about baby gets a little gift for your eldest? Try and make her see baby as a friend, it worked wonders for me. Keep telling eldest how lucky baby is to have her as a big sister. My eldest now can't do enough for her baby sister. You will get through this, forget house work for now, in the whole scheme of things it really doesn't matter and in reality it's only going to be like this for a short while. Look at what you have achieved, not what you haven't. It's hard work now but it does get easier. You're not alone, many many feel the same.

One day when I was at this stage with two with a similar age gap, a friend came round, took one look at me, and said "Go to bed"and took the children away. I have no idea where they went or what my BF baby ate, but I do know that it saved my life!

It is the worst time, but it passes.

Btw I am also very unorganised, and my kids are older than yours, and I'm running on a full 8 hours unbroken sleep. "Everyone fed, no one deadman" is enough. Stuff everything else! X

Keep talking, you are not alone.

And blogs like that to the right of my Mumsnet screen (New Mums, don't lose who you are) do not help at all!! Mumsnet please note!!

Are you me OP? I could have written this a few months back. DD1 was two and a half when DD2 was born and was awfully jealous, displaying many of the behaviour traits you've described. She's still really over bearing with her little sister, but I've found keeping her occupied really helps to keep her focused away from DD2. I try to give her a bit of my time if little one naps. DD 2 is one next week and this year has been a roller coaster of emotions. Try to get some water in you, it will make you feel so much better.

As for the housework, just do the bare minimum and let the cleaner pick up the slack for now, give yourself a break, you've not long had a baby!!

I get it OP. I have 2 boys with a 17 month gap. Youngest Is almost 1 and i can honestly say that this has been the hardest year of my life, no contest.

It gets better when you start to get more sleep- although the days are still very tough.

I've had a lot of the same thoughts you've had about being rubbish at this and not being cut out to be a mother and so on. I'm also scared shitless of getting pregnant again by accident even though I'm religiously taking the pill!

My toddler is also a total handful and still is very jealous of the baby.

Lots of hugs. Eat lots of sugar and drink more to get through if you can! Also accept any help you can get and lower your standards!

Yup been there, I found saying "it doesn't really matter" helpful about most stuff

Give yourself a pat on the back, and soon both will be older, baby is now 6 months and it is all getting more manageable

Make it as easy for youself as you can - I found getting out somewhere where I could BF in comfort and the older one can run around and exhaust themselves the best plan, as then I also can't see the mess in the house

Thanks all you're all wonderful people for reading and responding, has been good to read all these stories. Didn't have a great night but feeling more positive this morning. Even though toddler has already tantrumed as I was trying to give her a sticker for being good (yellow one not good enough!) anyway gave her some cuddles and she calmed down. Definitely agree with getting out of the house, we were in all day yesterday and that was probably why I was feeling particularly low. Was also trying to potty train dd1 which meant clearing up loads of wee from the floor and doing even more washing than usual. She said she didn't want to wear her pants today so I'm going to leave that one for a while to take that stress away also. Thanks again.

You need to stop beating yourself up right this minute! You just had a baby 12 weeks ago! Your body is still going crazy with hormones and breastfeeding. You also have a 2.5 year old and that age is trying even without a new baby! Try to relax, meditate for a few minutes here and there, and cry if you need to. Also, you mentioned that you're dehydrated... Dehydration is like a wrecking ball in your body. Make sure you drink plenty of water!

As others have said, it is so hard at that stage! One thing I found helpful for not drinking enough is to have drinks available if possible in every room. If I got myself a drink of water but left it in the kitchen I could not get back there to drink it often. Of course it depends whether your toddler will knock the drinks over and add to your stress but the bottle of water is a good idea as NotEven suggests. I found that I didn't drink enough until I did this. It adds to your washing up but can make such a difference to drink.

I'm right there too! I've got a tricky nearly 2 year old DD and a DS who's 13 weeks. I stopped BF pretty much about 2 weeks ago and it has got sooooo much easier. The baby is an angel but he was finding it really hard to settle I think because he was hungry! I think I have supply issues though so probably different for you. Worth thinking about though, I'm all for BF but not if it starts making mum and kids misserable.

Otherwise we try and get out as much as possible to stop me going crazy! Lots of dog walks, picnics, visiting folks. Also get my mum to look after the baby while I spend some quality time with toddler.

Its not the easiest of times though.. I'm thinking it can only get better!

Hi
I am there with you - 2.5 years and 7 week old!

Some times it just feels impossible - other times it feels like I have some control!

I also have a cleaner and quite a bit of help so feel like I 'should' be able to cope fine but I'm not!!

It's hard on little sleep to think straight and keep a handle on things - my toddler is fairly well bahaved but is still very full on and is constantly wanting to be picked up.

Some days I'm ready to go out by 9am and other days I can't get it all ready till gone 11 and I haven't worked out why - it seems to be luck! Toddler compliance and baby sleep times?!

Anyway it must get easier or I will go insane haha! X

Oh and the things I am doing religiously without fail which I would recommend...
Drinking a massive glass of water overnight every night.
Take pregnancy vitamins every night.
Eat a cereal bar for breakfast
Put makeup on (keep in handbag and then put on in the car if required!)
Put my clothes in a pile ready to put on
Watching one TV programme for myself per day even if there is crying etc through it!
Organise one friend meet up per week (ideally friends without children)
If you have any survival tips please let me know! I struggled last time and got very down on maternity leave - I am trying not to let this happen again!
X

Ah thanks again this really is helping, definitely feel more positive today plus my lovely cleaner has been and so my house looks so slick better.

buckyou and Chosen I'm kind of pleased to hear that you are finding it similar to me, not because I want others to struggle but of course it is good to know I'm not alone in this. It's a very interesting point about breastfeding buckyou I would quite like to stop but I doubt baby would take a bottle now, how did you do it? I would feel guilty as well even though I know that's quite silly. I fed my toddler til 18 months because I couldn't really stop and only managed it as I was pregnant!

Thanks for those tips Chosen I don't have many to add as you can imagine. Except today I've found playing outside to be excellent as toddler can occupy themself and it doesn't make a mess indoors.

I've also taken on board the tip about bottles of water, simple but really helpful thanks again.