Telling off someone else's child

[Crowshay]

I never do this (except for family members/close friends) but if someone else's child is bothering my or another child/doing something that needs intervention but the parent is momentarily unaware, I would usually try to find them first rather than get involved myself, wouldn't you?

I've just had a woman tell off DD for something when she was right behind me and it really pissed me off (for 5 mins). Yes DD was being irritating and needed telling off, and yes she wanted to protect her child but FFS I'd rather she asked, is this your child (obviously was as no one else was there) and let me deal with it rather than go charging in with a very over the top reaction. I usually laugh off little tiffs between toddlers but some people take them oh so seriously.

A bit like people rolling their eyes and shaking their heads if your toddler has a tantrum in a public place - FFS have some tolerance people! It's just what they do and I can't help the timing or the place when it happens!

How exactly did she tell your child off? Did she yell or rant for several minutes or call her names, or did she just say "Don't do that, you nearly knocked little Freddie over!"

IMO it would be really quite contrived to see a child pushing a piece of furniture backwards and forwards in a way that looks likely to knock your own child down and call over to the child's presumed parent and ask them to stop dealing with another child and deal with the one shoving the furniture.

People are weird about not wanting anyone to speak to their children, its very strange to me.

I'd automatically tell the toddler to stop doing the thing which was endangering my child. I'd find it more passive aggressive and more making a big deal of it to act as though the child must not be directly addressed and talk over their head to the person I assumed to be thier parent.

tbh I say something if children are endangering other children (even in the minor way suggested by being likely to knock them over by pushing a box of books on wheels backwards and forwards) even if none of the children are mine... I've told toddlers not to throw sand plenty of times when the child they are throwing it at isn't mine but doesn't have a parent standing over them at that moment to speak up for them. I'm sure other people told mine similar when they were little enough to do things like that, it was just such a non issue I don't specifically remember.

I've spent a lot of my adult life in jobs that involve teaching or caring for other people's children, so maybe that is part of it, but also where I live it seems to be totally normal and expected thankfully!

Personally, I'd find:

"come and deal with your child's bad behaviour immediately please" [to the parent]

Far more embarrassing / annoying / upsetting than:

"Stop that now, you might hurt my child" [to the child directly]

My response would be "Yes, stop that now. And apologise". Then I'd thank and apologise to the adult and that would be that.

Personally, I'd find:

"come and deal with your child's bad behaviour immediately please"* [to the parent]

Far more embarrassing / annoying / upsetting than:
*
"Stop that now, you might hurt my child"* [to the child directly]

My response would be "Yes, stop that now. And apologise". Then I'd thank and apologise to the adult and that would be that.*

^^ This - 100%