Baby and toddler- is it meant to be this hard?

[Chattycat78]

Just that really. I have a 2 year (and 4 months) old and an 11 month old so a 17 month gap between them. I thought it would get "easier" when baby was sleeping better, and the nights are much better, but I have to say, the days are still incredibly hard.

Toddler is refusing to obey instructions- he's like a whirlwind, Wants to constantly be on the go. He hits me and kicks me if he doesn't get his own way. I go to toddler groups with him and tbh I think he's getting a reputation as naughty. When he gets bored there he starts hitting other children and me. I'm also not loving the looks of judgement I'm getting from other mums there who have meek obedient toddlers and tbh have no idea what it's like. I'm usually trying to discipline him whilst carrying the baby in the other arm- so it's not that bloody simple!

At home, I feel like I can't get on top of anything or get anything done- washing constantly, cleaning, worrying about what to feed them both. Toddler also very fussy so if I try to do special things he refuses to eat them- never mind the sheer task of attempting to cook with a baby and a toddler hanging off you.

Can anyone tell me if this is normal, or I'm normal or otherwise to feel swamped like this? Also does anyone else ever go to playgroups and come away thInking their child is the naughtiest there?
How can I see this phase more positively? I love them both to bits but the drudgery of the amount of work is something I'm struggling with.

I'm going back to work in 4 weeks on a part time basis. Will this help, does anyone think?

They both slept Candle ?! Very jealous! DS1 hasn't napped since he turned 2

I find if I pick my places it is a lot easier. Quiet soft plays, parks with railings, toddler groups in big halls for the kids to run. Plus if I'm out the baby is always in the sling so I have both arms free to hold on to the big two. I have a 4, 2 and 3 month olds. It's tricky but some days are better than others.

Totally agree with PP comments to just swerve the worst toddler groups for now - I did this when mine was going through a hitting phase and then I was just really strict with 'if you do X we will not do Y'. That made a big difference quickly and now she is great playing with other kids 6 months later. It will get easier but in the meantime make the most of the spring and summer months and no need to do toddler groups to keep out of the cold!

I found it so hard that I went back to work just to avoid the long endless days. It was absolutely the best thing for our family at that time , but I did feel a bit guilty about putting them into nursery because I couldn't hack it at home.

It's well over 20 years since I was in your boat (I had 2 under 2) and I can still remember how awful it was. I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I can remember that. It is grim. It does get better. Pick your battles, do whatever it takes to get a bit of time to yourself (it feels selfish but your well-being is to everyone's advantage, hang on in there.