What Should I Do????

[KelKooMum]

Hi eveyone

I feel abit cheeky asking for advice so soon after joining, but I have a real difficult issue I need advise on resolving.

In outline it is about my best friend and the grief she is getting for letting her SEVEN year old DD have a dummy (dosent sound much of a big problem - read on).

My best friend is 32 years old and this is her only child. She divorced from her husband 3 years ago after the rotten git had an affair, since then she has been bringing her DD up alone, with help from friends and family.

The problem is her DD can show very demanding behaviour and insists on having BABIES dummies to suck on when ever she feels like it (day and night including public).

For the last year or so my friend has been getting real greif from friends and strangers in public, about letting a seven year old girl have a babies dummy still. It is really getting her down but she is too weak willed to do anything about, has when the dummies are taken her DD throws mega tantrums till it is returned.

Regarding this issue, her familly's opinion is that it is her fault for notting getting rid of the dummy at an earlier age.

Last week my best friend finally cracked, and asked me if I would get rid of her DD dummies, has she really was not up to it. Of course I agreed to help her, and was rather pleased of the thought of the dreaded dummies being gone and my mate getting no more grief.

This Wednesday I went round my friends house after her DD was back from school, to throw out these dummies once and for all.
I sat in my friends living room with her DD, where I explained she was a big girl now and that dummies were for babies and that they had to go
now.
Her DD agreed and handed the dummies over to me with only a few tears.
After this my friends DD went to her room and me and her mum had a coffee together.
Over coffee I told my friend the next few days would be tough, but she would get through it if she was strong and that I would help has much as possible.
After coffe I threw the dirty old dummies into her kitchen bin thinking that would be the end of it, and then left for home.

Latter that evening I popped round to see how they were doing and boy I got a shock.
When I went in the house my friend was almost crying and her DD had one of the dummies I had earlier thrown in the bin, in her mouth.
What had happened was after I left her DD had found the dummies in the kitchen bin and retrived them whilst my friend was taking a bath.
It was too late that night for me to take any action.

As a result of this rebelious behaviour my friend wants me to come back next week and get rid of the dummies by what ever means so her DD knows they have gone (this will probably mean destroying them so they are unfit for use!!)

I am afraid toy swaps, farther christmas and dummy faries will not be effective in this situation and I desparately need some advice how to get rid of these dummies once and for all the following have been suggested to me by my other friends most of whom are not mothers themselves so I wanted to run it by you lot and see what you think, but rememeber this child will not willingly give her dummy up.

1. Cuttinf the teats completly off.

2. chucking the dummies in the big dustbin on collection day.

3. flushing the dummies down the loo (I am not sure if dummies will flush away?)

4. dipping them in mustard.

5. throwing the dummies out of the car whilst driving along.

Does anyone have any other ideas of what to do, and what do you think of thses idea's given the situation.

Cheers Kelly.

very tricky. looking back to when my ds1 had a dummy i knew it was really me that needed him to have it as it was putting off the inevitable -which was to teach them how to self sooth/cope with stressful situations etc. shame its not the thumb-sucking as i was instantly cured when my parents had a builder friend that had lost his thumb in an accident. he was brought over to me (i was 5 at the time) to show me the perils of thumb-sucking for too long!
maybe you could hire someone for the afternoon with really bad stick out teeth to show her what would happen if she doesn't give them up i would prepare her as she is 7. say the night before to talk about what is goilng to happen and then say the next morning 'right you don't need these anymore - lets give them to a baby that does need them' and let her hand them over (could you arrange a friend with a baby to come over/meet? (not someone that is too close as this could prove difficult if she sees them again) then for the next 3 days help through it. no mention unless she does and just repeat she doesn't need them anymore and the baby needed them and how kind it was of her to give them to her etc. lots of cuddles reassurance help when she would normally reach for them and hopefully she will be able to move forwards. good luck x

really appalling spelling/grammar - so so tired

I know of someone who bribed their dd aged 6 with a super duper toy to swap for the dummies, she had to sort it out with the shopkeeper first but it worked, expensive but worth it and then her dd knew it was not in the house!

I think the fact that you took the dummies away and there wasn't a tantrum was worth trying to repeat as she obviously knew you weren't to be messed with (!) - only mistake was not taking them out of the house. How about doing exactly the same thing again but getting up and leaving with dummies in a bag and chucking them on the way home?

message withdrawn

no advice but they do flush away

(dd taught me that!)

i think it would be cruel to just take them from her - after all she has been through a lot and for the last 7 years has been allowed/taught that she can have them. it isn't her fault. i think the focus should be on teaching her how to manage her emotions when she gets upset and explaining maybe why something has happend. you say your friend is weak willed - do you mean she has put off trying to help her daughter get through the tantrums/upset. maybe teach her ways of relaxing? walking/swimming/soak in the bath type of thing?

i paid my dd1 50p a day for the 1st week to give up her dummies. it did work. dd1 is 4 and for the last month she has had a dummy on about 3 occasions, when she was ill and needed the comfort. she sais she doesnt want the dummies, she wants pennies in her purse.

I had a dummy til I was 7 and i know it was a pain for my mum. at the end I think i was only having them at night, but my mother 'lost' them one evening and after a big 'search' i eventually accepted they were gone. to be honest if i'd known where they were i might just have gone and got them too.

destroying them in front of the kid may be the only answer, she may enjoy this again but I think the evening/week of screaming or whatever your mate is afraid of will happen anyway. It will end however. I feel tons of sympathy for her she is clearly near the end of her tether and will probably need the dummies herself - i still remember how soothing they were. there but for the grace of God.