Sorry!!! I dont know where else to post this....

[Wolfgirl]

Please can you tell me! Why is it that since having children (they are 3 and 1), I just cant cope with reading about tragic /horrific deaths of other children. There was the news recently about poor little Casey - I fell apart! And today, I just picked up an old mag here at work - 2005, and started to read about a little girl called Joanie, who was murdered by her mums boyfriend. The injuries were beyond belief along with what he actually did to her (I couldnt read on to find out if any of it was sexual). And from the little I did read, it appears as though the mother was nursing a hang over in bed, or....whatever, but she just wasnt there for her baby.

Im feeling sick, and really really really sad, keep crying. Im a christian too, and more so than EVER, my faith is being tested as to whether we really do have a loving Father.

Ive had flu on and off for weeks, and I know Im low in general, but please someone, tell me that this will all pass!

i am like that too since having children, i cry at all the stories.
i used to be christian.....

well hopefully you will feel better as you recover from your flu but I became a mum 12 years ago and still find any bad news involving children really upsetting.

Sorry not much help I know

Well since having kids I have been the same. I don't watch the news and don't read newspapers, I just can't, it makes me fall apart. I can't fall apart and still look after 3 kids properly. For me it has never gone away but for you it might.
Sorry not really what you wanted to hear but you aren't alone

This is slightly off-topic but one thing non-parents really hate is "well I'm a mother so I really feel bad when xyz happens to a child", as if non-parents are totally oblivious to terrible things happening to children.

Someone said this to me once (before I had my daughter) about a child being murdered and we had a huge row about it. He thought he was being super-sensitive and full of empathy as a parent. I just thought "well, why didn't you realise how terrible these things were before you had kids?"

Anyway, that wasn't aimed at you - more a general moan. I more or less gave up on current affairs after 9/11 - it shocked me so much and took away my sense that the world was a safe and good place to be.

Actuallt mragoandjerry I agree with you. I've never been able to read that stuff. Having ds hasn't made any difference to how upset I get.

I remember pre-ds absolutely sobbing at awful stories which involved children - to a much bemused boyfriend who thought I was 'over-reacting'

I think a lot of people don't get as upset about these these things before they have children as they do after though.

Do we think then ladies - that this sort of news - about child brutality / murder, should not be reported - or any brutality?. Why do we need to know? Im lost. I dont know answers anymore. I wish I hadnt read the darn thing. And please, Im not saying that I was never affected by these things before I had children - but everything is heightened. I used to be able to watch nature programs at one time, but I remember - so clearly even now, I was nursing my DS and a nature prog. came on TV. It was pesky snake just starting to eat a baby bird. I couldnt watch it, told DH to turn it over. NEVER ever felt that before.

I try and console myself and say....well at least your two are safe and loved, but it doesnt quite take the pain away for the child that has been defiled, neglected, abandoned and betrayed. Shit it makes me cry!

I was always affected by it but much more so after having children. I just can't bear to read or hear about crimes against children, really upsets me.

I don't know about it passing, but I've been the same since I had children. I used to be able to cope stoically with quite horrific events, but now I can't.

I saw a really bad car accident on the way to work this morning, and I can't stop thinking about it. VW Sharan smashed to bits at the side of the road, back wheel off, broken glass everywhere, all the air bags gone off, and empty child seats in the back and on the road. Road closed and police directing traffic round the car. No sign of people so assume that ambulance must have just left. Would have happened at around school run time. I'm just hoping that the child seats were empty when the crash happened and that the driver got to hospital OK.

Can't stop thinking about it, whereas before I had children I'd have forgotten about it by now.

Message withdrawn

awwwrrr....sorry to hear that BH. Haunting site - empty child seats!! horrible. I just went for a walk (am at work, lunch time) and was thinking about some things that you ladies wrote, especially about feelings when not having/had kids. I now have a confession, and have to say that these things DID NOT affect me, at all. I think I must have been really hard faced, or just so darn busy with my own selfish life, that world affiars/suffering was like water off a ducks back. I got to remembering about Jamie Bulger, and whilst it was appalling - devastating what happened to him, I only ever remember feeling sad, but not in any way like the way I feel about reading such things, now. If JB happened now, I would be weeping unconsoleably.

Yes, I hope that poor people in the crash are OK too. xx

I really don't want to be rude but I am astonished at the 'lack of empathy' there is in most people. Does it really take having a child to make you emapthetic in this way?

I really have lost track of the women who all say the same thing about being more sensitive to this stuff after having children. Hand on heart this is geninely not true for me. If anything I'm getting better at handling this sort of stuff - maybe I'm getting harder with age (not a good thing IMO).

"Does it really take having a child to make you emapthetic in this way?" No not at all. I have many many many friends who feel just the way as I feel now, and do not have children. This is NOT what Im trying to say here in this thread. I was just pouring my heart out, at reading - yet another - child crime, and my lack of coping with it.

It is not me that is getting into a dispute about whether a person without a child is meant to feel less empathy/pain, than those with a child. But I have noticed a difference. IN ME. That was all LazyCow. Sorry if you feel offended. But if this is going to takeoff into a row/dispute then Im gone. Im not into bickering, just here for some support and encouragement in a season which is very hard for me.

Wolfgirl are you still here? I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I'm a christian too. I just want to encourage you that we do have a loving Father, He comes through for us every time although of course it's usually only with the benefit of hindsight that we recognise this. I hope this has encouraged you. I don't know what else to say, just try to focus on the fact that it isn't Him that causes the suffering.

HI nomismummy, I know that, but there are times..... it just doesnt make sense. This case in particular outlined - in detail what happened to the poor lass. 14 months old - same age as my DD now, totally vulnerable, no-one to take the evil away, the pain, the suffering, not able to speak/use words. He put her (for one thing) in a bag with a zip and swung her around bashing her onto everything. then she managed to get her little head out and he kicked it. He kicked her in the head with his very big hefty boot. Please!!!!!!! (crying now) tell me where our FATHER was then!!!!!!!! I will go to my grave a christian, in hope that we have a wonderful life after, in peace, in new bodies, in the arms of Jesus, but please!!!! tell me where God is when these things happen! How comes satan gets a free reign down here, but God stays silent. Sorry, rant over.

Hi Wolfgirl, I can't comment on the faith angle, but just wanted to say that I share your experience of finding much of the news (and especially anything involving children) much more real since having ds. I used to let things just wash over me, I think for me having a child of my own gave me a stronger connection with the world and an appreciation of the human consequences of some of the terrible news stories. Kind of a wiping away of compassion fatigue maybe? I think that sensitivity is here to stay. And I don't think it's a bad thing either - surely it is worse to be indifferent to suffering, and without this emotional response would anyone ever fight to change things? I know I have become at least a little bit kinder and more understanding, and that has to be a good thing...

And I type very slowly. that is a terrible, terrible thing that happened to the little girl

...and thats only a bit of what happened. over 50 injuries, most of her bones broken, cigarette burns all over her body.

It's horrific and I really don't know what to say, i can't answer your question because i don't know, we just need to trust... I'm sorry i'm not making you feel any better, i just wanted to give you some encouragement x

Hi there nomismummy, Im much calmed now. I shouldnt have read the article, although it wasnt too clear what I was reading. Yes, you have been an encouragement, thank you. I'll keep the faith, and keep praying for safer world for all our children. xx