Was I wrong to confront her about bad mouthing my 4 year old daughter?

[lifeonthemuvaside]

So took my 4 year old daughter to dance class, she sat down and another little girl sat next to her, my daughter was waiting for her friend so said to other little girl (I'll admit in a rather more aggressive way than she should of) that she couldn't see there, I clocked it and told her not to be unkind (would speak to her after dance class in more depth)
On way out (leave kids there) overheard grandmother of other little girl telling husband who hadn't seen it that there was a horrible vile little girl in the class (this was repeated and said very venomously). I am very non confrontational and placid but this really struck a nerve with me and I confronted her about the fact that she is 4 and unfortunately 4 year olds can be cruel, lady refused to see point and even commented that she must get it from me!!!!
Am I being unreasonable to think that this women is completely out of order? My daughter has been pushed, hit, been mean to at play groups and I have never made a comment about the child or parents, just accept that kids don't always play nice, say to my daughter that if anyone does anything she doesn't like she should play elsewhere! I've never heard anyone speak of a 4 year old in such a way and then to be so judgemental about me and my parenting! She knows nothing about me or my parenting!!!

yes I agree an adult calling a 4 year old vile and horrible is terrible behaviour on her part. Sounds like you handled it well by stepping in when you overheard that your daughter was being unkind.

What a witch. Way over the top and deducing your kids vile and you're a crap mum from one snippy comment from a 4 year old is absurd. You were right to confront her about. Presumably her ranting was within ear shot of your daughter so dd would've known if you hadn't defended her. Ime a lot of nans have forgotten the complexities and limitations of pre schooler social behaviour. My dd is often scowled at by gps for being with 10 metres of a precious grand baby.

Yes she totally over reacted. I would have done exactly the same in your situation in regards to telling my dd not to be unkind and then having a chat about the incident later.

She is 4, they are still learning at that age, you corrected her which is the main thing. I have found that some members of the older generation can have high expectations of young children (not saying everyone of the older generation thinks like this). Maybe they forget what raising young kids is like?

She was out of order. You reprimanded your dd, that was enough. Ime grandparents can be extra prickly and crazy. If you listen to my mil, my dd can do no wrong. Her teacher saying that she is too chatty in lessons and needs to put a bit more effort in (she's 5, bright but a bit lazy) was outrageous according to mil. Clearly the lessons are too easy and the teacher is at fault becsuse she needs to make them more interesting. . Oh and, last week when she ran into a wall at Rugby Tots was proof that Rugby is far too dangerous a sport for dd to play because mil knew she'd get hurt. Even though she wasn't hurt, it was totally self inflicted and dd thought it was hilarious. I think you did the right thing buy I'd ignore from now on.

Thanks everyone!
I do understand about the grandparents thing, children are precious (sometimes) and you want to protect them, but to speak of a 4 year old that way was so shocking to me and to then say she must get it from me was outrageous!
My daughter is very kind and sweet but does have a sassy side and she was unkind to the little girl which we have talked about now.