Hi
I've just had a sad conversation with my dd (nearly 11). First off she said that she didn't want any children when she's older because of the injections involved and then turned it on me by saying that I find it difficult to be a parent sometimes - become agitated and shout so she doesn't think she would make a very good parent (and quite frankly as she is now in the patience/selfish stakes etc - no she wouldn't). I know she is very young but I feel really disappointed and sad about that she should use me as a negative role model in this way and I am now feeling guilty.
I also have a much younger daughter too and she really does test boundaries but as far as I am aware because of my own experiences growing up, I have always used shouting as a last resort. I ask my elder daughter time and time again to do something in a reasonably calm voice and close the door on her bedroom so as not to nag her about mess. I think she has a fairly easy time of things (some of her friends actually view me as a kinder mother than their own at times and have expressed this) and she is thriving with her school work - passed for a really good grammar school, gets lead parts in plays because she is confident and up until recently has had some really good friends at school. She also gets on fairly well with her sister although she does spend a lot of time on screens when not pursuing her other hobbies to which I transport her backward and forward. Only yesterday she came home from school very upset because one of her so called best friends had been horrible to her so I cuddled her and listened. I really thought I was doing an O.K job (I am also a sahm so there in the holidays, after school etc) and certainly when she was younger was always there for her but now it seems that I have not done such a good job and I feel angry that I have sacrificed a lot for what seems to be quite frankly a very ungrateful attitude - she should have tried growing up with my parents! Sorry just feeling frustrated, guilty and annoyed. I find that I sometimes do crave my own space more so these days (especially as I have found myself an engrossing hobby of my own) and do feel claustrophobic around the children sometimes but I try not to let this show. I also have to manage a hormonal issue which affects my mood at certain times of the month but I have also been open about this with dd and we try to work around it. Just can't believe her comment today. Rant over.