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Parenting

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Original poster

Nurse at clinic has made me feel guilty

19 replies

Guitargirl · 13/03/2007 21:48

Felt like crap when I got home from clinic today. When DD was 3 weeks old her belly button hadn't really healed properly so HV advised us to get it checked out by GP who said it was fine and looked at me like I was neurotic for bringing her in in the first place.

At DD's 6-week check belly button still the same. Asked different GP who again said it was ok but just to dry it properly after bath which we have been doing.

Last week DD was 8 weeks old and when I took her for vaccinations I was told the nurse was on holiday so had to go back this week which I did today.

As soon as I took DD in and sat down nurse told me I wasn't holding baby properly and that I wasn't supporting her head. DD can now hold her head up fine unless she's really tired...when nurse looked at belly button which still looks the same she asked why I hadn't brought her in before and got cross when I tried to explain about GPs. She didn't seem to believe me when I told her DD was soley on breast milk as she asked me 3 times if I was 'sure' I wasn't giving her formula. And then as we were leaving she tutted at me as I was putting DD in her pram so obviously did something wrong there too...

Came home feeling like crap and cried. Wimpy I know but am tired and suffering with bad back at the moment, don't know why I've let her get me down so much...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mummytosteven · 13/03/2007 21:53

Oh my first HV was like this, just what I needed when I was recovering from depression NOT. I used to be told that I was lifting DS up from his playmat wrong, stuff like that. Hard as it is, you just have to have faith in yourself and
try to disregard criticism you feel is completely unjustified.

fransmom · 13/03/2007 21:58

what is it with hv's? guitargirl you are doing fine girlie our dd was like that & held her head up quite early. i noticed that whatever hv you see, if it's different from the last one you will always get conflicting advice. remember only you know your baby, not them. fm x

welliemum · 13/03/2007 21:58

I think you're right to be concerned guitargirl.

.... because the nurse is barking.

I specially love the one about asking you if you're sure you haven't given formula.... you know, sterilising the bottles, mixing up the formula etc without noticing, in a moment of absentmindedness, as you do.

Supporting head: I agree, it's not necessary if dd can do it herself.
Belly button: you did all the right things.
Pram: Your guess is as good as mine...

Seriously: please don't let a raving loony get you down. You sound like a great mum.

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manuka · 13/03/2007 22:09

That's awful. Some people are control freak bitches from hell!!! She more than likely is having a shit time in her personal life and took it out on you because you're vulnerable at the moment.
You are obviously a more than capable, loving mother so arseholes to her! x

fryalot · 13/03/2007 22:12

It's awful that she should treat you like that. Agree with previous posters - if she can hold her head up, you don't need to support it, if you have been giving her formula without realising it then you need the loony bin (and I doubt that) belly button - wtf did she expect you to do? You did everything right.

silly bitch

fryalot · 13/03/2007 22:13

her, not you

welliemum · 13/03/2007 23:03

Maybe worth writing a letter to the clinic (or however their complaints procedure works).

Someone like that could be a real loose cannon, especially if they start undermining someone with PND - there's huge potential for damage, and maybe the clinic need to know that.

fransmom · 13/03/2007 23:07

also send a copy of the letter to the practice manager where the clinic is being held.

cat64 · 13/03/2007 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tribpot · 13/03/2007 23:12

I could point out that my mum swapped my ds' umbilical stump with vodka (naturally Absolut, only good quality stuff) - the midwife looked at us like we were barking but it seemed like a good idea at the time

This nurse is clearly deranged - like maybe you forgot if you were giving formula?! Do NOT go and see this woman again, it's simply bad for you. And as others have said, if you can, complain to the practice about her standard of care.

friendlyedjit · 13/03/2007 23:13

Not sure if you're up to making a complaint, after feeling as if your stuffings been knocked out, on top of being exhausted. Do you know any of the other health care workers there, that you might find easy to approach and discuss how you felt. I remembe my dd1 being labelled by health care worker as having"feeding difficulties" on day 2!! This amy have had something to do with let down not starting until day 3, but her comments and insistence that was harming baby by wanting to leave hospital did nothing to help promote breast feeding!!

Hate to say it, it feels sometimes as if the people that we put our trust into sometimes are so unadaptable they don't really have a clue...

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 13/03/2007 23:29

my DS could hold his head up after 24 hours (but then again he was a large baby)Some people just enjoy making others feel bad.

try to ignore them.

Greensleeves · 13/03/2007 23:52

My ds held his head up from birth, in an incubator at 6 weeks early. He was 8lb7 and had to be taken out of the "hotcot" after the first two days because he was sweating and grunting like a builder

Sorry the silly bitch made you cry. You're doing fine, don't worry. Just keep loving her and following your instincts.

welliemum · 14/03/2007 00:10

Oh stop showing off will you Greensleeves

Pah, these competitive mums.

Greensleeves · 14/03/2007 00:12

Yes, that's me, "my son was fatter and sweatier than yours by MILES"

Sakura · 14/03/2007 00:17

Awwww, you are doing fine. 8 weeks and out and about like this?!! I could barely get it together to take DD on a little stroll down the street.
Some health workers get really suprised that breastfed babies plump out the way they do whent they are demand fed, because believe it or not when breastfeeding is allowed to carry on naturally (without schedule) babies put on weight better than a formula fed baby. This goes against what the formula companies preach to the medical industry (can you believe formula companies fund midwives conferences, and give hospital equipment to hospitals so theyll promote it instead of breastmilk ) Anywhow, sorry for the little rant, but I usually do the opposite of what doctors/ HV say because 9/10 times they spout some rubbish. My doctor also didnt believe that DD was exclusively breastfed at 5 months (shes a chubby little thing). Then she went on to say that even if she is, it would be time soon to wean her because breasmilk doesnt have enough vitamins...
Its worse when its your first child. Just think if we had another in the future we`ll be hardened experts, and no-one will be able to make us feel crap about these things.

Greensleeves · 14/03/2007 00:19

Hi Sakura! Lovely to see you

Original poster

Guitargirl · 14/03/2007 01:57

Thanks very much to everyone for their comments, you've cheered me up. We have an appointment to see her again this afternoon for her to apply some gel to DD's belly button. DP is going with me this time as he happens to have the day off work so am going to see how she is this time. It's silly as I know I've done nothing wrong...I guess I will become less sensitive to stuff like this over time and as I get a bit more confidence. Thanks again!

OP posts:

Sakura · 14/03/2007 03:35

Hi Greensleeves , Thanks for the lovely message.

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