2.5 year age gap - what was your experience like?

[SleepForTheWeek]

Due DC2 in 5 weeks, DD will be 2yrs 7months.

This pregnancy has just flown in and I'm now feeling a bit anxious. There seems to lots of things I need to sort out (organisation of bedrooms mainly!)

I'm starting to feel sad that the 1:1 time with my DD (who is very much a mummy's girl) is going to be limited and her world is about to completely change.

I'm having flashbacks to when DD was a newborn and how difficult I found it - how can I do that again with a toddler too??

Any experience sharing/advice welcome

It will be fine
There's 2 1/2 years between my middle and my youngest DC. Yes initially it was a bit hard but then the first 6-8 weeks always are. And yes my then 2yo had the most awful tantrums in reaction to the change; but then he was/is my most challenging child anyway! Now they are 5 and 3 and the best of friends.

I don't know how much to be 'preparing' her - not sure whether I should be explaining how things will change etc or whether I should just enjoy these last few weeks where she is the centre of my world and let her be blissfully unaware.

She's excited to be a big sister, but obviously doesn't really understand the longer term implications!

Hi, I have this exact age gap between my two. My eldest is now 3 and my baby is 8 months. I felt the same as you feeling sad my time just me and dd was coming to an end but honestly we have all just made the transition, I still do all the things I used to but just with a baby too! Dd hasn't missed out on anything and we do have time just the two of us, me and dh make sure we both have one child each every now and again and when ds sleeps I play games with dd and spend quality time with her then. My dd has been so good with the baby she loves helping and she absolutely loves him. I love watching them interact , she makes him laugh like nobody else can.

It's pretty full on as you'd expect and dealing with both of them when you've had very little sleep can be hard but I have found trying to be very laid back and relaxed about things like naps and weaning has helped, so I'm not putting too much pressure on myself to get everything sorted, because I just don't have the time this time round!

Not sure if that helps but for us the age gap has worked really well and I'm looking forward to them playing together more soon (and arguing too I'm sure!)

2yr 8month gap between DS and Dd has been great for us. At 2.5 the older one can understand so much and communicate well which really helps. I too thought back to the awful early days with DS but I personally found things so much easier the second time round. Dd spent a fair bit of time in the sling for the first few months and I just cracked on and did stuff with DS. They are now 4.5 and nearly 2 and thick as thieves

We told my dd that she was having a baby brother and we got a book about being a new big sister which we found helpful . She wasn't particularly interested until he was actually here though. We haven't had any issues with jealousy so far, we are careful to make being the eldest really fun because she can have toys he can't have yet, eat things he can't eat , so she doesn't feel like she is missing out on anything. And I make sure I baby her a bit sometimes too so don't make her feel like she has to be grown up now, I give her lots of cuddles and kisses and tell her she's my little girl etc.

Glad to have come accross this post as my ds will be 2yr9mo when dc2 arrives! Very reassuring!

I found my newborn DD2 easier than DD1, maybe more relaxed, more confident of what I was doing, who knows! There's 2.5 months between them, and the hardest part was toilet training the first after DD2 was born. They're 8 and 6 now, and love spending time together. So much so when they got their own rooms this year they still crawl into each others beds!

I agree it will be fine. Mine are now 4.5 and almost 2 and get on really well most of the time.

The first few weeks will be hard but you will manage. A baby carrier really helped in the early weeks as it meant I could prepare lunch for the eldest without having to deal with a screaming newborn at the same time.

Eventually you will fall into a routine and the chaos of the early weeks will be a distant memory. Congratulations and good luck

Thanks, nice to think of them being friends when they are a bit older - DD loves playing with other children now (a new thing for her!).

I wore DD is a sling for bloody ages, so I'm happy to do that again for DC2. She still comes in with us during the night, or I go in with her, so that will take a while for us all to adjust to I think.

She's very excited, she wants the baby to sleep in her room etc, but hasn't warmed to the idea of the baby using the cot bed (she's in it as a toddler bed and I told her we'd get her a new bigger bed) or the baby using the pram (even though she won't go in it anymore).

Ah yes....potty training....

I was advised by a family members NOT to attempt it before DC2 arrived if she wasn't obviously ready (which I wouldn't say she was) as her youngest 2 have the same age gap and the older DC completely regressed back into nappies when the youngest was born. So, I was going to wait, but now I'm thinking how hard it will be when there's a wee baby involved too!

I'm on maternity leave soon so thought about maybe trying it, but not sure if it will be a stressful waste of time...

I had a smaller gap than that with my first two (18 months), but the benefit of a small gap (and I assume it's the same for a 2.5 year gap) is that the older child adjusts much more quickly because they very quickly forget what being an only child was like, so the jealousy is minimised. It can be difficult at times, but it pays off when they're older and are interested in similar things and are at a similar level with everything, because they will entertain each other.

I went on to have a 20 month gap between DC3 and 4.

Mine are 10 and 8 now. They aren't the best of friends at all; in fact they are super competitive. It is handy that they more or less like doing the same things so entertaining them is fairly easy.

It gets easier as.they get older. The younger one is a.doddle, always has been. It is a nice age gap but don't bet on them being best friends!

2.5 years between dc1&2.
Yes it was tiring but actually with hindsight it works much better then 3.5 yr age gap.

Especially once they go to school & do clubs etc.

I toilet trained dc1 months before dc2 arrived but wouldn't do it now, if i were you... Not til months after the new baby arrives!

Best of luck with everything!

2 years 10 months between me and my sister. Best friends growing up and still incredibly close to this day. We fought often but only ever about who won Monopoly or who borrowed the others lipstick without asking, never about anything serious. Currently pregnant with my first and aiming for a similar age gap between my kids as I loved it growing up

I meant to say - this is from a slightly different perspective and I dont have advice on juggling kids and attention yet as I haven't yet had my own, just from a perspective as a child it was great! X

I had a smaller gap 17 months, and found it relentless with two babies essentially. I often wished I'd left another year so it would be easier (older child capable of being left a little etc)

I'm sure you will be fine. 2.5 is the ideal gap really. Close enough in age to get on and do the same type of things as they get older, but not so close you've got two babies in nappies and you're potty training as you're weaning!!!

Sorry, just saw your other post. No. Potty training with a newborn will be ideal! Seriously. Newborns are easy. (other than they getting up to feed them in the night bit!). They literally don't do anything. You will have plenty of time to focus on your other child.

Star my DD definitely wasn't easy as a newborn - she drove me to the brink of insanity!!! Fed every hour, wouldn't be put down, cried A LOT, was still is a terrible sleeper (you get the picture!!). I'm sure the next one will be a breeze though haha

DONT TRY TO POTTY TRAIN WHEN ON MAT LEAVE BEFORE #2

Sorry, very rude of me but I just had to get your attention!

I tried that and it was a bloody disaster. Lifting heavy toddler on / off toilet, constantly up and down emptying potty / getting new clothes, constantly up and down changing toddlers clothes all whilst gigantic and / or recovering from birth.

Having to drag massive bag of spare clothes around as well as huge baby bag. Abandoning baby regularly at groups etc as I rushed toddler to toilet with a nano second notice that he needed a poo.

And this is the worst but, getting really cross with the poor sod, even though it was my bloody fault for doing it to my timetable instead of his. The sleep deprivation once DD arrived meant I had no patience and there's only so much 'oh well, potty next time' I could do when I'd been asking him to go every 5 sodding minutes for the last chuffing hour.

And it took for ever. Every time I was about to give up and go back to nappies, he'd have a good couple of days, then it would slip back again and I reckon all in it was over a year before he was reliably dry. Just don't!!

Just wait. Let it happen when he's ready. Get a few months under your belt, get physically stronger, get a basic routine going. Then see if it's time to give it a go.

As for the other stuff, it's amazing how easy #2 is. And they play together now, nearly 5 and 2.5 and I'm starting to get my life back.

That's some sound advice fusion, thanks :). I think I'll leave the potty training until she seems more ready. She is just not for giving up nappies at all! She 'loves peeing and pooing' in them apparently 🙄

I have two Ds. They are 21 months and 11 weeks. Things have settled down a bit now but the first few weeks were hard going.

Thankfully ds2 is a very easy content baby (now he's medicated for reflux.........) I feel guilty about ds1 though. Still very sad that my relationship with him has changed forever.

What works for me is routine. I do pretty much the same thing every week. Swimming with toddler Monday (dm comes to have ds2) toddler group Tuesday, shopping weds etc.

Mil has ds1 for a day each week.

What I'd really like is for someone to have ds2 for a couple of hours so I can concentrate on ds1 for a bit. I try and focus on him when the baby is asleep but also have to get other stuff done.

I love both of them so much but do miss my time with ds1.

Sorry that doesn't sound positive at ll. Ds1 loves his little brother and seems to have adjusted really sell. Its so sweet the way he pats him and kisses him and goes to sit on the play gym with him.

My DD is 2 and a half exactly and DS is 6 weeks. Dd adores her brother and is so proud of him. She is now old enough to occupy herself at times (iPad/tv helps too!) so has not been jealous of times I have needed to sort DS out. She has helped to do his nappy and pass me things whilst I've been feeding, and she gets so much enjoyment out of watching him and cuddling him.

We got her a dolls house when he was born, has been amazing for keeping her occupied playing by herself and it's lovely to watch her imaginative play developing too.

We make sure I have plenty of time with her when DS sleeps or is in his bouncer, or when dp has him; and that we have lots of cuddles with the 3/4 of us. Also, time with him in the sling.

DD goes to nursery 2 afternoons a week (she's only been going for a couple weeks so still very much settling in) so I'll keep her going to that. MiL will help out a lot, as she does with DD, but none of my family are close by.

I just hope DD doesn't get too upset with all the changes

She will be fine, we forget how resilient children are. It's a lovely age gap when they get a bit older too (although prepare for the constant bickering) Za-za's baby brother was DS1's favourite book whilst I was pregnant. Might be worth reading it to your DD!