Clashing over parenting styles.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I'll start by saying that me and my husband are nit getting on at all, and are pretty much separated but under the same roof, so it's never going to be an easy situation. We have two children, 21months and 11 weeks. I do the vast majority of childcare. He baths the toddler at night, and gets him.up and gives him.milk first thing in the morning, while I get me and baby downstairs. I do everything else.

We are clashing over parenting. Yesterday, me and children returned home after three nights away. An hour after H getting home toddler was still excited and was practicing his new ear piercing squeal. It woke the baby up who cried
H shouted STOP IT!!!! at toddler. Who squealed in return. H shouted, toddler squealed. I said don't shout at him, he just excited and has just yesterday discovered this squeal, either ignore the noise or get him down (he was in the highchair) and do something with him. (I was in the kitchen, H had wandered off so toddler was a bit ignored)

This resulted in a row, H being pretty unpleasant to me, me asking him.not to shout and swear in front of the babies etc. He thinks it's 'bullshit' that he shouldn't have shouted.

This is going to be an issue whether H is living here or not. How do you deal with it?

To an extent you just have to put up with it. They're his children too and he can parent them how he sees fit (within reason obviously). If you have actual concerns about his temper then seek to limit contact/have supervised contact. If it's just that he is stricter than you, learn to live with it basically!

You can try and get someone who he listens to on side ( his mum, a friend, supernanny) and get them to tackle it. If you are already not getting on he probably isn't going to take well to you criticising his parenting. Save the arguments for when it is absolutely necessary. Shouting 'Stop It' isn't ideal, but it's not worth a row either.

Shouting is crap discipline. Crap parenting. Maybe you should both read some parenting books.

I do read constantly quick husband thinks it's all bollocks (his words)

He shouted several times, quite aggressively. I wasn't critical, I was trying to help, as I have the children almost all of the time on my own,I know what works best with the toddler.

I think.its pretty shitty that the toddler was excited to see his dad and got shouted at for it

So you've never shouted?

You both sound stressed out. Couldn't you get some help from either of your parents? After all, it was not all that long ago that you got along (presumably) and is it impossible that you two could do so once again once that stressful period is over.

sample no, I haven't ever shouted aressively at a baby or toddler. I've used a firm tone, a raised voice occasionally. He's not (yet) a naughty child so it hasn't really been an issue.

H hadn't seen the children or had to look after them at all let alone on his own for several days. I don't think shouting at the toddler within an hour is acceptable, particularly as he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Are you planning to properly separate? It doesn't sound like a great situation for anyone. Because presumably it's not just about the shouting, it's about not getting on at all.

I think this is more about the state of ypur marriage than anyone's parenting style.

Emotions are clearly running high for both of you. We're there some undiscussed / unresolved issues surrounding the fact you webt away with the children for several days, for example.

In an ideal world, for example, it might have been better to have left the children with a relative for a couple of days, so that yoy and DH have some uninterrupted time to get out your upset and frustration with esch other, and resolve it. Or at least make more perminant plans for separating properly.

I would imagine that his (and your) parenting is directly affected by your animosity. I wonder if he would be a different kind of parent if either you two got along and were happy together, or seperate and were past the anger and bitterness.

The situation you find yourself in is exactly why people say about it being much better for children to divorce and move on, rather than staying together and being unhappy. It's not good for the parenting of the children.

It was a planned few days away for me. I was housesitting, and he likes me to go away so he can get stuff done around the house. So no issues there.

His temper/moods are the issue. He's going to be like it together or not. My worries,are for when he has the children on his own, say weekends once we have managed to live apart.

I think when you aren't living together and he is having less time with them he will apprectiate his time with his children and be in a much greater mood and therefore parent better.