When will I be able to live a somewhat normal life again?

[shewhocannotbenamed]

We've got a six month old who is actually not a bad baby. Usually he only wakes up once at night to feed, and is fairly reasonable during the day as long as you bounce him or go out in the pram. His naps in the day are approx. 30 mins long and very few so it's not like you can get much done. When he is awake he can't quite entertain himself so you have to constantly be at his side and play with him. I don't have any family living locally or any friends with kids and then my DH has been checking out of parenting for the first few months (getting better now after multiple convos.) LO is great, he smiles and laughs loads when entertained and gives cuddles but still I often find myself with these depressing thoughts of my future. For instance I wanted to start a second degree and I just don't see how I'd ever be able to with him. I can't imagine ever having a pleasant holiday anymore in a way that holidays used to be pleasant - walking around exotic towns, sipping cocktails without a care in the world. I worry about my finances - I don't feel like I can be as independent as I was working part time and relying on partner to provide a lion share.

When will I be able to see my life somewhat returning to normalcy, where I'd have time to sit down and study for instance or go somewhere and actually enjoy it rather than catering to baby's whims?

I'm more interested when it will REALLY become better rather than just a bit better, like some people say 6 or 11 months etc. When do the babies become more independent and leave you to get on with your life a bit?

I think you have to accept life with a child / children if you want a second is your new normal. You can certainly carve out time for yourself - the amount of this depends on your resources in the widest sense - partner / family / money for childcare / availablity of childcare but your child will need a lot of you for a long time. My two are 5 and 2 they are lovely but they don't really entertain themselves for long. Holidays are very different now. But I have two amazing funny people who need me and are changing every day. I like my own space too - I work / see friends but it does require balance. I spend much more time playing trains than I would choose. I found it hard to make this adjustment but I find it helps to remind myself of all the good things of my new life and that this is what I wanted when it gets tough.

I remember feeling exactly as you, that there was no end in sight, it was all one long continuous continuum of babycare. DS is now nearly 2. When he was 1, things got a little easier as he could interact more and could crawl so could get to things himself, but still hard in that he needed watching especially when pulling himself up. He was also still breastfeeding morning and night at that age.

But my goodness how much changes in a year! DS is nearly 2 and really it is so much easier and I definitely feel now that my life is pretty 'normal' or as normal as it can get with children! No he isn't potty trained yet (but at least I don't have to keep asking do you need a wee cos we are going out to xyz, and you really should go before we leave), no I don't fully understand what he is saying half the time and yes I do have to play with him. But for the most part he feeds himself, plays by himself, can go up and down stairs on his own, sleeps in a proper bed, doesn't wake at night... I have had many a dinner party in the house with him asleep upstairs, watched films in the spare room while he is sleeping and go away to lots of places and it is never a problem. Maybe we have just been blessed with a good sleeper! But I can definitely say 2 is a great age, and I do have some of my adult life back.

P.S with the studying:

I studied and sat an exam when 34 weeks pregnant and working full time.
I studied and sat an exam when DS was 16 weeks old on maternity leave.
I studied and sat an exam when DS was 18 months old and working full time.
I am currently studying for and will sit an exam when DS is 2yo and working full time.

From the above, I can say the 'easiest' time (if you can call it that!) was when DS was 18 months old, as I could just give him to my husband/mother someone to take out for the day while I studied and I didn't need to worry about whether he needed breastfeeding, whether he needed to be in the house for his nap etc. Was much easier to work out. Also much 'easier' to study when working as I was given time by my employer to study so I could do that in the house on my own on a working from home day while DS was at nursery.

So studying and working and baby is possible... but only if like me you don't like a quiet life!

(I am also commuting 1.5hrs to work at the moment. I really am a sucker for punishment!)

DD is 3.5 and it has just got harder and harder for me personally. I find the constant attention, questions, demands on my time and the endless patience required to manage a toddler really affects me. I am trying not to wish these precious years away as she's an amazing little girl. But every day is hard. I found the first baby year or so much easier.

Honestly, I have a 7 and 5 year old, and I'm struggling. The constant talking, questions, interacting, homework, clubs and classes, the later bedtime so I get less downtime.

They're lots of fun, and I do get the odd 15 minutes to myself to read the paper, but life is utterly, completely, constant and for the first time since I had the kids, I feel I'm running on empty.

Sorry OP.

Tbh I think I underestimated the impact dd would have and I still haven't got my life back (and probably never will). I haven't found it "hard" as such, though. Tedious, dull, frustrating, yes, but not hard as such. I found it a chore like any other chore.

Now I'm looking back though, it seems better. rose tinted specs help.

I think it's a bit of your child becoming "easier" (as you've seen this is different for everyone depending on the child and parent), and you just adjusting to it. After a few years it's just normal. Not easier, but you don't think about it being hard anymore, it's just how it is.
We just came back from holiday with a 4 and 2 year old. Compared to a pretty child holiday it was very unrelaxing, but compared to a holiday with a 3 and 1 year old it was awesome

Pre child holiday. Obviously

When they are 7.

Sorry.

Umm... you won't. But you will get used to the new normal.

If you want time to concentrate on anything like studying then you will need your child to be out of the house (or asleep). My eldest is 6.5 and will do bits & bobs on his own but only when he feels like it - not necessarily when I need him to.

Holidays....are a massive shock to the system but you get used to adjusting your expectations

Children really vary a lot at different ages: mine is 3 and sleeps well at night but is very demanding of my attention during the day. He was a very tolerant baby/small toddler really but is considerably stroppier now. Everything is a negotiation. I used to get him out of the house at 7am on my work days without too much trouble, but now it's a real battle to get his clothes on, shoes on etc etc.
However I have friends with 3 year olds who will potter around playing by themselves for significant periods of time.
Not really helpful for your planning I know but maybe useful to know you can't plan very easily (unless using planned childcare).

I have 3, ages 8, 6 & 3 & I found the easiest time was when I just had DS1 & he was not mobile ie under a year old.

Apart from that, I haven't found it gets easier or harder, just different. So when you have babies you have to think about feeds, naps, nappies. Then younger toddlers keeping everything safe. Older toddlers the start of tantrums & doing everything themselves. Then when they start school there are clubs, homework, playdates etc. Then the 8-year old is now obviously very independent & can help, but is already like a stroppy teenager! And having 3, I have a mixture of those at any one time.

That said, I love them all & wouldn't be without them A social life is pretty easy these days as they will settle for anybody & we also take them out everywhere & they will play together. Holiday was easy without nappies & pushchair & could sit on the beach with a drink watching them all play.

I was going to say I disagree with previous posters but of course it's not disagreeing, it's just different for everyone. I find my 2.5 year old hugely easier than when he was 6 months. I feel like some of "me" has returned.

It also depends on what you enjoy doing. I remember going for a lovely walk around the fields near our house with DS, when he was about 18 months old, and thinking to myself that I was doing something that I may well have done anyway even if I didn't have a toddler to entertain (though I might have stopped less often to examine snails). If your thing is going to the shopping centre then that is easy with a small one that naps, less easy once then want to get out of the buggy.

It really depends on what you are asking. Holidays for example it's going to be a long time before that holiday comes into play and with an 8 and 4 year old weekends are spent ferrying them around same with evenings. So that is different

But I go get child free time and it's easier and fun. For me it's really been since he was 4 but it started from 2

It really does vary.

We had a holiday when DD1 was 1ish and we planned things around her nap and it truly was lovely. DP and I got quality time whilst DD slept in pram and we had family fun too. Best of both worlds.

It would be more difficult for us to do that as we have two DDs but DD1 and I now go to cafes etc. after groups whilst baby naps and she generally happily sits with me (I provide her with books and sticker books of course).

You will find a routine as she gets bigger and bigger and then doing nice things that you used to enjoy will be more likely. DD2 has only just started having long naps indoors and shes almost 9m.

And if you don't bf (or do but can express) make an effort to go out with friends or to a fitness class. Even a walk with some music on your own can do wonders!

Try and have a walk tonight if you can. It may uplift your spirits.

And you can most likely make time to study soon. My 2yo started having 2-3hr naps everyday from about a year old and I can do all sorts now and she sleeps through it all.

Just hold tight

My daughter is 12 and has never entertained herself.....
Can you put him in a sling and get stuff done? ( not a degree tho ....)
My definition of a holiday has completely changed, and I don't remember when or how, but I remember stopping fighting it and embracing it at some point, and it started feeling good.
I actually going it easier when I had my second, as it was less intense than the one to one dynamic.
Hang in there op, it will with for you.

Between 3-4 I think. I love being a mum now and think
Primary school aged kids are ace. Early days are soul destroyingly boring / exhausting. I started my degree before I got
Pregnant but finished it when DD was 2.5. But I actually enjoyed doing it as I felt it gave me a legitimate reason to put her in nursery / tell DH to take her out Saturdays for example. I would go ahead with your degree if you can i think it's good to have something like that to focus on that's academically stimulating. What subject are you looking at doing it in ?