2 year old testing the boundaries

[User2468]

DS is 2 and he's testing the boundaries. I understand why, he doesn't understand the rules and I need to teach them to him but um, how?

I don't want to use a 'naughty step' or 'time out' type system as I don't think that's fair on a small child, but I need a way to show that certain behaviour is unacceptable.

I love the fact he is independent and 'spirited' but I also don't want him growing up a total shit bag!

No advice to offer. But I am watching with interest! My DD is 13 months and has suddenly taken to bawling her eyes out at nursery if they tell her not to throw toys.

Tone of voice is your friend. Plus stopping all other activity, focussing 100% on him, go down to his level and explain in a strong voice that the behaviour is not nice and that he must stop it immediately.

Look cross, no smiles and then stand up, turn your back on him and get back to what you were doing.

If he stops / does what you want, complete 180 - happy face, big smile, children's TV presenter voice and lots of praise for doing the right thing 'oh DS how wonderful, thank you so much for listening to mummy, good boy' etc.

Also, although it's hard the trick is to use positive language as v small children tend to not hear / not focus on 'dont' and just pay attention to the verb. So 'DS stop that. Please be kind and use gentle hands and feet'. Rather than 'don't kick people'.

Ooh good tip about focusing on the verb. I'm going to give that a try myself!

With my dd, I try and remain calm but in control. So speak in a calm but firm voice. And I found that I was overusing "please", like "stop throwing your toys please" (in an angry tone), so I have tried to stop using please when I am saying something that is more of an order than a request, if you see what I mean.

you don't need methods that young, just tell him to stop and natural consequences.
Lots of praise when they are being kind, and give them opportunitys to be kind so encourage them to help other kids, give a crying child a toy, etc