Help me get my head round ds1's extracurricular stuff...

[tortoiseSHELL]

I have always been of the 'don't give them too much to do outside school' parenting style. Now I'm finding my life is being taken over by extracurricular stuff - any advice?

Ds1 (5.9) currently has gymnastics on Tuesday (which he absolutely loves and I love too, so that is totally sacrosanct as far as I'm concerned, dd will also do it in Sep), after school club on Wednesday, always meets a friend on Thursday (again don't want to change that), swimming Saturday morning (9.30). Now he's got the opportunity to do orchestra Saturday morning at 9.30. So what do I do?

Orchestra would be REALLY good for him (I'm a musician btw), as it's why I got him doing the violin at this age really, socially it's good, good for learning that music is fun, making friends, learning to count/play in time/follow a conductor, improving sightreading.

Swimming - he's a bit of a dunce at this, but he NEEDS to learn to swim. Also it's a nice family time - dh takes dd swimming at the same time, and ds2 and I watch, and I will take him in when he's a bit bigger (it's v cold in the big pool!).

So do I change the swimming time, and somehow try and make it as nice a family time, making sure dd gets to swim, or not do the orchestra, or what? Can't get my head round the best thing to do, and am not a natural 'pushy' parent, and want my children to have time at home to chill and play firemen!

I'm not there yet as ds is only 2, but a friend said to me she couldn't understand why her dd (then 5) was seemingly so unsettled and grumpy all the time, tantrummy, not sleeping etc. Eventually to cut a long story short she discovered her dd was simply doing too much, a club or group every day after school plus playdates etc at weekends, and she wasn't getting enough time to simply hang out and "be". They chopped a few things and instantly things were much better.

Not saying by any means that you're in a similar situation, but why not ask your ds what he prefers? And see if he prefers a physical activity on Sat morning or a cerebral one, in which case that will make the swimming/orchestra choice easier? All I'm saying is that I really do get that you are not a pushy mum, but maybe a bit of space and unstructured time all together might be good, for you as well you must be knackered!!!!

hm, not sure I helped!

I definitely want him to have time and space, but I also think orchestra and swimming are both important - orchestra because it is SO good for musical development, and it's what music is about - doing it WITH people, but equally I don't want him to drown if he falls in a river, and want him to be able to go swimming with his friends and to enjoy it!

I think those activities all sound like a nice mixture of things tortoiseshell, physical, creative, etc

Frankly, I would give it a go with the music and move the swimming.

Personally I would stick with swimming until he "gets" it, which probably will be within the next year. You can then do swimming for fun. And at that point he can take up orchestra. He is still little in some respects and there is plenty of time to to get into the joining in aspects (and frankly I doubt that between afterschool club, gym and a weekly playdate you really need to worry that much about his socialisation!) All of these activities are good but they can be spread over several years.

hmm, tricky one! All the joys of these decisions are yet to come to me, as I said ds is only 2!
Have you asked him what he would prefer? Or if you are really keen that he does both looks like the swimming will have to move!

Its a pain tortoise. I have 3 kids aged 11, 9 and 5 and my routine goes like this

Mon dd ballet 4.15 -5.15
ds1 footie 6.30 - 7.30
Tue dd riding 3.45 - 4.45
Wed ds2 swimmimng 2-3
dd piano 2.45-3.15
ds1 footie 6.30 -7.30
Thu NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!
Fri cricket 7-8.30
Sat footie various times

Add to this various playdates and its a bloody nightmare! Carpooling is one answer -I do this as much as possible. DH does Saturday footie. I love the fact that they love their activities and work hard at them but it is bloody difficult, esp the cricket pick-up on a Friday night

I'm definitely going to stick with swimming lessons - he's improved SO much, but still has a LONG way to go. I'm veering towards moving the swimming lessons in September, so he could start orchestra then.

There's no point asking my ds1 anything about what he'd like/not like to do - he without fail gives an incorrect/nonsensical answer!!! Because he finds it very funny to annoy me when I'm trying to be serious!

I would add that I think swimming is REALLY important. The only non-negotiable one in lots of families for obvious reasons

I agree oxocube about the swimming!

I dread to think what it's going to be like when dd and ds2 really get into activities - I'm trying to find things they can do together (like the gymnastics for example, rather than ballet), but everything is mounting up!

My Ds is 5 and does a lot less than that. He is an absolute poppet and phenomonally good tempered, but he does go downhill (sometimes rapidly )if he gets over tired. However, that is just him - other children may be a bit more up for things than he is.

Personally, I would stick with the swimming. Its good exercise, great for co ordination, acheivable, a good family activity and I think has an impact on things you can do/holidays you can take, I think that (and learning to ride a bike, which DS cannot do either!) are important life skills.

I think learning the violin falls more into the optional category. We have agreed that DS can learn to play the piano, but that he has to be able to read, swim and cycle first. So personally I would put orchestra back a bit. It may be something that you feel more strongly about than he does. To me it seems a big ask for a 5 year old (but then I have an indolent and unmusical 5 year old!)

I do in general agree that you need to underschedule them at that age and make sure they've got a bit of "slack" in their routines.

I agree with Cam - there's a good balance there of physical, creative and social, tortoiseshell, and I would also move the swimming. Orchestra - fantastic
We had our Hell freezeth over moment last term when ds was really miserable in his weekly swimming class, not progressing at all, and his lack of confidence in our deep, cold, due to be knocked down soon old baths, was jeered at by a cover teacher. So he is NOT currently doing formal lessons - just romping around in a leisure pool weekly, learning to love the water again. He can float, knows all the basic pool and water safety precautions, and can buzz up and down on his back. so we've left it. I still feel vaguely guilty though.

marina - I hope you complained! I dread to think what would happen if that happened to ds1 - I think he would never go in the pool again! Ds1 alas can not float - he sinks like a stone! I put it down to his extreme thinness - he has no body fat. Dd on the other hand is extremely buoyant !

Anchovy - I agree, at the moment it probably is something I care more about than him, but on the other hand, the thing I feel strongly about is that music is something you do WITH people, and I'd like him to do that from an early stage with the violin. He's doing pretty well on the violin, and can read music now, so I think he'd cope from that side of things, it's simply the 'cramming' the day full.

at the cover swimming teacher Marina.

My dd plays the violin in her school orchestra tortoiseshell, although she is much older than your ds, I can say that the children do love being part of a music-making group

(I should add, it is a pre-Grade 1 orchestra....not sure how melodious it will sound!)

Ah, we're talking Portsmouth Sinfonia
I still think it is a fabulous idea but then you hardly need persuading
We are very lucky with the number and variety of pools in our borough, which has a long-standing and venerable tradition of elderly geezers still training and swimming the channel into their 80s - but the people who run the group lessons and some of the teachers seem to belong to the Sod You School of Public Service
I will miss looking at the trainer of the other group - kids who don't sink, who was a superfit Steve Redgrave lookylikey in teeny Speedos though

mm, ds1's teacher is very easy on the eye...

TS - i would go with the music and move the swimming. The more activities the better as far as I am concerned!

I think we will probably do that from September beetroot! I just don't want to exhaust the poor boy! Heavens knows what his schedule will be like if he joins the choir too when he's 7!

Do your kids enjoy their busy routine? I'm sure they do, but do you ever get that niggly feeling that they need more time?

I'm still trying to work out just how we got into the situation of our three having too many things to do

And even now, DS1 and DS2 are both unhappy because we can't fit in a rugby club and football club respectively, even though they don't want to give anything else up.

My kids keep asking to do more and more stuff.

Even the choritesters try and cram in as m uch after school as possible.

DS3 who is 10 now wants to do tennis on his only evening off.

ds1 does Judo after choir so does not get home until 9 and hten does prep - they seem to love it

beety, your kids are amazing!

Talked to dh last night, and it occurred to me that by September he might be able to go into the next one up (for Grade 1 standard ), which is a bit later so he could fit swimming in earlier, which might be the best solution all round.

Unknownrebel - there's SO much for them to do now isn't there - I guess they do just have to pick and choose.

My mum says it is like kids in a sweetie shop - they want everything.

I as much as I can, let them do whatever they want - as long as they commit to it for a term at least.

I just think it is fabulous for they to have the opportunity to try out everything and see what their passions are.

Yes perhaps if he wil be moved up by september then let him stay where he is for the moment