Is it true that you're more chilled out with your 2nd baby?

[Writerwannabe83]

When DS was born (he's now 3) the first few months were horrendous for lots of reasons and I had some very low moments quite frequently.

I'm now 24 weeks pregnant with DC2 and my excitement is a little bit overcloyded by the resurfacing memories of his touch I found it when DS was born and getting anxious about having to cope with it again.

I have spoke to a few people who have mainly said, "It's different with your second though, you're much more relaxed" and I can't tell if it's just a platitude to try and ease my worries as opposed to it actually bring true.

Did anyone else struggle with their first but then have a completely different experience with their second?

Totally true. Going from none to one was bloody hard, a huge shock to the system. Going from one to two is so easy in comparison. You know the deal, you're in mummy mode already. Plus second borns tend to be more chilled, they get used to being put down while mum deals with the eldest, especially if the age gap is small. First borns tend to get used to being entertained and stimulated all the time, where as younger siblings seem to be much more content to make their own entertainment. I've found this with my two and with those I work with.

This pretty much sums it up....

Number one is a complete culture shock, nothing can prepare you for how different your life will be, even simple things like nipping to the shop which takes twice the time, then there's the lack of sleep, routines as well as the sense of overwhelming responsibility that I think most people feel when they have their dc.

By dc2 you're already used to the life with a baby / toddler so it's not a completely new way of life like dc1 is, which makes dc2 feel easier.

Obviously it is harder in some respects.
There's no question that it's easier to look after 1 child than two when out and about. It's quicker to dress one child than two, easier to feed one child than two.
Physically it's double the work when dc2 comes along but it definitely didn't feel that way to me.

I think with dc 1 you don't appreciate how much unnecessary work you can make for yourself until dc2 comes along and you don't have time to mess about as much.

I found it easier when dc2 came along because not only was I used to waking up during the night, used to BF, used to nappies, dressing a tiny baby, sorting out sleep routines etc so baby 2 just slotted in. I also felt so much more relaxed about things because I'd done it before it wasn't all new to me.

I'm sure you will be fine op, Congratulations on your pregnancy

I came very close to only having one. Found the whole pregnancy, birth and babyhood incredibly incredibly tough. Although adore my toddler now.

Fell instantly head over heels for my second and couldn't get enough baby cuddles.

The experiences were chalk and cheese.

With my first I struggled to leave he house, get washed, eat, do anything! With my second, despite having a toddler into the mix, I started baking (not sure what came over me!!)

Mine had serious medical issues, a lengthy hospital stay, physio, speech therapy, various other follow-ups...

Still easier than the first

Much easier second time round for me too! My ds1 is also 3 (in fact think we were on some of the same feeding/sleep threads back then) and we had a very difficult few months with him - feeding and weight problems, expressing round the clock for weeks, no sleep...

Anyway I'm currently up feeding DS2 who's 8 weeks old and it's totally different and so far much better. He is generally contented, he's gaining weight, and sleep is not bad (this is the first time he's woken up tonight since 10.30!)

I'm not saying i haven't had moments of exhaustion and worry but I'm generally much more relaxed this time and I don't have the same feeling of my life having been turned upside down. Your second wil be a different baby, so don't assume you'll automatically be hit with the same problems as first time round. And even if you are, you'll handle them differently because, as others have said, you have better perspective on how relatively short each phase is and the shock of having a baby just won't be the same.

Congrats on your pregnancy and try not to worry. It will all be different and hopefully much easier

I've found looking after two to be harder work than looking after one, but gong from 1 to 2 FAR easier than 0 to 1. It's relentless but so much less stressful. I just don't have that overwhelming "ohmygodwhatamidoingwhathashappenedtomylife" feeling. I'm not worried about her eating or her sleep (even though sleep is even worse than DS) because this time I really know it will pass. I enjoyed DD's infancy in a way that I didn't think was possible right up to the day I delivered.

I should add that on the days I have them both I find it really hard at the moment but that's because DD is a very unsettled and colicky baby so if she's awake she's crying...I break up the day by letting DS nap in his buggy so we'll all go out in the double buggy and they'll both sleep for around 2 hours while I get a bit of fresh air.

I am more chilled with the things I used to over the top fret about with DD1 buuut I am definitely less chilled in the sense that is a lot harder with two. For me anyway! (2.3yo and 8mo).

I don't know that the word "chilled" has ever been used to describe me. However, I found my first child a total shock to the system and a long, hard adjustment. My second DC was probably a less easy baby, but forewarned is forearmed, and I coped far better.

Another one here who actually enjoyed the whole baby stage second time round! I think a large part of this was due to the fact that I didn't have PND caused by a shitty birth and also knew what to expect. So while DD1 was at school (she was 5.5 when her sister arrived), I happily sat on the sofa watching telly whilst feeding/cuddling DD2 to sleep for the first 5 months. I continued to cuddle to sleep for naps until very recently (she's now 16 months) and coslept when I had to, without worrying too much about 'creating bad habits'. We still had a routine, but it was more relaxed than with DD1.

Don't get me wrong, there were still days when I cried and thought I can't do it anymore - DD2 had reflux and colic for the first 5 months, and poor DD1's behaviour became quite challenging for a while as she got used to no longer being the sole centre of attention. The big age gap also makes it tricky now to keep both of them entertained at the same time.

But overall, I wish I could go back in time to when I had DD1 and tell myself to just chill out a bit more!

You are more relaxed yes. BUT you have no choice with another to look forward to as well! My standards are definitely lower now with 2!

To look after, not forward!

Second baby infinitely easier. Mine were very similar babies in that neither slept and both had reflux but I was different. The shock and sheer terror of the first was gone. I knew what to do and I actually enjoyed baby no2
It was the two year old that was hard work....

I found so. I had a horrendous time with DS took me a good while to even think about having another but second time round is definitely easier. You feel more confident and remember what corners you can skip

Without a doubt. I'm enjoying it this time round, breastfeeding is going well when last time it didn't and I'm not constantly suffering with gut wrenching panic and anxiety that I'm somehow getting it wrong or doing something that will irreparably damage the baby. The new baby (7 weeks) could be calmer or it could just be that I'm calmer, but either way, I'm astonished at how much easier it is.