How do you handle different parenting views of dc's

[duvet]

Maybe this should be in the 'Am I being unreasonable' section, what it is is dd1 (3.11) and her best friend get very excited when they see each other and sometimes they just don't calm down. DD's friend likes to scream and shout which i try and discourage in dd, she isn't like that at home, they just wind each other up into a frenzy, running around the house etc. Not that bad I know, but it is a bit grating after a while. When dd visits other playdates she will just play imaginary with them and get along fine playing on the floor with toys. Today we met up in a cafe and once again they set each other off being noisy and hyper so much so some people were , so I said to dd to be quieter because people were getting upset by the noise and looking at them, this worked well. However as soon as she sees her friend next time I know it'll be the same, am I being too fussy or is it okay for me to give her a pep talk about calming down a bit particularly when she likes to copy her friend. Friends mum comments on the nasty din but doesn't do much about it confident. Could be worse I know but I find it irritating particularly when I see how calmly dd plays with other friends. Any comments?

should read - 'some people were staring'

At this age I would just say if they couldn't calm down we would have to leave. It is one thing in your own home, but you don't sit in a cafe letting your nearly 4 year old children run around screaming.

Yeah well thankfully they weren't running around and once I'd had aquiet word with dd she did behave.

I more asking if I should expect her to calm down a bit at her friends house, when they are both so excited to see each other.

I don't know, do you think it would achieve anything? In your own house I think you can set ground rules, but in someone else's house you can't really object to the other girl running and shouting if her mum doesn't mind it.

I would try to get them involved in a quieter activity if it was bothering me - play a board game or get them doing some drawing etc. However I think if the normal state of play is that your dd's friend gets very excited and makes a lot of noise, you will probably just have to put up with this from time to time or find another friend....

And I can see why you are irritated - I don't like that sort of thing either and it's annoying when your dd doesn't do it with other children - but it won't hurt your dd and is a testament to her ability to adapt in different situations. Tbh if she was coming to you and saying "I don't like X because she is noisy and shouty" then that would suggest she was going to have problems in certain situations where children are being rowdy. It's good she can cope with it IYSWIM.

I would tell them to go in another part of the house to be noisy so you and your friend can talk. It'll be easier in the warmer weather, too.

Yes I think months of being cooped up doesn't help, now you mention it I remember a similar phase last winter! Thanks for your helpful thoughts.