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Original poster

What would you do if .....?

39 replies

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:05

DD1 aged 14 & 2 weeks came home with 2 huuuge lovebites on her neck from her boyfriend who's also 14 and she's been seeing for 7 mths. Hypothetically of course.

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chenin · 10/03/2007 21:09

I would be seriously worried.... I have 2 DDs, 18 and 15... and I cannot imagine either of them coming home with lovebites on their neck.... that is a serious snogging session, not a quick french kiss to see what its like!

Is it hypothetical?

chenin · 10/03/2007 21:10

Need to qualify... 18yo DD has had serious bf she has slept with but that was when she was 17.5 and not 14....

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:11

Sadly not. Discovered them tonight. Had a very serious talking to with her but, and I know this is pathetic, but feel quite ill at the thought of someone devouring my daughter.

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LilyLoo · 10/03/2007 21:13

Difficult one. I had first serious boyfriend at this age lasted over five years you think he the love of your life and no one can tell you otherwise ESPECIALLY your mum!

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:15

Helliebean - I'm so crap at this. would like us to be able to talk about "things" sensibly but she was only 14 2 weeks ago. My friend thinks I should put her on the pill but I cant/wont/dont want to etc while she's this young. She's promised me that she she's being sensible & she's not interested in doing anything but the love bites have really worried me.

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Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:17

Lilyloo - I know. (felt myself turning into my mum who obviously couldn't possibly know anything about anything) when I was shrieking, no sorry talking, to her.

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foxinsocks · 10/03/2007 21:18

I guess they were experimenting (with the lovebites)? I can remember doing that with bf around the same age to see what happened .

I dunno, my kids aren't that age yet so I imagine it's a whole new ball game but I would just keep talking channels open as much as poss.

Have you had contraception talk with her?

themoon66 · 10/03/2007 21:20

God it's horrible isn't it? DD took up with 29 year old yeuky greasy looking slobbo when she was only 17 and came home with love bites on her neck. I felt physically sick at the thought of him salivating over my precious baby

paulaplumpbottom · 10/03/2007 21:23

eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww. Why do they do this?

Lullabyloo · 10/03/2007 21:29

when i was 14 I had a 3 yr relationship with a 36 yr old.
At 17 met a 53 year old & was happily with him for 5 yrs.

however.....if I had a daughter & she did as I did.....I'd be totally mortified.
It 's very hard.

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:31

thanks for your replies - my friend who thought she should go on the pill has 2 ds's aged 7 & 9 & i did say to her but its all very well saying that, if it was your 14 yr old daughter what would you think. To my shame I had a lovebite at the same age but it was an experimental thing too - I guess you feel differently about things when your babies are involved. My next question is do I tell dh? Not into keeping secrets but I think he'll go mad & ban her from seeing him. I dont want to make this lad seem exciting if he's a secret. Also if it was an experiment type thing dont want to blow it up into something its not because I know dh will go mad.

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nikkie · 10/03/2007 21:35

I have to admit to doing more than kissing at 14 , I wouldn't have gone on the pill though.
Do you have an open relationship with her and could try and get extra Sex ed talk in?

chenin · 10/03/2007 21:39

I'm not really helping... I just think that lovebites are our era... as opposed to now! French kissing and feeling around are much more a sign of the times. Maybe lovebites aren't that wrong... perhaps she is just happy with snogging and love bites...

If it were my 15 yo... please don't take offence... I would remove the opportunity of her being able to do this. I would keep a very tight rein on her... I just don't think they are ready at 14 or 15 to have more than a bit of a kiss.

Pls dont take offence.. I am just applying yr situation to what my 15yo is like and I just know she is not ready for lovebites.

chenin · 10/03/2007 21:41

AND I would not dream of putting her on the pill yet... that is rubber stamping more IMHO.

Can you talk to her?

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:47

Helliebean - thats exactly why she's not going on the pill!

I guess I'm torn between thinking at 14 I thought lovebites were ok & had absolutely no intention of doing anything else which is what dd tells me & thinking of my bf who got pregnant by an 18 yr old when she was 14.

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brimfull · 10/03/2007 21:49

i agree with helliebean here.
I have a 15 yr old and I would be horrified.I would rein her in a bit.She may thank you for it.
God it's hard isn't it?
Maybe sit down and discuss what she thinks is acceptable and try and agree something,like no going out alone .
I do realise it's very easy me saying all this,it's another thing doing it.
Definately wouldn't suggest she goes on the pill.

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 21:50

Why is it people say they get easier when they get older - ds2 is 2 1/2 & is quite demanding but god, 14 yr old girls.

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chenin · 10/03/2007 21:50

What a coincidence... my bf had a baby at 15 (got pregnant at 14) also!!

I just think you have to pick the right time and talk talk talk..... a good time is in the car... they can't walk away, slam a door, disappear. I take a deep breath, wait until I am in the car with either DD and slowly bring up what is worrying me.... and I do try not to yell like a fishwife but it doesnt always work!

chenin · 10/03/2007 21:53

I just think, KathH, that each age brings a different set of problems.... to my mind, worries about teens are far worse than when they were younger but I remember what I was like as a teen!

brimfull · 10/03/2007 21:56

I try and remember what I was thinking at this age.They are so vulnerable.I wish my mum had sat me down and said
"you know ggirl,lovebites are so not a good look!"
Communication and letting her do the talking is the key I think.She may not have enjoyed these lovebites but felt obliged iykwim.She may just need someone to tell her she doesn't need to do that sort of thing.
Do her friends get lovebites?

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 22:02

ggirll - a couple of them have. I told her that if she wanted to get called a slag etc then she was going the right way about it.

Have I handled this really badly? Just feel so useless, we've always been quite close. I was only 20 when I had her. The problem is, I know what I was like at 14. If my mum had banned me from seeing my boyfriend ( who was 18 when I was 14) I would have just lied to her about where I was going which is quite often what I did.

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themoon66 · 10/03/2007 22:07

helliebean... i tried the talking in the car thing, but she jumped out at the traffic lights

I won though, coz the heavens opened and she was trying to walk and look stroppy as I pulled alongside her and her drowned rat hairstyle. I put the window down, we caught each other's eyes and both giggled. She got back in the car.

brimfull · 10/03/2007 22:11

where are they seeing each other ?
Does she go out in the evenings?

Original poster

KathH · 10/03/2007 22:17

He usually comes round to our house & they go upstairs into her room. This is not as mad as it sounds with dd2 who's 10, ds1 who's 8 & ds2 who's 2 1/2 they probably only get about 5 mins together on their own. They obviously see each other at school.

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chenin · 10/03/2007 22:19

Well Kath you can still laugh together so thats a good thing!

We are at different ends of a spectrum... you had you 14yo at 20... I had my 15yo at... wait for it... 37... but I sooo remember what it was like at that age.

I would seriously remove any opportunity for her to be with this boy! Is it after school, when she is with friends... I would just very subtly tighten up the reins on her. Is that possible?

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