Do you think it's ok to shout at someone else's children?

[LilyLoo]

We went to a party today and dad of said party child shouted at some of children there when got over boistrous. Per se i wouldn't, however i didn't really have problem with it (wasn't my child) but some other parents didn't look too happy. Just wondered what you thought about this?

Raised his voice in order to be heard, or really shouted at them?

Personally, I'd have no problem with parent setting boundaries with my child - but shouting at her, especially in anger, I wouldn't like.

I don't think I would necessarily 'shout' at another child, but if the child needed telling I would definately tell them.

If I thought someone was going to get hurt, I would immediatley intervene, but if it wasnt urgent Id get the "offenders" parents.

I'd be upset if he was shouting at an individual child, but not if there was a group of them being boistrous.

My DH does this. He doesn't shout so much as tell them off assertively not angrily. I think he's right. He does it when, for example, kids are throwing sand at each other.
The other day he told off a boy who'd climbed up onto forbidden railings while he was walking along with the child's mother - who was saying nothing.

I don't mind people telling my kids off if they're misbehaving as long as it's not in an agressive way.

I think if he was doing it as a case of making sure noone got hurt I wouldnt have a problem with it.
I have been to my bf sons party with 30 5 yr olds running around and there was some kicking and shoving going on, I waited to see if any of the 30 parents would do anything but noone did, so I approached him and told him firmly it wasnt acceptable and that 1 more strike and he would come off the play area...I felt a bit weird doing it, but I hate it when no one does anything(bystander effect...hehe...see Im really starting to learn in my psychology lectures hehe)
I guess without knowing the full story and context and the tone of his voice its hard to say, but I would think it was acceptable.

Agree. Non aggressive telling off, assertiveness, when necessary, good. Aggression, dumping of anger, not good.

Sound totally Ok in this context - adults need to keep control imo and if these kids were causing problems, spoiling the fun for the others, possibly coming close to damaging stuff, and generally getting out of hand then I think they needed reigning in !

If however you are talking about a strange adult yelling at someone elses child and frightening them - then no I don't think it's Ok at all !

Just took them to one side really and told them but was bit difficult when he said they couldn't participate in games etc. as felt parents of child then didn't really know what to do. i.e was it just for few minutes or not.

There is no need to shout at other peoples children unless they're about to run into a busy street or fall into a river.

I have a loud telling-off voice but it's not aggressive. I use this on other peoples children all the time - especially when I'm working at pre-school.

We have a teaching student in my DD1s Reception class at the moment whom DD1 described as 'a bit shouty'. She has actually reduced some of the children to tears - I'm helping out in class at the end of the week and I'll be watching her like a hawk!

I agree that it depends very much on what sort of raised voice he used. Was he doing all the crowd control on his own?
Usually I find that parents who stay to parties happily sit there chatting to each other leaving all the work and crowd control to the hosts. I would think that if the dad had reason to raise his voice it would mean that any parents present were not keeping their children in check, so I can't see why they would have anything to be niggled about, if someone else is forced to do it for them iyswim

Yes but where does a "loud telling-off voice" end and "shouting" begin ?

One man's telling-off voice is another man's shout imho !

No I would never shout at another persons children or mine for that matter unless I needed to stop them from doing something dangerous eg stepping out into a road.

I would not be happy if someone shouted at my child either.

I agree with Spidermama and Elibean.

I wouldn't shout but I don't have a problem with correcting someone elses child.

Raising your voice slightly inorder to be heard in a group situation is different and yes like you greensleeves I agree with Elibean and Spidermama - but aggressive shouting NO

It is really stressful organising a party and keeping all the children safe and healthy. I expect the children were getting to boistous and the Dad got worried that someone would be hurt.

Parents who run parties don't have teacher/ preschool leader qualifications. It's not the end of the world a child getting shouted at when they are silly. Its not as if the man in question decided to take a stick to them.

I don't advocate shouting at children, but I think the Dad needed help with the party rather than critism.

When I was a child - ALL adults had authority ! I was terrified of policemen telling me off and would hardly have said boo to a goose in front of one of my friend's mums. I knew that if I dropped a sweet wrapper in the street someone would tell me off. This wasn't a problem - it was the way of the world ! I wasn't abused or terrorised - but By God I knew I had to behave in front of adults.

These days - parents are too scared to say anything when a visiting child misbehaves at their house in case the parents have a go at them. People are too scared to ask the teenager's hogging the swings at the playground to get off and let the small kids go on them.

WHY IS THIS ?? Because the balance has shifted from the adults being in charge to it being all about the rights of the child. The rights of the child to do what it likes maybe.

Debate ?

I will happily tell off any child on is around... not in a shouting way necessarily.

when my charge and one of her best friends (who i loook fater during playdates etc alot) were both being really grumpy / unkind / horrible etc to each other (like 4 year olds do) i had no hesitation in telling them if they didnt both start being nice they would both be put into a (different spare) bedroom!

I know little girls mum was quite happy with that! (incidently they then decided to start being nice to each other.... if they hadnt they would have both had 4 mins out in a spare (ie very boring, no toys etc) bedroom!

Scatterbrain, I totally agree with you.

Who doesn't remember being shouted at by "other" adults? I remember being shouted at by a bus conductor for making too much noise (I was) and by a friend's mum for making a mess (I had).

The fact that I still remember these events means that they had an impact. Adults should have authority over children and if being told off by an adult who is not a parent is the worst thing that ever happens to a child, then they are very lucky. Doubly lucky in fact as it means they live in a society where other people bother to take an interest in children's behaviour.

I told a child off last year - horrible child (about 11) throwing sugar around in a cafe, pretending to snort it like it was cocaine and calling the (foreign and not very fluent in English) waitress a bitch when she turned her back. He just laughed at me. I happen to know the school this child attends because I recognised the uniform - I wish I had grabbed his bag, found out his name from his school books and called the headmaster. To be honest, I really wish I could have grabbed him by the ear and frogmarched him back to school for a massive showdown, parents hauled in and everything, but I would have been done for assault or somesuch.

Sorry to sound so Daily Mail but grrrr.

Thanks margoandjerry (love your name by the way !) - somehow I suspect that a lot of people will be along soon to disagree !