Does anyone know of any books for stress/temper control?

[AshamedandNeedHelp]

I've done something pretty awful this morning, and i'm too ashamed to say what.

Does anyone know of any good methods or books for controlling temper?

Keeping an anger diary can be really helpful as it shows you the patterns of your anger and helps you identify when you are going down the route of losing it long before you get there. You have to be brutally honest with yourself though.

Other than that relaxation techniques such as visualisation and breathing exercises can be really good for keeping you calm. As can regular exercise as it helps you get rid of stress.

Ohh poor you. I loose my temper all the time. I bet you're feeling worse than the reciprient right now. I was looking for an anger management book in Borders, but got seriously annoyed with all the books, so can't really help. Be nice to yourself, make sure you get some time and money to spend on yourself is all I can say.

brutally honest? i think i'm just a rotten person. i've behaved horribly today. my child deserves better than me ATM

Hello. Please don't berate yourself too much. Whatever it was, it is done now. Remember how you feel right now and tell yourself it won't happen again. I promise you we have all got our guilty moments of anger x

The reason i know about this subject is that i have a temper myself and often feel I'm a crap parent. unfortunately guilt makes things worse so try not to give yourself too hard a time and just resolve to do better. Positive thoughts will help you stay calmer than kicking yourself.

Poor you. When I was having real trouble controlling my temper, I used to imagine that I was being filmed for one of those Supernanny-type progs, and try to keep in mind what the videotape would look like when played back in cold blood. Or try to imagine that your mum/partner/friend is observing you.

Count to ten SLOWLY.

Just walk away, whatever the deal is (unless situation is really potentially dangerous). Put a locked door between you and the relevant child, and give yourself a good 10-15 minutes to calm down.

I also used to take a really deep breath, then try to blow it out very hard through a very small mouth-hole (if that makes sense) - maybe a straw would work - while tensing stomach muscles. Doing this a few times really seemed to release the boiling sensation in my stomach.

Don't beat yourself up too much. You won't be the first person to have done whatever you did in the heat of the moment. Feeling ashamed is all well and good (and can help to get you to address things that need to be addressed) but there is a difference between losing control very occasionally and systematic, deliberate abuse.

If you're really worried, I seem to remember that organisations like Parentline Plus have counselling lines you can ring.

i'm bloody crying now. i have loads of fun with my little one, a real laugh, but when i was trying to change him, and he's twisting and wriggling, and won't stay still...

i don't want him to hate me, i really don't. i can't tell DP what i've done. i couldn't stand him knowing.

i need to stop losing it. it sounds silly but i forget to count to 10 or leave the room, until it's too late.

That's where an anger diary can help you. I know that if I am tired or hormonal or not feeling well my tolerance levels are way down and I need to walk away much sooner than on a good day. An anger diary can help you learn your triggers.

Also are you feeling depressed? That can have a huge impact on anger levels.

Call the counselling line - google Parentline Plus.

I know what you mean about forgetting to use the calming techniques until it's too late, but what you can do is recognise when you're starting to get wound up - but before you reach boiling point - and just leave the room. For a good long while, to give yourself time to get it in perspective, not just for a couple of minutes. Come and post on here. Your child will probably be so surprised that they'll stop playing up anyway.

Try to 'fix' the feeling that you're experiencing right now and make a pact with yourself that, rather than feeling like this again, you will walk away before you explode. Maybe try something physical to release the tension - grap a pillow and wallop it against the wall until you're too tired to continue.

BTW, agree with amynnixmum's suggestions too. Might try the diary myself.

thanks everyone.

my baby is the sweetest little character, and he deserves the best mother, which i'm not being right now. I must try harder.

Have you ever tried relaxation techniques? I had lessons years ago and to be honest it has been a godsend over the years...initially it took 15 minutes to go into a deep relatation (you feel WONDERFUL afterwards) but once youve got it you can use the breathing techniques in stressful situations. I know as busy mums we dont have the time for lessons but you can use a CD - I dont have this one (actually I may have to get it now as my old one is on tape) but the divinity self help CDS are usually good.

relaxation CD

thanks Grumpygirl, i'll have a look at that.

all the books i can find online are about dealing with kids anger, not the parents being angry towards kids. says alot about me.

Oh I think we ALL get the white rage at some time...some people admit it some people dont - the important thing is to be able to take a step back from it.

It may take a while to perfect the relaxation technique but really is worth it.

Just googled anger management and there is quite a lot of stuff you can read through.