Feeling jealous/possessive about 9 month old

[TheChineseChicken]

In the last couple of days I have been plagued with disturbing possessive feelings about my 9 month old DD. As her personality has developed I've become more and more attached to her and feel like I want to keep her to myself, even away from my husband (obviously I'm not actually doing this). I hate the thought of her going to nursery when I return to work as other people will be looking after her. I even worry about how much she loves me and whether she will like other people more than me. I find myself cuddling and kissing her and feeling hurt when she wriggles away to play.

Just writing this I feel like I sound a bit nuts! Is this normal? Have other mothers felt this way?

Just looking at her now I'm overcome with how much I love her

Hi congrats on becoming a mum.... you say 9 mnth old... so you probably start work soon and this could just be down to you feeling anxious about your time alone with her nearing an end.

personally i looked forward to my kids starting nursery... i wanted them to become independent and build their own relationships and i love working... gives me some time for myself and meet other people.

i too fear that my kids wouldn't want to know me or love me as much when they grow up... God forbid if that happens I would just accept it if it made them happy.

i work full-time which makes the time we spend together even more special.

Thank you Hope. You're right that this is probably due to me starting to think about going back to work. Until recently I was quite happy about going back because I struggled a bit with mat leave and was convinced I wouldn't want to stay at home. Now I am enjoying it more I feel sad and guilty about leaving her. I'm her mum and she needs me!

i was very upset when my first one started nursery... she didn't cry but i did...but it will pass... getting back into working is also hard... i wanted to quit afta i returned from mat leave... but just wait it out and soon you will get into a routine... main thing is nursery is really good for children... i think personally.

DD is very sociable and loves other children so I think nursery will be good for her in that respect. I'm glad to hear you had the same reservations as me but got past them

I felt a little the same even though like you I was not a fan of mat leave really! When I went back to work I felt much more rebalanced and so happier. I still absolutely love the bones of him but I had the same thoughts, that no one else could look after him..turns out they can!

Woops pressed send too soon. So yes its normal and yes you will be fine!

That's comforting to hear, thank you!

I know exactly how you feel OP! I'm back to work after Easter and I wish I could phone up work and say I'm never coming back, you can't make me

Are you planning on going back full time/part time or can you do felxi working?

I'm not happy about leaving 7 month old DS with MIL for 2 days a week, she doesn't do what I ask regarding naps and food and thinks she knows best because she's had 3 kids of her own, but my family can only do so much childcare and I don't think I'd feel happy to put him in nursery (I'm a massive worrier, nothing against nurseries and those that use them, I just don't like leaving DS) so I have no choice really. I know I will be so anxious those 2 days every week, worrying is he ok, has she let him nap (he loves his sleep and gets so grumpy is he doesn't nap but she doesn't think he needs so much), has he eaten ok etc and I'm dreading it.

Thankfully, I'm happy with my DM and DSis looking after him for the other 2 days so I'll be happy at least half of my working week

I'm guessing it's a normal feeling and when we're back at work and into a routine with it, all will be fine and dandy

I'm going back 4 days - considered 3 but financially 4 is a lot better for us.

I know I'll be fine when I get back into it but the thought of it is so sad! It's the end of an era in my life that had so much build up and anticipation.

Both my boys are mummies boys and I love it. I get secret satisfaction when they choose me over other people and find it difficult to be away from them unless its on my terms. I remember having gone back to work when ds1 was 1 and collecting him to be told he liked something id never given him and being irrationally angry that this woman was telling ME what MY son liked it bothered me for days.

Andit I can totally understand that and am sure I will be exactly the same!