Mother In Law Predicament - am I being unreasonable?

[Fevs]

My relationship with my inlaws is very up and down. They live very close by and are obsessed with my daughter (first grandchild) so have always wanted to see her a lot and pop by unannounced etc etc. We've had some run ins in the past but generally things are fine.

The ironic thing is although when they're not with us we hear from them a lot when they're only with my daughter I get radio silence.

I am now back at work full time and my nearly 2 year old spends 2 days a week with my MIL and 3 days a week at nursery. Of course I am very grateful to my MIL for this but she has made it very clear that she doesn't understand why we send her to nursery at all and thinks she should be with them every day.

I asked at the very beginning, 6 months ago, if she could please text me once a day letting me know how my daughter is and I would be really grateful. I obviously miss her loads and although I'm very busy with work a brief text with how shes getting on, if she's had a good sleep or how she's eaten (any or all of the above) is always reassuring to receive.
For some reason this is always a problem. She will never text me. I am always texting her and on the one occasion that I did call she practically laughed down the phone as if to say what on earth are you doing. It made me feel ridiculous even though deep down I think I'm within my right to hear something.

I am never doing it in a way where I don't trust her or am checking up, it's always simply because I miss my little girl and would like a brief insight into her day.

I mentioned it to my husband and he had a word and for a day I got two messages full of kisses and detail but after that it stopped. I know looking after a child is full on - of course I do! Let alone for a 60yr old but she naps for 2 hours and they put her infront of the tv a lot so I'm sure she could find a couple of minutes.

My sister in law mentioned that my MIL had hinted at being full aware and said along the lines of ' I don't think I keep in touch enough for her'. No, nothing isn't enough at all.

How do others manage this communication/relationship as at the moment it's making me feel pretty miserable and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.
Help or advice most welcome!
Thanks

I'm not as old as OP's MiL but I do find the constant texting and sending of photos that many people indulge in quite bizarre. OP - when you're at work your mum shouldn't be bombarding you with texts and photos.

My childminder often sends a photo of the children, not every day, but I am sure if I asked her to she would. Sounds to me like the two of you are in a power struggle and it must be stressful

I must say that I am a little surprised that fellow mums think that asking for a text is seen as demanding. I have read far worse demands on this very site!

I do trust my MIL, I wouldn't leave my LO with her if I didn't and this isn't because I am checking up on her or I don't trust her. It is more because I miss her while I am work all day so a little text saying 'hi, she's asleep at the mo, went to the park earlier etc' is nice to read. It brightens my day. Like I say doesn't even have to be all the time.
But yes it does make me feel a bit concerned about other things that I might request that probably don't happen. They do tend to want to ignore any kind of requests about her routine, her bedtime if she stays over, not to give her bad food/drinks etc.
And no I don't get any sort of run done when I collect her really but thought asking for that could be one step too far!

I could look into nursery full time but you're right her looking after her is as much for her benefit as mine. Trust me, she wants it to be increased to 5 days so if I made it occasional babysitting there would be problems. Of course her looking after her granddaughter is a big help for me but I am still allowed to have preferences or requests.

At the end of the day she is my child and as a mother herself I would have just thought she would want to message me occasionally knowing how I feel.

A friend recently said that my mum is inclusive whereas my MIL is exclusive while they are looking after my LO and that really struck a chord. It does feel like my mum wants to include me in their day and understands whereas my MIL does all she can to make me feel excluded.
I find that a bit strange.

@PetallyTyrants it is 1 text message, not even every day.
I would hardly call that a bombardment

You clearly miss your DD. Any chance you could work part time?

X-post
I'm talking about your mum who you said sends you constant messages and pics when looking after DD.

as a mother herself I would have just thought she would want to message me

A mother who presumably did her parenting of small children before mobile phones were ubiquitous.

If she doesn't tell you about her day either that is more worrying! You'd expect a hand over at nursery!

No didn't eat much at lunch - had an hours nap - played in the sand -

I think you have bigger problems than you realize

@PetallyTyrants Part time isn't an option at my work at the moment. Yes I miss her a lot but need to work

@ExplodedCloud Oh come on! Mobile phones have been around for years and are well and truly part of most people's lives these days. Not having that as she has no problems using it when I'm with my daughter and she wants to check in on how she's doing.

@Astro55 Don't say that! I have enough to worry about ha

All those being supportive and understanding, thank you very much. It isn't the end of the world but is an added stress that I'd rather not have to worry about x

Not having that as she has no problems using it when I'm with my daughter

Then ignore those calls

I'd ignore her calls as well. See how she likes it!

I work in a library, and we regularly have grandparents bringing little ones in, the majority of them are always taking photos and I hear them saying 'let's send mummy and daddy a picture of you reading that lovely book' etc. Let's take that picture you've drawn home for mummy to put on the fridge etc.

So from what I've seen OP's MIL is not the norm.

At the end of the day she is looking after your daughter, you are her mum, if you've made a request - a text is far from unreasonable- she should try and do it!
Forgetting the odd day is different to NEVER managing it. Sounds like she is enjoying 'having one over on you' but then my view is perhaps tainted by my own MIL experience. I pulled the plug on MIL having our son once I realised she took no notice of anything I asked or said.

Maybe reduce her to looking after your DS for 1 day a week and see what happens? I would hate not to know what my child was doing!

Sorry DD!

@JustSpeakSense yes that's what I thought would happen, that I wouldn't even really need to ask and she would want to send me the odd pic. Maybe that isn't her and I am fine with that but I feel like she is refusing to do it because she knows I have asked.
Weirdly when I picked her up last night she was giving me the most detailed update ever, I have a feeling my husband may have had a word after I complained that day. Oh well I'll just have to suck it up for now I guess. But am going to stop asking or expecting them from now I think, it is driving me too mad!
@Boooooom no I don't think it's unreasonable to expect but some of the other responses on here did make me think otherwise!
@mytimewillcome will have to think about reducing to one day but I know they will take offence and my husband wont be happy. So much harder when it's not your own mum!

I don't think you're being U at all, Fevs - she sounds a little bit petty and spiteful. How hard is it to send one text in the course of the day - especially when she knows (has been told!) how much it means to you!

As you say, you text back and forth with your own Mum, so the comparison with your MIL is even more stark.

It seems very short-sighted to me - she's not exactly positioning herself as someone you would turn to / confide in / rely on, and if anything it makes your relationship with her more distant. Is that what she wants?