Does bullying tend to follow kids?

[OrangePeel]

I'm sick to death of my kids school, my 8 year old has been picked on since reception, it settles down for a while but always starts back up again, I've been into school a million times about it and nothing ever gets done and apart from all this he has no friends either which isn't great for his confidence.

Now my youngest son (6) is a little more out-going, quite often in trouble, can be a bit of a wnd up merchant where other kids and teachers are concerned but over the past month has been physically attacked 3 times, one time landing him in A&E.

I'm sick to death of it and am seriously considering changing schools.

Problem is there is a school on our doorstep but it is full of chavs, chav kids, chav parents...right in the middle of a bad council estate (the one we live on) and it doesnt have a great reputation. My dilema is...do I risk taking the kids out of their current school and putting him in this one which I have reservations about already? is the bullying likely to follow them? are some kids just destined to be bullied or is this likely to stop it?

Or should I try and get them into a good primary school which is quite a way from our house (we have no car) where expectations from both parents and teachers are a litle higher?

I would hate to move there schools only for the bullying problem to follow them...

Your poor DSs. What did the school say when you went to talk about it? Do they have an anti-bullying policy? They must have taken some action if you went in so many times. This other school, you say it doesn't have a good reputation. is that because of bullying or for academic reasons? If it's for bullying then obviously not a good choice.

FWIW I don't think that the victim is to blame and that there's something inherent that makes them more likely to be bullied. So changing schools may be a good idea and sooner rather than later before they lose confidence or start hating school. I waffled a lot, I don't know, it's a tough one.

Oh OrangePeel, I really feel for you. I only have one at school atm, who is 6 and in Y1, he has had similar periods of bullying then nothing then bullying again, but nothing which really seems to bother him much iykwim.

Have you tried going to your schools lea? The last incident we had resulted in dh getting in touch with our lea first to get advice then going to see the head and 'letting it slip' that we had spoken to the lea and touch wood nothing has happened since (this was probably around November last year).

As for changing schools, I don't know. I don't think that putting them in a school that you already have concerns about is such a good idea, if it were me the least little thing would probably have me worried sick.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who can offer you better advice and/or experience than me.

Ahh, beaten to it again

I type to s l o w !!!

Hate to contradict cristina but i think some people do 'attract' bullies - i was shy and had no self confidence as an adolescent and the bullies made a meal of me at school, it stopped when i made a supreme effort and forced myself into a group of girls i liked, to their credit they let me in to their clique. As you say your son has no friends perhaps he needs to cultivate some, maybe join some classes or hobby-based groups out of school to begin with? He could even end up meeting kids from his school and making friends with them in the easier out-of-context class or club. You could check out the other school, but it's hard to know if it would make a difference without 'trying' it. Difficult to do. My mum considered changing my school for years and in the end didnt. Good luck.

Malaleche - I don't have experience of bullying, you may be right. I think I meant to say that it's not the victim's fault. Being shy or lacking confidence isn't the worst character trait. Even if you had undesirable character traits, being a liar let's say, still not a reason to be bullied. Also, OrangePeel is saying her younger son who is more outgoing is also starting to experience problems, so not just the shier son.

I think it's a good idea to try and make a couple of friends, to give the confidence that he is liked and well thought of by his friends. Perhaps one of the scouts groups as being a smaller group the leaders might have bullying more under control. Still needs to be dealt with at school level long-term, though. Even if OP's sons get out of the bullying if the school doesn't do anything about it it will be someone else's child at some other point.

No, I didnt mean it was the victims fault either as such but do feel i had 'something inherent' in me that made me more likely to be bullied. I dont think there's anything wrong with being shy etc but in a crowd of kids the 'weakest' will always be picked on. I don't recall any liars getting picked on, they were more likely to be doing the picking. I know i'd be just as unable to help if one of my kids was bullied as my mum was. I should point out that i wasn't bullied to the point of physical violence, it was more pyschological... If anyone laid a hand on one of mine i'd......

I tend to agree about the "something inherent" to some children that makes bullying to follow. I guess the trick is to find what that "something" is and change it to make things better. Obviously, in an ideal world we would be changing the bullyies rather than the innocent victims, unfortunately it is up to us to find the way to avoid it.

I'm sure there should be plenty of books about this. Maybe someone will come around with some recommendations.

I'm afraid the bullying is quite likely to follow them if the children at their current school have friends at the new school. I am horrified that your son could end up in A&E and the school still take no action to sort out the problem, not to mention the longstanding issues with your other son. Personally I would be complaining to the board of governors and the LEA at this point.
TBH I don't think moving them to the nearer school is likely to help the situation much - when you say the other school is quite a way from your house - is it walkable? If so, maybe you should go and have a look around and get a feel for it and whether it would suit your sons.