So when should it stop being me just keeping my baby happy to making her fit into a 'routine'

[TrinityRhino]

Gecko(Erin) is 4 weeks today and I have sudden;y become terrified that I 'should' be doing something other than what I am doing. As it stand now, she hasn't had a bath, I have no idea when or how much she sleeps or eats.

She cries and I try to work out what she wants and she gets it. She has no bedtime or regular nap times. I'm going with the flow, demand breastfeeding and she sleeps when she falls asleep. She seems to have tmmy trouble in the vening and so there is lots of offering feeds and rocking cuddling generally soothing and she will usually settle for a 2 hour period of sleep sometime between 10pm and midnight.

My fear is that I will never be able to settle at a 'normal' time if I just continue to meet her needs as and when and basically let her lead me. I don't want to co-sleep with her when she is older. At the moment I am as it makes for much easier feeding and I think she needs to be near me at the mo.(she seems much more settled when she is near me)

So when do I try and persuade her to sleep at nightime or don't I ?? Or am I just forgetting and they do sort of do it themselves? Or am I getting ahead of myself and she is just still tiny. I feel in my heart that she is just tiny and needs to be near me at the mo but when should I stop thinking that or shouldn't ??
As you can tell I am a little worried and confused by this. If you have managed to read this essay then thankyou

clumpity frump

the title should say 'So when should it stop being me just keeping my baby happy and change to me making her fit into a 'routine'?'

hello again...you are doing fine...i think bub's just kinda settle into their own routine

that sounded crap...

thanks skirmish

it wasn't crap

...but maybe someone else could add there views

i tried and tried to get my ds into a routine...trying to get him to go 3hrs between feeds, sleep when i expected him to sleep, put him down by himself to gain independence...etc etc, and then i realised that it is easier to feed/cuddle/ rock when they are hungry/upset/sleepy etc than to let themselves get into a state. And, if it's any consolations, by about 6 weeks, my ds would go for 5hrs at night, and now at 16wks, sleeps from 7pm, til 7am with a dreamfeed at 11am...so there is hope

ok, well that sounds good, thankyou

I dont think my ds actually had a proper bedtime routine until he was 4 months, and even then it didnt really work but we just felt ready to start putting him down on his own.

I also remember writing down when he fed and for how long, but tbh it didnt really make much difference as growth spurts would happen or he would teeth so it was all very changeable.

It sounds like you are doing just fine at the moment. I just cannot see how you can persuade a baby to sleep or eat at a certain time, so in my opinion you just go with it until it happens naturally.

I also had some good advice from a MW friend of mine. She had a theory that babies worked in approx 2 weeks cycles, so you have about a 2 week period of one thing seeming the norm and then suddenly they would switch. Its not good when you think you have cracked certain aspects of parenting and suddenly it all goes out of the window, but it is good if you are having a hard time with them and you know it wont last forever.

I think that if you meet their needs (and at this age they have no wants that aren't also needs) then everybody is more relaxed and happy and graadually a routine of some sort emerges. If you're happy with the dreamy milky baybmoon stage then enjoy it while it lasts. The next stage will be on you before you know it!

your welcome...and, again, if it's any consolation, i only just started taking notes on daytime activity, i knew when he was fed, but wasn't sure about naps times...i generally leave him on his mat and he kips out in the end...i also don't want him in a strict routine (a la' swsnbn) as i always wonder wtf happens when you go out etc etc...can't stay home in front of mn everyday...or can you?!

I stressed about this with both of mine, I always felt that I SHOULD have a plan or something...!

And by no. 2 I forgot that they DO sort themselves out, it just takes a while. I kept mine downstairs in the evenings until about 6 months, just letting her fall asleep on me etc. We did the same bathtime and story routine that her big sister did (roughly, she wasn't too interested in the adventures of the Secret Seven when newborn) and then just brought her downstairs in her jammies. At around 6 months she became more predictable and started sleeping upstairs more and her bedtimes came down from about 10pm to about 8pm... then slowly a little earlier.

Thanks guys, very reassuring

Do what you think is best for you and your baby. You know her better than anyone.

If it helps, we put DS down in his basket in our room from 7pm, from about that age. He had been kipping in the basket downstairs, but we had decided that we wanted him to diffentiate between night-time sleeps and daytime ones. I don't know if developmentally this was the "right" time, but it also suited us, as it gave us a bit of "couple" time at the end of a day dedicated to looking after our newborn. It might sound ridiculous, but we did the bath, boob, bed routine every night from then on, and also always dressed DS in day clothes in the morning, and babygrows at night. Because he was a huge baby, he was in grobags too from week 2. All these cues, we believe, taught him to anticipate his bedtime, and he settles really easily now.

However, none of this might suit you. Or it might feel to early for you. If your baby has tummy probs in the evening (which is quite common, as is cluster feeding late afternoon/evening time), it might be easier to keep her closer to you. I wouldn't stress about establishing "good" or "bad" habits this early on. Go with what makes you and your DD happy for now, and you will develop your own bedtime cues and routines a little later.

There are loads of childcare experts who can suggest various ways of looking after your little one, but at the end of the day you need to be selective over whose advice you choose to follow, as "paper won't refuse ink".

In a few months time you will feel so much more confident in your abilities as a mother, and you will know your daughter's needs and desires so much more, and it will all feel a lot easier. In the meantime, try to relax and enjoy those lovely intimate moments of cuddling up to your baby.

lovely post smellen
and "paper wont refuse ink" is FAB

I don't think I got DS really into a routine until 4 monyhs - but in the end it was really just tweaking a routine that we had stumbled into together (I think I used Secrets of the Baby Whisperer as a guide).

For baby 2 I think he/she will have to be in a routine earlier to fit is with Ds but we will see.

I always said I wouldn't co-sleep - but I did when he was little (not always - often only from the early morning feed). I would fall asleep feeding - and everyone got more sleep that way. We had very little trouble moving him to his own bed when he was older.

No need to be worried. Just love her and look after her, and do what feels right

Okay I feel better now, I think I will just relax for now