He doesn't want another baby

[Clarabellstar]

Hi, I'm new here and hoping this is in the rite place.
My OH and I have been to hell and back over the last five years. Being honest he's put me threw hell. He was very immature and selfish I had very low self esteem so I absorbed everything. After spending half a year apart with no direct contact (my choice) I built myself up and decided I wouldn't take any more crap from him or anyone. He came back a changed man (not perfect- no one is), having realized his mistakes, he's tried really hard and seems dedicated but one thing I wanted to be sure on was what we both wanted from our future. Like most women, I always wanted the dream of being married and having a baby in happy times, with my first I had to go back to work when she was 4 weeks old as I was self employed, she had silent reflux which doctors refused to treat or diagnose until she was 9 weeks old so sleep was non existent and her dad financially and emotionally bled my dry so I chucked him out. When I met my current partner we both wanted kids but had numerous miscarriages and one where I very nearly died. My youngest is not 17 months old and I have adored being able to see the things I missed with my first but oh and I split up and he was a twat throughout pregnancy and after. All my memories are tinged with sadness and I just want some happy ones. I know I sound so selfish. I love my kids and they are miracles but I just want one baby that's born in the rite circumstances.. only oh has thrown at me that he doesn't and has booked to get the snip. After all we've been threw- I really think this is what will brake us 😢

You can't force someone to breed against their will.

It doesn't sound like a baby with your oh would be born into the right circumstances anyway. Selfishness and immaturity aren't the right qualities you need to be a good parent and you don't grow out of them in 6 months. Get rid of him, he sounds awful. Give yourself the chance to meet someone decent.

I know I can't force him and I think maybe I could get past his reasons if he hadn't been so flakey and unreliable in the past. We've fallen out hugely over it. It's not like I wanted a baby rite now.. I definitely wouldn't have wanted one until I felt the situation was ideal and I admit that may never happen with him but he has thrown this on me now- saying he doesn't want more and is having the snip so that's any hope of more with him completely gone. He says that aside, he's now giving me everything he should've always given and being this perfect family man (no one is perfect). But I see this latest thing as just another thing on the list of many obstacles he throws at me. I know I sound so horrible and selfish. I'm not meaning to

If you're unhappy with how he treats you and feel he's being selfish I'm not sure that you'd get to a point where you would want to have a baby with him. I would focus on the relationship for now and put the other on hold.

He is being very sensible, you want a baby for the wrong reasons.

A new baby won't be born into tha right circumstances as your relationship seems anything but ideal.

Instead of trying to recreate something focus on the existing children who will be picking up on the fact that you deem their lives so far as sadness.

It's unfair to assume I don't take pleasure in the children I have or that my children would be aware that the situations they were born I see as not ideal. Life is what you make it and I have made sure my children's lives are the best they can be. I've equally taken huge pleasure in their lives- they are my whole world. Wanting a baby is hardly ever a rational choice, it's nearly always a need because of hormones surely. I thought other mothers would be able to relate to that broody feeling, and the feeling that I almost need to have another baby. I'm sure you could counter all of my reasons with more sensible reasons not to. And I completely understand his reasons. I'm just finding it very hard to accept. We may never be in the ideal situation to have another but all I've been trying to say is how hurt I feel that he's thrown this on us now when we were only just getting on track. My children are my world, so the thought of never having another baby is hard. I'd read previous posts on here in similar situations and others had seemed to understand.