Disciplining right or too much?

[WS12]

I just wondered really if I am alone in feeling that I struggle with where to draw the line when disciplining my DS who is 4 years old. Like sometimes I get a red mist and feel really angry at his behaviour and not sure how to reign it in or if I even should - as in, whether I'm going too far or whether he is deserving of a good telling off ?

Today I took my DS and DD to two shops for a few things and I had a nigging feeling I shouldn't have - bad night's sleep, period just started, both kids tired. But I did it anyway. I had to say to my son not to touch the trolleys left in the car park as they might run away and hit a car, I told him twice and he evtnually stopped when I threatened to return his new toy. On the way back to the car he touched some more trolleys, this time resulting in two tipping off a curb and hitting a parked car 😱!!!

So I shouted at him for doing it, told him to get in the car etc etc and found myself shouting "you bloody naughty boy!" 😭 I know I shouldn't have said it but I was irate. By the time I had calmed down he was really upset and had a bump on his head where he had got into the car quickly, I hadn't realised this at the time. He was ok, but said it was an accident with the trolleys and mummy's shouldn't shout 😭.

At the time I was just thinking why won't you listen to me and OMG what if they come out and want to me pay for scratches?! (I didn't check for damage we got out the car park asap). I just some days find myself not knowing if how I'm disciplining him is right or not enough or too much?!

Gah 😩 Wish I was better at this parenting thing.

OP you put yourself and your son in a situation you felt you were neither going to cope with then punished him for it. Discipline is not the same as punishment - discipline is built on empathy and understanding on both sides and as the adult you need to avoid creating situations that you know he won't cope with.

It's not the mothers fault. It's the child's fault for not stopping doing what they've been asked to do.
THAT is what needs addressing as a core issue.
And I still have this with my 2, so I too recognise that I need to address this too. Suspect it is a recurring thing that needs regularly addressing.

Shouting isn't the best but we all loose it sometimes. I'm not proud of it but I do with my 2 year old sometimes. I know she's just exploring boundaries but some things need a fast penalty.

However he probably damaged someone's property and your reaction was to get put the car park as fast as possible? That's wrong.

In the ops defence some drivers can get nasty and charge through the arse out of spite I wouldn't want that confrontation infront of the child..

One really helpful tip is to NEVER label your child, but the behaviour. Kids at that age internalise and it would be terrible if he started to think of himself as a "bloody naughty boy". Even when shouting (which obviously is best avoided except in danger) it's easy to adjust "you are bloody naughty" to "that was bloody naughty"/ "that was naughty behaviour". Then the child learns that their behaviour was naughty, not their core being. I know it sounds schmaltzy but how children think of themselves has huge and lasting impact upon the people they become.

Oow, the goadies are about. OP, honestly, try not to beat yourself up, everyone and I mean everyone that looks after children for any amount of time has lost their temper, if they say otherwise they're a bloody liar.