How do you stop your boys fighting?

[utterlyconfused]

My ds's are 8.5 and almost 5. I also have dd in between. The boys fight unbearably, and each genuinely believes that the other is to blame. The typical pattern is that ds2 says or does something that simply "bugs" ds1, and ds1 flies off the handle and it becomes v physical. Ds2 is the rougher and the more malicious, as I think he is trying to prove that he is as big/strong/clever. Every time I hear those cries of "mummy, mummy!!!" I think, this is it, this time it will be pools of blood, or broken bones, or a punctured eyeball, or whatever. I have tried everything. I dread being alone with them, which is often as I have to family nearby and no neighbours, so basically all half-terms and holidays are hell. Anyone got any good advice?

i would adopt a zero tolerance approach. No matter how annoying someone is being, the first person to touch the other in a way calculated to cause pain or distress loses pocket money and that money goes to the other person.

At their age, keeping 20 pence peices in jars, then visibly putting the offenders money in the victims jar would be gall and wormwood.

personally I screech like a banshee at mine and send them to separate rooms

not that I'm recommending this, you understand

Yeah, it's the banshee method I tend to use...
I try to do zero tolerance, but it's always a bit cloudy as to who touched who first etc and then that's another whole episode. So often one starts it but it really wasn't enough to react to so the other is more to blame.
Does anyone have boys who don't fight, and what do you think the key is?

the key for me is regular exercise - take them out - playground, swimming, soft play, walks in the woods, trips to town.

if they are in the house for too long they go stir crazy

mine are 7 and 5 BTW

Zero tolerance of aggressive behaviour.
LOTS of long walks; playing outside when possible.
One to one time with each child - even if just 5 minutes every day.
Encourage different hobbies, so they can spend time at home but away from each other and occupied.
(And a few two-player PS2 games where they are both united against a common enemy work well!)