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Original poster

To point out the stats around sibling abuse in light of the near constant criticism of people who only have one child

31 replies

LlandudnoLlandudno · 27/03/2017 13:09

I couldn't care less how many children someone has and am constantly flummoxed by the way in which people think that it is their place to criticize people who have only children and as a parent of an only child it is really starting to rile me.

I absolutely understand that there are many benefits to siblings, I have three myself whom I adore. However it is often painted as only positive and that everyone owes it to their child to give them a sibling. I am just posting this link to try to show the other side, that siblings aren't always positive and perhaps people should rein in their opinions.

Psychology Today

OP posts:
whattheactualflump · 27/03/2017 13:19

First of all, whatever - if you have an only child and that is how you want it and you are happy then great, it obviously is totally up to you and whatever works for you or anyone in their parenting choices is fine as long as everyone is happy healthy and loved.

But seriously - you don't want to be judged for having one but you want to judge everyone else for having more? You say I couldn't care less how many children someone has then post a link to prove some nonsense about sibling abuse to prove how right you are to only have one!! Can you not see the irony in that Confused!?

Just to be crystal clear on what I said above you are 'riled' about being judged so posting a judgey post about being judged! I'll just give you a second there...

LivininaBox · 27/03/2017 13:23

Make sure you stay single because partners/husbands are the biggest abusers going by a long way.

Original poster
LlandudnoLlandudno · 27/03/2017 13:23

I'm not judging I'm pointing out some research. I genuinely couldn't care less but I do care that I am constantly criticised for my choice both online and IRL and rather than retreating and accepting my lecture am pointing out that having a sibling isn't always perfect. That is how a lot of people paint it and I'm just bringing in a bit of a reality check.

OP posts:
Original poster
LlandudnoLlandudno · 27/03/2017 13:25

I'm not suggesting anyone doesn't have more children because of this Livinina I'm just pointing out it's not always all joy and happiness to have siblings and perhaps people shouldn't lecture parents on it in the way they do.

OP posts:
GraceGrape · 27/03/2017 13:27

Good grief, since when has pushing or shoving your sibling been abuse? I expect that makes nearly all of us with siblings abusers. There was certainly some mutual pushing and shoving between my brother and I. What on earth has been said to you that makes you so defensive about having one child that you would use this as an argument in favour of only children? I'm quite sure 99.9% of people couldn't care less whether you have 0,1,2 or 6 kids.

I am no psychologist, and have neither the time nor inclination to research it, but I'm sure that there are some psychological studies to suggest that siblings fight and argue to prevent the likelihood of incest.

CycleHire · 27/03/2017 13:27

It does seem an odd way to go about it - I don't like it when people criticise my family (and I understand of course you don't like it) so I'm going to point out negatives about other people's families. Have you considered other people might not like that either?

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/03/2017 13:30

A reality check? A reality check would be to point out that siblings are not guaranteed to get on or be friends as adults, so having a second child shouldn't be considered solely for those kinds of reasons.

Referring to a decade old book about a US survey of 2000 families (was this a peer reviewed scientific study or just done for this book with no controls?) which counts pushing/shoving as sibling abuse is just ridiculous.

Original poster
LlandudnoLlandudno · 27/03/2017 13:31

I have cycle but the frequent threads criticising parents of only children don't seem to care how we feel so perhaps we shouldn't care. The point of this thread really is to highlight how upsetting and insulting it is and from the angry comments that seems to be working.

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 27/03/2017 13:32

I think it's ridiculous to criticise parents of only children, and I've got 3! None of anyone else's business how many children you have.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/03/2017 13:34

I see no angry comments here, just people disagreeing with you. Where are these frequent threads that criticise only children? I don't see those either, but maybe I've not looked hard enough.

GraceGrape · 27/03/2017 13:37

But I don't take it as a criticism that I had more than one child. I just think it's a very odd piece of research! I also have no issue about people having one child. I can think of many reasons why this would be a good idea, but the argument about sibling "abuse" is not one of them.

In reality, there are a tiny minority of siblings that are true abusers. A school friend of mine was sexually abused by an older brother. But to call 74% of siblings abusers for shoving each other a bit is barmy.

llhj · 27/03/2017 13:38

God there's some weird threads knocking about. This is right up there.

halcyondays · 27/03/2017 13:39

I'm just surprised it's only 74% that were pushed or shoved.

ElizabethG81 · 27/03/2017 13:40

I'm just surprised it's only 74% that were pushed or shoved.

This is what puzzled me too - where are the 26% of siblings who haven't pushed or shoved each other?

megletthesecond · 27/03/2017 13:43

The 40% that hit each other looks low too.

I suppose siblings with huge age gaps wouldn't fight I guess.

Billybonkers76 · 27/03/2017 13:45

I can't think of a day where one of my children hasn't pushed or shoved the other one. Abuse is stretching it a bit far! Maybe you could find a better piece of research to back up your post.

whattheactualflump · 27/03/2017 13:48

You have totally missed the point OP! No-one is making angry comments or judging you for having one child. They are pointing out that what you are saying in your OP is a bit silly, and wrong.

You say you don't care but your original very judgey and slightly ranty post and subsequent replies kind of implies that you do care. A lot. Maybe take off the tin foil hat and calm down and have a nice cup of tea, oh and look up the meaning of irony?

hazeyjane · 27/03/2017 13:51

I don't think anyone should criticise what size family people have, but I don't think I have seen 'near constant criticism if people who only have one child' on Mumsnet.

According to that article, my children are all suffering abuse at each others hands. Its all a bit broad!

BastardGoDarkly · 27/03/2017 13:55

Where are these ' frequent critical threads' ? Hmm

The only person that gave a crap when I only had the one, was my mil, and she doesn't count.

Have you really come across that many criticism's op?

woohooyeehoo · 27/03/2017 13:58

Have as many as you can afford - in finance and time. For me that would be one. For lots of people it's one but that doesn't stop them..

MewlingQuim · 27/03/2017 14:30

I was sexually and physically abused by my older brother, but I also have another brother with whom I have a normal sibling relationship. My experience with my elder brother was unusual, certainly not normal or even very common. I certainly have no intention of letting it affect my choices as an adult.

As it happens I only have one child. Not by choice, I would have loved to have more and I am a little sad DD will miss out on having a sibling despite my own experience, as the vast majority of sibling relationships seem far closer to what I have with my 'normal' brother.

People often ask when I am having another because they don't realize I can't. It is not a criticism of only having one, it is just chat. Sometimes it is upsetting but I try not to be sensitive about it.

If you are happy with your choice of having one then other people's opinions shouldn't matter. Peddling propaganda that siblings are more likely to be abusive than not to justify your decision is rather rude Hmm

anotherdayanothersquabble · 27/03/2017 14:51

Awful article. Poorly researched. No evidence. Loosely defined 'abuse'.

I am sorry those around you criticise your choice to have an only child but that is no reason to give air time to this article.

DixieNormas · 27/03/2017 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechange20050 · 27/03/2017 15:05

I think op is referring to a thread where someone is saying that one child is joyless. I read it earlier and thought Angry

Smitff · 27/03/2017 15:18

I think if you really were okay with having one child, you (1) wouldn't have started this thread (2) wouldn't start a thread as ridiculous as this. It's like pointing out to people who love living in London how much it rains, how expensive public transport is, how crowded the streets are, how expensive housing is etc etc. It's horses for courses. Everyone is right and nobody is wrong. You do your thing and let others do theirs. Try not to be so sensitive or worried about your choices.