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Original poster

advice needed pls, 5-1/2 yr old never out of nappies at night

31 replies

jema · 03/07/2004 15:51

happy, content, mischevous,very bright little dd2. have tried many times to get her out of nappies at night from age of 3, at whits end as going to stay with others soon, she's very embarrased she still wears them, (runs up stairs to make sure they're hidden if her friends are round to play), we've tried every thing over the years, bribery , rewards, all the HV recomendations, its gone on so long now,we dont make a great fuss about it or get crosss, just frustrated- i need some other views- our last endeavor on someones idea was something really important to her, tangiable, so that it was there all the timefor her to see , that she could only have when there were signs of improvement- a trampoline in the garden, after a couple of weeks you could see this was torturing her, she was bringing down "unused nappies" & saying that she'd been dry that night, the real one was hidden behind the radiator--help please, i dont want her to start hiding things or not talking openly to me- help please

OP posts:

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LHP · 03/07/2004 16:07

Poor DD, and poor you. No new advice i'm afraid, as my ds is 2 and still in nappies full time,just the usual- take her to Gp to check for uti etc. Have you asked Gp for an "enuresis alarm? Supposedly very effective in 5/6 yos. Basically, it fits under the top sheet and "shorts out" when she wets, setting off alarm. Parents are then mearnt to change pjs and sheets without comment. No-one knows why it works but apparently it does very quickly. "Toddler Taming" by Christopher Green has more details. He also (iirc) talks about a nasal spray, usful for holidays, sleepovers etc. Good Luck, and at least it's the right time of year to be drying bed sheets!

motherinferior · 03/07/2004 16:15

Oh, poor little thing. How horrid for all of you.

If she's going to stay with a friend...oh dear...trying to wonder if she can sneak a pullup into the bathroom with her to put it on, or something?

mummysurfer · 03/07/2004 16:21

me too. ds is 5 and his nappies are still wet each morning. my gp said to completely forget about it until he's 7. tbh he's not bothered. he can ride his bike without stabilisers but can't stay dry at night. his friend can't ride his bike but is dry at night. ds, luckily, accepts this as ...we're all different.
maybe it would help if you took the pressure off her for a while and drew her attention to all the other things that she is good at

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mummysurfer · 03/07/2004 16:23

is she going to stay with others on her own or will you be there too?

wordgirl · 03/07/2004 16:34

My ds1 was still in nappies every night at that age (and they were wet every morning). My HV suggested 'star charts'and such like but I soon realised that being dry at night was not something he had any control over and that it would therefore be a waste of time rewarding him for being dry (not that it ever happened!)
Anyway, eventually 'something just clicked' and he went from being wet every morning to being dry every morning.
I know it's easier said than done but if I were you I would just keep using the pull-ups and don't make a big thing of it.

Sparks · 03/07/2004 16:36

My dd is the same and we try not to make a big deal about it. I think it's just a developmental thing, she doesn't have the ability yet to stay dry at night. My father, FIL and brother were similar in their times - so I think it probably runs in the family.

She brings a pullup with her on sleepovers. I'm not sure about how she sneaks them on, but they always return home for me to throw out. LOL

homebird11 · 03/07/2004 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roisin · 03/07/2004 17:08

Just to echo all the messages here ... try not to stress about it. DS1 was still 'very wet' every night, then suddenly - literally overnight - was completely dry a couple of months off being 5. DS2 was 5 two months ago, and he is still showing no signs of 'drying up'. He'll get there when he's ready: We haven't stressed about it, and he really isn't that bothered. Occasionally he says he doesn't want to wear pull-ups anymore, but it hasn't turned into a battle ground.

Just a thought - your school nurse might be a good one to speak to on this subject if you want some more reassurance or advice.

karen99 · 03/07/2004 17:09

I too was going to suggest limiting drinks before bedtime (if she is getting enough in the day). Also, is it several wee's or do you think the 'trainer pants' here (hope the link works) would 'catch' it?

karen99 · 03/07/2004 17:10

Just found some more here

Original poster

jema · 03/07/2004 17:14

thank you everyone,
GP, health visitor stays they dont "bother" until they are 8, and cant give out alarms till then, we did try to find one to hire...no liuck, she's usually dry at the time I go to bed & carrying her to the toilet makes no difference, must be something that makes her open her bladder early am, no matter what quantity of liquid in there,
...its a family do & all children will sleep together on mattress in 1 room, she's esp worried as these are her cousins that she doesnt know as she was tiny when she met them last,
thx

OP posts:

berries · 04/07/2004 13:49

Try & get her some nice baggy pjs & show her how she can change into pullups at night (in the bathroom?) and in the morning without anyone noticing. Speaking as one who wasn't dry at night 'til I was 8, I don't think there is a lot you can do, just take the pressure off as much as possible. My dd went on an overnight trip with school this year (she's yr 2) and there were a few kids there who weren't dry at night yet - very discretely handled (I only know 'cause I know the mums, dd doesn't). BTW, you can tell her about me if you like, I told dds friends' mum to tell her I was the same & she did like to know that a lot of the 'adults' she saw used to have the same problem - & I don't now, honest.

notasbraveasberries · 04/07/2004 17:37

Please leave it be. She's only 5 and that's still too young for it not to be normal. Give it a couple more years and even then please don't let her see that it worries you. I wasn't dry until 12 and I'm sure I would have got there faster if so much fuss hadn't been made of it. I know my parents were trying to help but I wish they had behaved as if it didn't realy matter. Your dd will get there when her body is capable of doing it if she's upset it will just add another problem to get over so it will take longer. Berries' suggestion of baggy pjs and pullups is excelelnt. If your dd can't hold on all night then what she needs is something to help her self-respect not something to help her bladder. I'm still sad about it and I hope and pray that my baby doesn't go through the years of humiliation that I went through. NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!

bundle · 04/07/2004 17:45

apparently not drinking before bedtime is a no-no (not sure why, but read this in a number of places) and the susceptibility of individuals to bedwetting or being dry at night is genetic, so don't rush it.

alexsmum · 04/07/2004 18:17

Just logged on for first time in in ages and discovered this thread.We are trying to night train our 4 year old ds at the moment.We have bought some of those pampers bed mats and he has a normal waterfroof mattress protector then his sheet then one of these mats.We haven't had a dry night but he is getting better.We have realised he is only doing one wee in the night and he woke us up the other night while he was on the potty and he had only dribbled on the bed on the way out.We lavished the praise on him but last night it was soaking again!really reassured by this thread as I felt like every other child in the world is trained by now.
If this sleepover is a family do,I presume you will be there.Surely then you will be able to help her get ready for bed? Or maybe she could spend the evening with the other kids but sleep with you? 5 is young to have a sleepover I think so surely you could get away with this? Good luck anyway.

collision · 04/07/2004 18:29

I was reading the NCT book about this the other day as I was wonderin how to get ds out of nappies at night....he is 2 and 2 months.

It said that rather than lift them out of bed to do a wee whilst sleeping, it would be better to wake them up and let them see what they are doing so that they realise they are weeing and it is not a reflex action if you see what I mean!

Limit drinks to teatime and see what happens.

motherinferior · 04/07/2004 18:32

I'll admit it - I wet the bed occasionally till I was 12. No idea why.

And I don't anymore.

notasbraveasberries · 05/07/2004 00:54

thankyou mi.

Janh · 05/07/2004 01:23

me too!

And - utter humiliation - once (just the once) when I was 16, on a French exchange. Mortification or what?

clary · 05/07/2004 04:52

I know several 5yos who are still wet at night. Jema as others have said I would be inclined to leave it...poor her hiding the wet nappy, made me really sad, you don't want that from your lovely DD do you. Yes, stress the other clever things she can do, sure she wil just get it. DS1 was stil accident prone (1-2 a week) at 4.5yrs; DD was dry within weeks of stopping nappies in the day at 2.5. We're all different (and even now a wet bed is more likely from 5yo DS1 than 3yo DD).

ponygirl · 05/07/2004 13:40

Was talking to my HV yesterday about my dd and her daytime wetting (she's only 3.6) and, in passing, she told me about vasopressin (no, I'd never heard of it either). It's a chemical messenger sent by the brain to the kidneys instructing them to produce less urine in the night. It is impossible for a child to be dry at night until they start to produce vasopressin, which can be by 2 but is often not til 5, 6 or later. By dry, I think she meant mostly dry, not including occasional wetting. And, apparently, (artifical) vasopressin can be got from a GP for times when you really don't want your child to wet.

HTH - it's from my HV, but I hope it's reassuring.

Flip · 05/07/2004 13:42

I haven't read anyone elses but my ds1 who's five and half is also still in nappies at night with no sign of ever being dry. Some children just take longer.

tabitha · 06/07/2004 03:17

both my eldest dds and my ds were not reliably dry at night until they were about 6. Tried everything I could think of: star charts, lifting them and taking them to the loo when I went to bed, getting angry (and no I didn't rub their noses in it ) etc etc. Nothing made a difference. In the end they stayed dry when they were ready. End of story. It really isn't worth stressing about, either for you or your dd, certainly not at the age of only 5 1/2.
Funnily enough, ds only started being dry every night after we moved house and I'd been worried that the stress of it (he was very concerned about starting a new school, making new friends etc) would make him worse.

Ghosty · 06/07/2004 04:48

I recently posted about my friend's nearly 6 year old ... \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1800&threadid=26326&stamp=040529065159\here it is ...
The little girl in question has been totally dry for 3 weeks now after using this method ... after never ever having a dry night.
HTH ...

Ghosty · 06/07/2004 04:50

Bum! ... will try the link again ...
try this

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