Forgive me for the essay I'm about to write, I just need to offload!
I've been with my partner almost five years. He has Asperger's Syndrome. Although it has never been formally diagnosed, I've spent my whole adult life working with autistic adults and I'm in no doubt whatsoever that he has AS; he agrees, but doesn't feel the need to seek a professional diagnosis.
I realise that his AS causes him to think differently than I do. I understand that social niceties and small talk can be challenging, and that he can take things too literally. Sometimes I find it hard to remember that I have to be specific with him, that he won't pick up on hints, or react in the way I might expect.
Four years ago, he had to give up his salaried job due to a traumatic incident. I'd only been with him for a few months at the time. He decided to go self-employed, and I supported this decision. His line of work is very specific and we knew it may not work out as there might not be enough clients.
Unfortunately the demand for his services has been low. I spoke to him about taking a part-time job, which he did - he found a summer-only minimum wage job. I thought that would help, but it then emerged that he'd been accruing debt so everything he earned went towards paying this off (I have seen paperwork so know this to be true).
Four years later, and he is living in my house rent-free, still trying to be self-employed and still on an extremely low income. He pays no bills, I buy most of the food. If we go out (which I like to do sometimes), I always pay for the petrol, food, cinema... whatever we choose to do. I love him to bits, I'm attracted to him, I enjoy spending time with him and my daughter (from a previous marriage) thinks the world of him. However, resentment is starting to build up inside me.
He's applied for a handful of jobs with no success. AS difficulties with social interaction mean that even if he reaches the interview stage (as has happened a number of times), people often tend to take a dislike to him and that's as far as it gets.
What do I do? Do I continue to make allowances for his Asperger's, hoping that he'll be successful at an interview one day? What happens if he's not? The immense responsibility I feel of having to earn enough to support the three of us is starting to become wearing.
This afternoon I asked him to clear the bedroom floor. There was stuff of his everywhere and I wanted to vacuum. He told me it was done, but when I went upstairs he'd just piled it all on the bed in a huge mountain. Most people, surely would have realised that I meant to sort it out or put it away?
I felt like crying, and out of nowhere I found myself having a go at him about the job situation and the responsibility I feel. He went very quiet and left the room. He's been upstairs alone ever since, and I can hear that he's sorting out boxes, or something.
Now I don't know what to do! If he wasn't Aspergic, I'd go up and try to talk to him calmly about it, and apologise for yelling. But I know that if I do that, he won't respond or tell me what he thinks, so it'll all get swept under the carpet yet again. :(
I hope this all makes sense, sorry if it doesn't.