how to respond, MIL stress

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I have been married for 9.5 yrs and sadly do not get on with my MIL very well at all. She is so domineering and critical of me.

Without going into all the detail I would like advice on how to handle her comments such as
"you have missed a bit hoovering - under the sofa,
the shelves are dusty, the pushchair could do with a clean.

The boys look overdue a hair cut.

what a shame your meal hasn't turned out quite right.

There is something wrong with this coffee- oh I don't drink instant coffee" and hands it back to me.
Oh well done you have hoovered this time.

Honestly I am a working mum of two, my husband also helps with the running of the house but none of the critical remarks would never be directed to him.

Our house is not dirty and I would say was within the normal limits of a clean tidy house with two small children and toys etc. my children are clean and well cared for and have a lot of home cooking due to multiple food allergies. My inlaws are retired have a cleaner for the two of them and their house, to me, is no cleaner and infact much more cluttered than mine.

I am not perfect but I dread every visit and it ends up being a total cleaning stress mission ahead of their arrival to try and avoid feeling like a bad mum. I know she is just trying to be mean to me and wouldn't say these things in-front of my husband.

The sad thing is I just don't want to invite them over anymore.

They are coming over tomorrow night for dinner (why did i invite them????) as I feel so guilty we haven't seen them for ages - which for me has been bliss and significantly reduced my stress and improved things with hubby as we argue over it.

I am worried I may snap and loose it with her.

I keep thinking of things to say like - you are a guest not an inspector. OR I would enjoy your visits much more if I didn't feel we were under inspection. but then I feel like acknowledging her behavior gets to me would give her a sense of victory.

Any advice. other than keeping their visits to an absolute minimum.
She is a menace and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I needed to vent. thanks

Just thought of another reply you could have to hand if comments are made.

You could say "Ah yes Jane* but when I die the children aren't going to remember how much time I've spent cleaning and vacuuming the house, and doing chores, but they are going to remember how much time I've spent playing with them and being there for them so that is where my time goes."

(I wish there was a way to edit a post) I meant to include an explanation for the asterisk beside the name Jane - it was to say that you could use your MIL's name here.

You could say "Ah yes Jane but when I die the children aren't going to remember how much time I've spent cleaning and vacuuming the house, and doing chores, but they are going to remember how much time I've spent playing with them and being there for them so that is where my time goes."

THIS! Just this.
That'll shut her up

Thanks I'll point that out to DH as that's his job might want to brief him in advance so he helps when you tell him when he comes back in

Or perhaps we'll maybe you could send your cleaner over here