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Parenting

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Original poster

Ok - so what are the PRO's of having second child? Please!

35 replies

Holymoly321 · 06/03/2007 09:03

Am preg with No2 - DS will be 2and 3 months when it's born. Have read prev thread about going from 1-2 and it's scary stuff! Most of it is very negative (VERY HARD WORK etc). I'm at the stage where preg is very early so could do something about it if we decide against a second. I've got two brothers myself and have never got on with them, DH has a sister who is seven years younger and they are not close so it's hard for us to relate to how important and special life with siblings can be. We love DS and whilst part of me wants him tohave a brother or sister, the other part just wants to give him the best we can regarding attention, financial help, love etc. WHat are the benefits of having two over just the one?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Spidermama · 06/03/2007 09:05

They play together. You have more of a gang. It's beautiful to watch siblings forming relationships with each other. Someone once said to me, when I was debating whether or not to have number four, 'the most precious thing you can give your kids is siblings.' I was pg within weeks.

LilyLoo · 06/03/2007 09:08

My DS was just slightly older when i had DD. Yes it is hard work but i would definately reccomend it. They have a lovely bond and they just at the age where they play together (and fight). But they give each other something that we as parents never could. I honestly believe having your first DC is the hardest.

Tutter · 06/03/2007 09:10

would you really "decide to do somethign about it" based on what MNers say about the pros and cons of having a second? not trying to start a fight, just genuinely and slightly

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Bozza · 06/03/2007 09:14

They do play together and of course they fight and bicker but they support each other too. I have a 6yo DS and a 2 yo DD (just over 3 year between them) and the other day I was looking after my friend's two who are the same ages and sexes. Anyway DD's friend hit DS and DD went marching up to her "You not hit my DB" in her fiercest tones. It was very amusing and sweet. And when they are older if anything happens to you/DH they will have each other.

Marina · 06/03/2007 09:15

They do keep each other company. Mine wash each other's hair in the bath, do ridiculous dances together and look out for each other at school.
Of course they also disagree and occasionally have full on fights, but having dd has been good for ds in many ways that he cannot yet appreciate
My dh has never been close to his sister (they are friendly enough) and my dsis and I fought like ferrets in a sack in childhood but are very close now. So encourage your dh to not project his own experiences on to your family unit, and good luck. We are skinter, deafer and more exhausted than with one, but we have never, ever regretted it.

eidsvold · 06/03/2007 09:16

keep each other amused - love seeing the way they adore and idolise each other ( have 2 dds) and am due to have no3 in 2 weeks.

the split between two dds is 2 yr 4 months and dd2 and this one is the same - 2yrs 4 months!!

I think it is up to you as to the family you create rather than using your life experience as a guide iyswim. I had two older brothers and we get one but are not close in that we see each other all the time etc ( they do live a distance away)

I love watching the dds play and chatter amongst themselves. Our eldest also has sn so we had to take into account what the effect of time attention etc would be taken from the other children in caring for dd1 - none really at this stage.

Easy to teach sharing with and caring for others.

second tutter's comment and expressions.... did not really read that part of your message. sorry but already being pregnant - isn't it a little late to work out whether two is best or not. imho.

Going from 1 to 2 was no big jump for us.

Bozza · 06/03/2007 09:16

DD's birth and babyhood was much easier/less stressful than DS's although the pregnancy was harder with having a toddler to keep up with. DD was not a particularly easy baby but I was more relaxed about it.

pooka · 06/03/2007 09:17

Right - i have been on that thread, sayng that yes, it is really hard at first.

But - I am soooooo glad that I had ds. That dd has a brother. They make each other laugh so much. They are a gang. They copy each other (get a bit fed up when dd 3.5 copies ds 18 months, but it is quite funny). DD loves ds and ds seems to miss dd when she is at pre-school.

DD was 2y2m when ds was born and while it was tough until ds became more of a person - till he could sit up and interact more with his surroundings - having him has added a new dimension to dd's life. I hope that they will be close forever, and I am glad that they will have each other when ds and I are old and decrepit.

And while it was hard work going from 1 - 2, it can't have been that bad since I still think that I would like to go from 2-3 at some point.

I just think that it is realistic to accept that for the early months it will be a shock. But remember that in the same way as things fell into place when you had your first, it will also happen when you have your second.

My mother frequently reminded me that while yes it was difficult for dd at first to accept a loss of attention, that having a sibling can be an enriching experience for a child in many many ways. And I look at my mother caring for her elderly mother with the help of her brother, and compare that to my step-mother who cares for her own elderly mother with no help at all and I can't help but be glad that (hopefully) my children will not be alone in that situation.

sunnywong · 06/03/2007 09:18

the gap between mine is 2.4 yrs and it's a great gap
you will never regret it

go for it

pooka · 06/03/2007 09:19

Should add that I have 2 older brothers. They are 18months apart, then there was a 4.5 year gap before I was born.

We weren't very close as children because I was that much younger, but we are close now and have the lovely shared memories and interconnectedness (made up word) that is very important to me.

GooseyLoosey · 06/03/2007 09:21

Have 2 with 15 mnths between them. It is hard work and they bicker a lot, but it is definately worth it. There are times when they roll around the floor laughing at each other's daft antics (they are now 2 and 3) or sit at the table pulling silly faces at each other. I can make my children laugh but not in the same way that they make each other laugh and that alone makes it all worth while.

piglit · 06/03/2007 09:21

"I'm at the stage where preg is very early so could do something about it if we decide against a second."

What a clinical way to look at it. Perhaps you would have been better off thinking the pros and cons through before getting pg.

I have 2 dses only a year apart and they are an absolute joy (and very very hard work). They adore each other and watching them grow together is the most amazing thing. I wouldn't have it any other way.

franke · 06/03/2007 09:22

I posted on the other thread about how hard it is. But the rewards far outweigh this ultimately. DD thought we brought ds into the home especially for her (I suppose we did in a way) and she adored him from the word go. They have a real bond, play funny games together, have funny little rituals that they play out all the time and look out for each other. Of course they have their moments but on the whole they have great fun together. Also your age gap is small enough that you will be able to do things as a family where both kids will be entertained. Good luck.

Original poster

Holymoly321 · 06/03/2007 09:30

This is very interesting - it's niceto hear some positive things. I would never base my judgement on what someone else has to say but I think it is very important to hear about others experiences. I think about things like Christmas and holidays etc and love the idea of having more than one child around - they get to play together and share memories etc. I guess I'm just scared because both DH and I don't have that strong loving connection with our siblings and so it's hard to see what the benefits would be (my mum was also single parent so we didn't have much in material terms and I really don't want that for DS). I look at DS now and wonder how I could ever love anyone as much as him and how 'unfair' it would be to have to share my attention with another child. I know the hormones raging around my body aren't helping but I feel so confused! (But I did feel confused when I was preg with DS too!)

OP posts:

LilyLoo · 06/03/2007 09:36

It will help your DS gain valuable life skills knowing that he has to consider other peoples feelings. My Ds is so much more thoughtful ( most of the time) when i spending time with my DD. They like that sense of looking out for their siblings he always says to get his sister out of the bath and dry her first before him so she doesn't get cold.

frazzledazzle · 06/03/2007 09:46

There's 24 months between my sons.They are 16months and 3.4.
It was hard at first until I found a good routine and obviously there are still bad days but the good outweigh the bad.
They love playing together and ds1 adores his brother.
I haven't been able to spend quite as much time with ds2 as I did with ds1 when he was a baby but as a result ds2 plays lovely on his own and is really chilled.

Enid · 06/03/2007 09:48

the benefits of having two are that you have two children

DetentionGrrrl · 06/03/2007 09:49

speaking as one of 4 kids...

playmates
someone to walk to and from school with
solidarity against your parents!
christmas was noisy, messy and great
learning to share / settle differences
i love my brothers intensely

nearlythree · 06/03/2007 09:53

I'm an only child and have three children. I often see myself in the only children who play with my dds - I found it very hard to consider anyone else's pov as a child and so didn't have many friends. My dds have to consider each other and baby ds, know they have to do what someone else wants to fora while, learn to negotiate. You can do this with an only child but it takes a lot of effort to arrange playdates etc and I know only one only child who doesn't have problems when they come to play.

And there is nothing lovelier than seeing dd2 run up to dd1 after school to give her a big hug, or the two of them fussing over ds.

nearlythree · 06/03/2007 09:56

When you have another baby you just get more love to go around. I love having three and wouldn't want it any other way.

Put it this way: what happens if you don't keep this baby and one day ds tells you how much he would have loved a sibling? My dd1 was 2 and 1 mo when dd2 was born and can't remember what it was like to be the only one.

nailpolish · 06/03/2007 09:58

they can play with each other

simple

Enid · 06/03/2007 10:08

Have three

then if one dies the other two wont be alone

(before anyone thinks I am being facetious that genuinely warmed me when I was pg with dd3)

Pitchounette · 06/03/2007 10:19

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 06/03/2007 10:20

aww endi that is rather sweet

serenity · 06/03/2007 10:28

I haven't read the other thread, but I have to say that I found it harder going from 0 to 1 than it was going from 1 to 2. Maybe I worried about it too much whilst I was pg, but it was far easier than I expected. You've already changed your life to accomodate baby 1, so baby 2 tends to fit right in. I understand about the guilt part, I felt awful about 'saddling' DS1 with an unasked for sibling, especially near the end of the pg as DS2 was OP, my back was buggered and I couldn't pick DS1 up, but once I'd actually had DS2 I realised that that was rubbish. I'd hate to think of any of my DCs without each other, they've gained far more than they've lost imo.

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