Failing miserably 😢

[UnmumsyMum2017]

I joined today because after googling 'I'm not a good mum' & realising sadly my thoughts are not entirely my own, that there are a lot of mothers that parenthood doesn't come naturally to, I am either being brave or very stupid posting this in the hope of some much needed support .
I feel like the worst mum in the world. I have a 2 year old son & 11th old daughter. My son was a beautiful easy baby. But omg he's turned into the most defiant, testing, difficult toddler. I know it's called terrible 2's for a reason but he makes me cry & feel like I've failed so terribly as a mother. He goes to preschool 3 mornings a week for 3hrs which he loves, but the preschool admit he can be very over zealous & boisterous. I've been assured he's not the 'worst' child they've had but he needs his energy chanelling in the right way. Having said all this, he is remarkably clever. He counts perfectly 1-10, understands some of his alphabet, says a lot of words for a 2yr old. Things aren't helped much either that he seems to get ill all the bloody time. Every few wks he's either picked up a sick bug or got a cold. I have spoken to my HV & doctor of my concerns but they feel it's just a phase that some toddlers pick up more illness than others whilst their immune system is developing. But every few wks since he was born? Seriously?! It's exhausting, emotionally draining, hard work, worrying. It never ends. He had a horrendous sick bug last Oct just before we due to go on our 1st family holiday. Then he was ill just before Xmas, then again in February. He now has a bad cold 😣 I even put him on a daily probiotic now in the hope it helps because I'm at a loss as to what the hell I've done so wrong? I don't smoke. I was very healthy whilst pregnant. We gave him all the best food when he started solids but now he refuses point blank to eat any veg. He likes a few different fruits but I also supplement his diet with a vitamin daily to boost his intake. When he's not being ill, he's a very exhausting child. I must tell him at least 10x a day to be gentle with his baby sister, when he pushes her or throws toys at her. He loves her & likes her company but he's such a brute. My litte girl is a real joy & it breaks my heart that I feel so unattached to my son so often because of the way he is, being so demanding. The sad truth is, I get very little enjoyment out of being his mum 😢 It sounds awful I know but how can such a content baby turn into such a nightmare? I am beyond understanding of his behaviour, & had enough of the constant demand's placed upon me as a mother. This is reality! I'm no Mary Poppins. I feel like I wasn't cutout for this. My husband is incredibly supportive & a very hands on dad. He knows our son can be very hard work but he says he'll constantly change & calm down soon enough, & it doesn't seem to worry him that our son gets ill so much either. He says itll strengthen his immune system. Our daughter seems more hardy to all these bugs. I just don't get it, any if it. I'm already on antidepressants but when it's a daily struggle & I find I only like being his mum 2 days out of 7, I get even more depressed because I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do. I hope this is just a stage we have to persevere. It's testing me of everything I am & our marriage. I often crave the life I had before motherhood because this is the hardest challenge daily & I'm totally done in 😢

It's exhaustion. Your husband is right, it will change. Your son won't be like this at 16!

My son was sick non stop, constantly constantly sick on antibiotics until he was about 3, then it totally stopped, he is 9 now and really healthy!

Its exhaustion. Just take one day at a time, there will be good bits and bad bits in every day.

P.s. Your daughter will get like this too! (My friend told me, she has boy/girl twins) she says it's not 'terrible twos, it's terrible one two threes' )

Just a quick post you say you sound to me like an amazing mum and both your DC are very lucky to have you. Can you think when your DS is less stressful, like if you take him out to the park or beach or long walk or soft play so he can let off steam? Then just try and do those things as much as possible! And if it gets really tough he could watch TV or educational stuff on you tube for a bit while you get a break. And know it's just a phase. Just chant to yourself 'this will pass' when he's being particularly tough. I expect when he grows out of the toddler stage he'll be a wonderfully entertaining and spirited little boy. As he's so clever perhaps he just needs lots of stimulation which is tiring for you I imagine.

Thankyou so so much for that. I often feel like I could run away but I know deep down I love my son & just gave to do what I can as his mum. Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when everytime things start to seem like they're getting better, he suddenly gets ill again or is a nightmare of a child to raise. I'm not god at dealing with little sleep either & I went to bed at bloody 7pm last night as I was so shattered in the hope of a good rest but I had to go my son 3x in the night as he was unsettled with his cold virus then my daughter who's usually amazing with her sleep had us up 4:30, so gave her a bottle 5am but she wouldn't go back to sleep. Me & hubby had a huge row cause I'm so angry & knackered. He's one of life's positive people & has the tolerance of a saint. I should never have been a mum as I feel so miserable

Big hug.
It sounds difficult, and having two children so close together can't have helped.

Reality is that having children can be hard and, often, not particularly enjoyable. Some children are also high energy and are quite challenging.
Sadly, dealing with children is not an innate skill, but the good news are that we can learn and develop strategies.
Have you read any books about dealing with toddlers? Or have you asked the pre-school staff for pointers? Keep in mind that their strategies may not be the best for use at home by you.

Particularly in a setting where your eldest is competing for your attention with his little sister, you may need to give him special attention before he acts out. Or not give him negative attention, but positive.

As an example, very often when my ds was tired and cranky or misbehaving, just grabbing a book and sitting together to read it, worked wonders.

This sounds Exactly like my DS.... It's exhausting isn't it? I've totally considered anti-Ds - my sister confided in me yesterday that she went on a 6 month course when her youngest DS was this age, but actually only took them for 4 months as by then both he and she were out the other end of Where'd really phase it was.... Is it something you could consider??

Can i also ask, did you get your boys vaccinations on schedule?? Might sound a funny question but I've had to postpone mines 12month ones 3 bloody times as he's been ill every time... Have since booked for tomorrow again and sure enough he's got a bit of a fever and crackling chest... Doesn't stop him trying to beat the crap out of his sister tho!

Sending strengthening hugs.... And !

*whatever phase, that should've said!

Also to add, the crap sleep totally doesn't help - don't know about you but on the (V.v. Occasional) night I've had a good stretch i almost feel a different person... Surely your OH should be helping with night waking?