We were doing so well...and now I don't know what to do!

[musica]

Oh I feel so disillusioned with the whole thing. Ds has been doing brilliantly - still haven't cracked the asking for the toilet, but he's really good at weeing in the potty. Then today - we have had 2 poos in his pants, and 2 massive wees in his pants. He also seems really negative about it all. I've tried being positive but he just doesn't listen. He's 3, and definitely ready - he will wee on demand in the potty. I just don't know where to go from here - we've done sticker charts, chocolate etc. I feel like we're making no progress at all - we've been doing this for about 4 or 5 weeks now at least. Any suggestions at all would be gratefully received! I'm at my wits end! I'm just grateful that it's near enough to bedtime to put a pull-up on him. I just can't face any more accidents.

He seems to have most problems coming to terms with the poo - he really is quite good about weeing in the potty. But when he needs a poo, he goes off somewhere quiet and just does it in his pants, and then comes to tell me. And I don't know how to break this cycle! I really do feel in despair!

musica,

I wish I had an easy answer. dd has been "training" since end of April. We have a few good days and then relapse. She does n't like the accidents but treats them fairly of matter of factly after the intial upset, so there is little lasting effect. Hopefully you can take some comfort from the fact that they don't all just "get it" within a week. I know the "no going back" feeling though and it is hard to know what to do for the best. For dd a few days using pull ups when we were at Disney Paris (I couldn't face the risk of rushing for toilets and mishaps)proved a turning point, against all expectations.

Is there any particular trigger for the accidents ? Is he tired today or more distracted for example. dd seems to have most accidents when she is tired (ie after teatime) or if she is building up to needing a poo, as if she seems to get the messages mixed up. Interestingly she rarely has accidents out, asking for the toilet, unless she falls asleep without having been recently.

When you say he will wee on demand (which dd will not do), are you leaving it to him when to go at all, so that he learns to read the signals. On the positive side at least he tells you when he has an accident, ds would often deny it or not notice! Someone elsewhere on a mn potty training thread has suggested lining a potty with a nappy for the comfort factor. Or perhaps the time has come to just hand over responsibility to be clean and dry to him. Set him clear instructions and use a sticker chart for each am/pm he is clean and dry ?

Sorry this is a bit long. Good luck

musica, not much time now expect to say that this happened with my dd, she had several relapses but then it just clicked with her. I too was st the end of my tether as all the other kids I knew seemed to get it so quickly whilst dd was weeing on people's floors . It did take her about 2 months in the end, I know exactly how you feel about it being a relief when it's bedtime.

So, sympathy from me, replapses are crap!

Musica, this could have been a post from me a month ago. I was at my wits end with ds, who had first shown very enthusiastic signs of being ready last September. We had him dry (enough) after setbacks in January but the pooing went on until about a month ago. Like you we tried everything. He understood exactly what he should do, he understood the starcharts/rewards etc, he just chose not to participate! In fact he used to go off and hide to poo, then come and tell me with a big grin on his face. I honestly think it was a power struggle with him, he is wilful, and this was obviously something he had control over us with, and try as you may it's not easy to hide how stressed it makes you...

In the end (oh bad bad bad parents) we went for denial of treats rather than rewards. No fuss, no punishment, but no, those ice lollies are for big boys who haven't pooed in their pants today, Buzz Lightyear toys are for big boys etc. We mad a big effort not to make any fuss and also made a big fuss of any of his friends who did it right - in the end in fact the first voluntary poo on a toilet was at a friend's house. I think he just decided it wasn't worth it, and he's very pleased with being a big boy. As I say, he's very wilful and maybe this was his way of doing it on his own terms.

Not sure how I'm ever going to get him out of nappies at night though...