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Original poster

Did you ever feel sad after having your last DC??

21 replies

Mumneedstea · 15/03/2017 17:01

Hi all,

I am wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me. DS1 is 4.5 years old and DS2 is almost 3 months old. Sometimes when I look at DS2, I am overcome by a sudden sadness when I think I will never have another DC this small ... it started when he was about 3 weeks old - I held him in my arms and thought that this the last time I will ever hold a 3 week old baby :( And I still have this feeling.. not everyday, but once in a while.

Did anyone else feel like this? I don't have PND as I am generally happy and have loads of support. I guess with DS1 I never felt this way because I always knew I wanted a 2nd DC. But now I know I won't be having anymore and I sometimes get sad thinking how quickly they are growing up! I know once they are grown they will be independent and I will have my life back and I won't be spending my nights with a baby attached to my boobs :) But why can't they stay tiny for a little while longer!!??

Sorry if I have rambled on and TIA!

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Itsjustaphase84 · 15/03/2017 17:04

Sorry I don't have any advice but I feel this will be me when I have another. Interested in what others have to say but I reckon you're not alone in feeling this way xx

Soubriquet · 15/03/2017 17:06

Yes me

My baby making days are officially over as dh has even had the snip

Makes it even harder because I know there is no chance

jimijack · 15/03/2017 17:06

Every day I get an awful tug in my tummy that I will never ever have another baby.

For me it is an entrenched and long term constant feeling as it took us 3 years to get ds 1 and a further 10 years to get little ds2.
So pretty much, I have felt a longing for a child for about 17 years.

Now at 47, after multiple miscarriages, it just will never happen, but I feel I would have loved 3 or 4 children.

Yes, it fills me with such sadness, but the joy of my two overtakes.

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originalusernamefail · 15/03/2017 17:07

Probably more wistful than sad. How I know I probably don't want DC3 is that all my aaww feelings are about a baby rather than a child, and they don't stay babies long!

ruthsmumkath · 15/03/2017 17:15

No - I think I had one too many

minipie · 15/03/2017 17:16

I never felt sad when DD2 was a tiny baby because I detest the tiny baby stage and couldn't wait for it to pass forever.

I am a bit sad now she's just turned two and I'll never have another 1-2 year old ... that bit is lovely.

However overall I have enjoyed my DC more the older they've got so there isn't too much sadness, I'm mostly very glad they are growing up.

alltouchedout · 15/03/2017 17:16

Yes, lots. I am clear a 4th dc is not an option. That does not stop me wishing it was an option or feeling a sadness that I will never be pregnant again, give birth again, breastfeed a tiny baby again. But I am at peace with it also, because I have a lot of "oh god I'd love another baby" moments, but no "oh god I'd love another child"!

Heatherbell1978 · 15/03/2017 17:18

I have a 3 week old and 2.5 year old and no, I don't feel this way. I'm loving the cuddles and days spent with my new DD (which feels much easier than with DS) but I know that 2 kids are enough for us and I really didn't enjoy the pregnancy this time around - I'm just so happy to have my body back and can't imagine wanting to be pregnant again.

Original poster

Mumneedstea · 15/03/2017 17:18

Thanks for your replies :)

jimijack - yes the joy of my two does overtake all sadness :)

original I know what you mean.. All my aww feelings are also for the baby stages. However, somewhere in my heart, I always wanted 3 and even though I know it's an option, DH really doesn't want another one :( that could also be why I am so wistful!

OP posts:

MollyHuaCha · 15/03/2017 17:24

Slightly sad, but if I'd have wanted another, DH wd have happily agreed! But I knew deep down that we had had enough to enjoy...

Rollonbedtime7pm · 15/03/2017 17:29

I have 3 and the youngest is 10 months - I am usually pretty pleased as we get through each stage!

This is what reassures me that I have completed the family and won't be having any more babies!

Iseespring · 15/03/2017 17:30

Yes, me, right now, DS2 only 2 weeks old and I know we will never experience this again.

senua · 15/03/2017 17:33

I understand, but was also the 'more wistful than sad' camp. Look on the bright side: with modern contraceptives we can control our fertility, we decide that it is the last one.
We know it is the last one so we are forewarned and can make the most of it. You wouldn't have had this 'problem' pre contraceptives.

Owllady · 15/03/2017 17:38

Yes
I've ad loads of gynae issues and have recently had an endometrial ablation and I feel a bit gutted I won't ever have any more children but I couldn't see dh agreeing to another anyway and I'm getting too old (39) or the kids are (18, 16 & 10!)

OhDearToby · 15/03/2017 17:38

I'm pregnant with number 3, haven't decided on whether they'll be a fourth and I'm already bloody feeling feeling sad that it might be my last baby.

I think I might just be one of those people who always want more.

Owllady · 15/03/2017 17:40

Yes, you are right senua. I'd have been constantly in the red tent :o

AmoIsNoLongerEmo · 15/03/2017 17:47

My DD is about to be 4 and my DS is 2.5 and I had a tubal ligation done when he was born. I cried yesterday when my DH was giving my boy a haircut. He's my baby and he'll always be my baby. I do not want, nor could I handle another baby, but I still get sad at times when I think about not having another baby baby ever again.

OMGBecky · 15/03/2017 18:01

I wanted a third and DH didn't. I definitely felt very sad as my youngest (now 5) seemed to grow so fast and there would be moments where I'd be doing something with her and would will myself to remember everything about it...how her little body felt in my arms, how she smelled, her little hand in mine. Just knowing the baby years chapter of my life were over made me feel sad. The sadness is fading now though, and I'm enjoying getting to do fun stuff with the kids that we probably wouldn't be able to do with another baby in tow, and enjoying more alone time with my DH. So you're not alone, but it gets better!

Inthehighcastle · 16/03/2017 19:06

I feel like this most days. I can't really decide if we'll go for number 3 but I feel so so sad packing away DDs clothes each time she outgrows them. She's 6 months now and it feels like I gave birth to her last month! On the one hand I am looking forward to doing stuff you can't do really with a baby like disneyland for my oldest who is 3 but on the other hand I feel so so sad that I will never hold a newborn baby that's mine ever again. I simultaneously want them to not grow up and cherish them forever this small and want them to grow up so I can see their personalities develop and for them to grow up and play together. I don't even think I'm making any sense but I know exactly how you feel

Original poster

Mumneedstea · 17/03/2017 17:38

there would be moments where I'd be doing something with her and would will myself to remember everything about it

OMG I am constantly doing this.

As some of you have said, I'm more wistful than sad. I do want my DCs to grow up, but not quickly :)

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chloechloe · 17/03/2017 19:30

I feel this way too. DD1 is nearly 2 and DD2 is 3mo and I feel sad that there may not be any more. I would love to be pregnant and give birth again and I love watching them learn and their personalities develop. There are so many tines where I watch them and want to burn the memory into my brain. Maybe I'll convince DH to have another! Or at least convince him to leave things to chance - both were IVF babies so maybe we could see if a miracle third baby comes naturally!

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