Would you have said/done anything?

[PanicPants]

In town today, waiting to be served in a clothes shop. When a mother and her (about) 2 year old joined the queue behind me. The 2 year old was in a buggy but not strapped in.

The child then started to fuss and try to get out of the buggy when it tipped backwards. The mother shouted at the child (Called her a fu*ing bi*h) and really manhandled her back up and into the pushchair. This happened a couple of times and the mother's language and behaviour got worse. A man (who I assume was the father) came and tried to get the child to sit in the pushchair as well, he wasn't too bad at first, but then did quite rough with her as well.

In the end, the mother threw her clothes down, saying 'She's effing put me off buying anything at all now' And went and waited outside the shop for her other half.

Everyone in the shop seemed shocked (lots of glances at each other etc) and I really wanted to say something, or intervene. But I didn't.

Should I have? WOuld you have? Dp said if I had I probably would have got a slap, and wouldn't have changed anything for the little girl.

I think we would all like to say that we would but most of us wouldn't. I think people like that would think nothing of turning around and hitting you. I feel so sorry for the little one though. Poor thing.

I would not have said anything, you do not know what had gone on to get her to that point.

poor girl.

Your DP propably has a point, shocking how people treat their children

yes but sherlock i still wouldn't have sworn like that at anyone , let alone a toddler

She was probably feeling judged and lets be honest you were all judiging her as I would have been. I always try and repeat the mantra, walk a mile in my shoes, before I judge. It doesn't always work but sometimes it does.

I just know that I have never talked to, or physically manhandled my toddler like that at all. No matter how much he may wind me up (and he has his moments).

Just felt so sad for the little girl, but yes, in some circumstances you do need to remember you don't know whats gone on before.

But surely there are limits?

you have point

I got really cross with my ds the other day at a supermarket as he kept grabbing stuff that I'd told him not too, I was stressed out, felt like shit and did not want to be there. I ended up raising my voice a bit and told him quite firmly, stop that NOW. I could feel the woman behind me bristling and I have to say that if she had said anything to me or even looked as if she would, not only would I have not taken kindly to it, I would have given it back. As distressing as that was for you all to see, and I know I have seen that type of thing before, you can't presume to know the situation and physically judge by saying anything to them. You also don't know how they would have reacted. What would you have done had they left you with the child and gone off to have a day to themselves, seeing as how you could do better? That's how my mum took a comment years back and she did just that except she didn't leave the store. You do have to be very careful with this kind of thing.

Not that I think that its an acceptable way to treat any child btw

I have 'manhandled' my dd 2.5 before now in asimilar situation. I may not have used that language but I have been absolutely furious with her. That may well have been the last straw that broke the camels back. The swearing and being rough is not good - I'm not saying it is. But I wouldn't have intervened, nor would I think she was worlds worst mother because of that one isolated incident.

If someone had confronted me about my tugging of dd into her pushchair, I wouldn't hit them Paula, I'd no doubt burst into tears!

I think I would?ve said something. Not sure what but would have tried not to be too combative. But if I saw some teenagers or grown ups bullying someone like that I'd probably say something too. Hopefully, if a 'fight' kicked off, others would feel emboldened to help me; people are usually waiting for someone else to give a cue.

I'm all for this walk a mile in my shoes mlarky, but there are limits.

Someone who calls their small child a fu*cking bitch gets judged in my book - and harshly!

I think the saying ?The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.? springs to mind here.

I'm not sure what I would have done tbh, but I suspect nothing would have made much difference to the child, however saying something may well have made me feel like everyone was not ignoring the child's plight.

Well, I'm glad I didn't say anything, but it's still on my mind.

Why said that Soapy?

what a horrible thing to witness panicpants. i remeber seeing similar and only after the shock think of what i could/should have tried,
the only thing i can think of would have been to say to the mother something like 'i can keep an eye on her while you get to the till' and then sing to the daughter/play peekaboo, or show her your necklace/ring to distract or calm her down.
i feel the only way forward in these kind of situations is to try, very very gently, to be the change you want to see in the world

I mean who, soz

The woman the OP was talking about.

but what would saying something actually achieve other than to make you feel that you hadn't ignored it? Would it make a difference to that mother? highly unlikely.

Let's face it, anyone who calls her child a ficng bitch probably does so on a more than occasional basis, and the kind of person who uses that sort of language towards their child in a public place isn't generally the kind of person who will feel bad about it if confronted by a well-meaning passer by. In fact she would probably have extended the sentiment and called you a fing interfeering bitch.

No man, I meant this - ?The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.?

PMSL

I must admit to thinking 'hmmm has she read the OP post'

Quote is Edmund Burke (1729-1797)