What advise would you give your children as they grow up?

[loveithateitmum]

I know this is very general but since having my 2 children I can't help but wish my parents had given me more advice about life and enjoying your freedom before having children.

I am happy with the age I was when I had them (28 & 31) and the age gap (27 months) but I wish I hadn't been so worried about everything before I had them i.e staying in jobs I hated, obsessing over boyfriends, when my (now) husband would give me a key to his flat/ask me to move in/propose etc.

I desperately want my children to chill more and worry less (although not to the point that they think mum & dad will continually bail them out!) and enjoy life. I know you can't put an old head on young shoulders but this is something I think about a lot. Does anyone else feel the same?

you can't put an old head on young shoulders

This was going to be my response. You turned out ok, they will too. They'll find their way the hard and rocky way round and never admit your advice was spot on!

That's the thing. I know they won't want mum constantly giving them advice and will probably ignore it anyway!

The problem is that any big life advice like that is likely to stem out of the person you are and the insecurities you have and so to be irrelevant or even counter-productive to the person they are.

I might be tempted to tell my dc not to fuss too much about studying the right things and having the right cultural interests, but to relax a bit and make friends.

But seeing that my current teenager prides himself on not having read a book since the Oxford Reading Trees and is out at parties every week-end, this is not exactly the advice he needs: he needs to be told something that is specific to his personality and situation (= to think about his CV). Relaxing is something he has been doing naturally since he was a baby.

The only advice that will do for anyone is the totally generic stuff, like be a decent person. And that, I think, you teach mainly by example.

Also, some very specific stuff about wearing condoms and using a registered taxi company and recognising the signs of alcohol poisoning in your mates.

My mother's advice, I now realise, was very much tailored to the socially shy person she was and was about avoiding situation she really would not have been able to handle. The problem was, I was only a little shy and with adequate encouragement could have been taught to handle those situations- which would have been much better for my career. She thought I was her. I wasn't.

You will learn, in time, that parents are human. They do their best to be perfect in an imperfect world and are judged for their failings by their offspring for the rest of their lives.
This is your future too.....