Medical degree as a teen mum??

[eyesclosedtight]

So I am 18 and mother to 2 year old DS. I have just applied for a medicine degree as this has been my goal for my whole life but now I'm worried! DP has joined the army but I have applied for a university up North, 5 minutes drive from his parents town so even though I won't be getting much support from him, his parents have said that they will help as much as they can and to save me childcare costs they will look after DS during the day as they are retired.

They will have him 9am - 6pm so I can get home from my course and do any work or self study that I can fit in. But I'm still worried about the workload. A medicine degree is demanding anyway and with a child and little support from DP I don't know how I am going to cope.
And please don't say that I should not follow my dreams and choose a different course. I am deterined to make this work.

I was thinking of potentially taking a gap year so I start uni at 19 with a 3 year old DS and DP would have been in the army for a year so we would have built up a better routine??

Thank you

What if you don't get into the Uni near your boyfriends parents? Are there other options for you? I wouldn't bother with a gap year, if you get offered a place any place you probably just have to take it.

There are lots of threads on MN about studying medicine with DC so have a search, it doesn't matter what age you are. I didn't have DC when I was at Uni so hard to comment but I think the earlier years would've been completely doable. It's the latter part of the course that would be extremely challenging. At that point you can be on placement up to an hour away from your home and working similar shifts to junior doctors.

I suppose the other bit is whilst it's absolutely the right thing for you to study, how do you feel about on potentially missing out on so much of your sons early years? First day at school, nativity play, all the after school activities, parties and sports? I'm not sure I would recommend medicine to my own children sadly. Good luck though!

Grandparents will be invaluable for overnights. That'd be my main worry

Nice fantasy op.

It isn't perfectly so-able and many many people have done it, take hope! It does require huge commitment and will be a lot of work, but actually when you have a child you usually find you work more efficiently as you have to, and don't maybe get as much of the social time, but you get your degree and your child. Depending on the course structure, often placements only really happen in the sense of having to do shifts by the fourth and fifth year. Even then often in a placement you will work one weekend and one pair of nights sat in a long block, usually pretty flexible over when this is, and you get your timetable well ahead of time. The admin who arrange placement locations and timetables will know you have a child, and you can put requests in - they don't guarantee to honour them but will do their best, usually really helpful. Also can swap with other students. Maybe worth calling for a chat once you have your offers? See what support and what flexibility they can offer you? And take a good look at the course structure as they do vary widely. If you can work solidly nine to six and then do a bit in the evenings you will be fine. Lots of medics manage to fit in jobs, a serious rugby commitment and a very active social life and still do fine. And plenty of medics either start med school with a child, acquire one while at med school, or in foundation years. Your early years in training and tbh all years till consultant post will be more of a juggle, but like all of us you will manage it! Best of luck xx

It may be possible if grandparents are able to do a lot of childcare (and obviously we have no crystal ball to know if they'll be able to due to health or other circumstances to cover 5 years med school and foundation years). I didn't study medicine but did a health degree and we shared medical school with them- when I studied there were evening lectures and other commitments after hours. Placements were also spread far and wide.

In the same situation and with the benefit of hindsight I would wait until your son is older as you'll miss out on a lot of his young years being at university and studying.

seven??? What the hell are you doing here?

What are you going to do re deployments and postings with your DP? It sounds like your DS won't see much of either parent, and I'd be worried relying on DP's parents would become difficult after a year or two as they will be signing up to essentially raise them. I wouldn't take a gap year though, don't put it off, get if done and over.

To have got as far as interviews for medicine with a 2 year old is an amazing achievement. Congratulations! Presumably you were going through GCSEs while pregnant or with a new baby and then volunteering, work experience etc etc with a toddler and A levels with a 2 year old. Wow! If you can do that, you can probably do medicine!

To me the key issue sounds like your relationship with your in-laws (dp's parents) and how you feel about them having a very major role in your ds's life (and how they feel about it).

If you trust them absolutely to care for your ds in the way you want him cared for and they are happy to take on a very full time proxy parenting role with long days and overnights, and if you are happy for your ds to be in effectively a shared care situation with the extended family, then there is no reason why it couldn't be completely do-able if incredibly hard work.

On the other hand if there are any tensions between you and the in-laws or differences in child-rearing approaches that will worry you. Or if they envisage a more occasional babysitting role rather than full-on parenting for extended periods, then you need to think carefully.

Good luck at your interviews!

Zilphas I think it obvious what I meant.

Nobody asked you what you meant. I asked you what you're doing here.

I'm currently in third year of medicine with two children and it is doable as long as you have plenty of support.

I personally think it would be a good idea to take a gap year-you are only 18 and having such a young child is so demanding plus after you start you won't be able to spend as much quality time with them. Kid there are loads of post grads, if anything you would be one of the youngest.

In terms of the course at my uni, it is demanding and you will find you will be working most evenings in the week. I found this particularly hard to adjust to...getting up at 7 being in uni most of the day, going straight home to pick kids up, do some housework, bath and bedtime then straight to work til 10-11 at night is incredibly draining.

Make sure you really want to do the course...there are times when I have regretted it and wish I had an easier life. I found the first year in particular to be a roller coaster of emotions. There isn't that much evening work scheduled in third year (none fist two years), not sure how much this changes in fourth and fifth year

Good luck in applying!

I had DS( now 13) when I was I had a year of medical school to go. I'm now a GP.
It was HARD. really really hard. I trained / worked full time up until I fully qualified as a GP. I now work PT(when I want to).

The main thing is that you have family / DP support. DH was in military when I got pregnant but left when DS was little. This helped a lot. There will be times when you need overnight childcare on christmas eve/ you get your rota on a tuesday and find out you need to work nights from that evening and need childcare. Your leave is likely to be fixed. This means no holidays for several years and seeing little of your DP. You will also miss sports day/ plays/ school gate stuff. The deanery/ hospital will cut you very little slack because you have children. I faced at times a 2 hour each way commute when I was heavily pregnant and had a toddler at home ( I went on to have more children as a junior doctor). The people who fill the rotas don't care about individual circumstances. I am nearing 40 and only just finishing paying off debts I accumulated as a student/ junior doctor. Things are much worse now than they were then so expect to accumulate a lot of debt.

If you can be bothered with all that, PLUS the worry that every complaint may be career ending and that your behaviour is constantly under surveillance and is expected to be exemplary at all times then there can be moments that make it all worth while. I now generally enjoy my job and am my own boss, Plus the money is ok and means I can pay the bills ( but you are unlikely to earn mega bucks- hardly anyone has for the last decade). Like most people in my 30's in medicine I'm currently planning to retire as early as possible and moving away from patient facing work a.s.a.p.

If I had my time again I'm not sure the sacrifices were worth it. Have a careful think about why you want to do medicine and if there is something related that isnt so physically and emotionally demanding which pays the bills

I'm a bit older than you Op with an older Dc and a live in Dp who works from home and so does majority of daytime childcare etc.

It's phenomenally difficult, the guilt when I am stuck in seminars or placements and its parents night or nativity plays etc is dreadful.

Even just the fact that my sundays- the only day that we have 'free' have to be devoted to revision, reading and course work.

I can sort it in my head by the fact it's brought dd and Dp (her father) closer but I often feel rotten about it.

I'm in so I have to get through the other side now but I don't feel like a great parent throughout this experience.

Op go for it, I don't see why your age has anything to do with it, in fact I would have thought you will have more energy and sounds like more support than someone like me who studied medicine in my 30s with a small baby and no family support st all.
You will fly and make a great doctor. Medicine needs more people like you. Good luck!

One daughter is FY2 and has worked horrendous hours in past two years. Other is 6th year (intercalated) so I'm not being judgemental, I'm being realistic about workload. My son is an army officer.
Student has had to travel all over the place (2 hours either way) for some placements, has worked nights and long shifts. They don't have 'long holidays' after 3rd year. Our eldest (like many others) had resits during first three years holidays sometimes. She works 13/14 hour shifts regularly and does 1:3 weekends.
Our son has no control over his life and gets deployed at short notice due to his specialism. Relationships are tough for him regardless of commitment because of this.
I understand one gets pregnant through sex but remain of opinion a truly determined, bright sixth former should be responsible enough to manage effective contraception- personally, I'd want responsible people taking up the places at medical school. It might be you have matured since then but I still don't think you understand just how hard it is. How little glamour there is and how hard life post degree is.
Teaching just doesn't compare.

Haffdonga
We don't know that the OP has taken her A'Levels yet. There is no mention of this in the OP.

Crumbs1 One in six pregnancies among women in Britain are unplanned. Does that mean that theses women don't know how to use effective contraception? No contraception is 100% (in fact a condom is only 82% effective) so there is never a 100% chance that you wont get pregnant. And I understand the difficulties of raising a child. I'm raising my son in a world where teen mums are shunned and hidden away and it's hard. A teenage girl could sleep around and not be shamed, but as soon as she gets pregnant (even if she has only ever had sex once) then she is labelled a slut? Or unintelligent? Or careless? How is that fair?

Everybody makes mistakes (and although I wouldn't change my life for the world), it is hard and and I am paying for my mistakes. I just don't feel that because I am a teen mum I have to give up on my dreams? Post grads study medicine with families? So why can't I. I understand that it is hard and nobody's life is glamorous or perfect. You just have to give it a go and see where you end up.

I know Bleu. I'm assuming she hasn't taken them yet as she is only 18. She has a lot of work to do!

Teaching just doesn't compare

Oh how little you know of the life of a teacher.

Blue2 I do my a-levels in June but I am predicted A's and A*'s so hopefully I will achieve them :)

I'd want responsible people taking up the places at medical school.

She chose to be a parent at 16 years old, she has raised a child for two years whilst taking exams, and running her own home, she has planned a future career and how she will get there and she has arranged a childcare plan for her child. I challenge you to walk into any school or 6th form college right now and find a single student who is that responsible. Even better, I challenge you to go into a university in September, locate the medical students and ask them how they spent the previous night. I guarantee you the OP will be one of very few who wasnt boking up their test tube shots at the side door of a night club in town.

I am a teen mum. I'm 18 and have a 2 year old DS with my current boyfriend who has just been signed into the army. How will this change life for us? We curerntly live near to my university but I understand that he will be stationed far away? Will I be able to continue my studies? How is life in general different?
*DP also wants us to get married before he is deployed as apparently girlfriends have very little rights in terms of the army? We have a child together and a house so the next stage would naturally be get married. But I really want to finish my studies first (I am training in medicine so it's a long 6 year course).

Thank you for your help*

OP this is your post yesterday.

In yesterday's post you state you are already at University.

Today you're at the interview stage.

Hmm..........

How far into his training is your DP OP?

I dont have experience of medicine (although I know about the shifts/placements/junior doctors years and know it's not easy) but it will be doable, please don't listen to the negative people on this thread. I went to college, then uni with 2 small children (so 5 years in total) and worked a night job to make ends meet. I now work a very good job that is providing us with a comfortable life now my children are the later stage of primary aged and my prospects are only getting better. I also divorced their dad in 2nd year and still managed to graduate with a first in a highly competitive industry. All the way along people told me I wouldn't be able to do it for various reasons, I did. And no it wasn't always easy, and yes, sometimes I saw less of my children than I would have liked. There will be a way to achieve your dream of you're determined. Just wanted to give you some much needed cheerleading! (And even if it did go tits up at least you tried! I can't imagine not even trying on the basis that it might be too hard!)

Blue2 We live near the university I have applied too. I haven't gotten a place yet. I should have made that clear