Children's behaviour much worse when both me and DH around

[RainbowBriteRules]

2 DC age 6 and just turned 4. They have their moments with just one of us but this is manageable and they generally behave.

When both DH and I are around (he is their father) their behaviour is so much worse. I have just google searched and found no advice at all but maybe I was searching the wrong thing? Today as soon as he came in from work they started screaming and shouting and generally running wild and have now missed out on their television programme and been sent to bed early.

It seems ridiculous that it is harder when we are all together than if one of us has both DC on our own. Any tips anyone?

Same. They're younger (1 & 3) but constant whining and tantrums only ever happen when we're both there. (DP is SAHD so evenings and weekends). I was hoping it was a toddler "phase" but reading here, maybe not.

It's exhausting because I know they can be delightful but most of the time I see them they're acting up a bit.

I'm guessing the conflicting approaches in the past may have confused them or they are playing you off against each other. Agree an approach and stick to it. Relentlessly. Present a united front.

Wolfiefan, we perhaps could be more relentless yes.

My 3 year old is like this. I don't know if your DH has any flexibility around his working hours but what has worked for us is shifting his working hours back by an hour so he sees DS in the morning and gives him breakfast, but isn't back for bedtime. Also means I get a bit of a lie in (still up in the night with 9 month old DS2 so I don't feel guilty!)

All flexibility used for covering my pick ups when I work late sometimes. Good idea though - they barely see DH in the mornings as I get them ready (DD1 mostly does herself these days) and myself and he gets himself ready and makes lunches.

To be fair he leaves much earlier than us every day except the days I work but we are very separate in the mornings. I wonder if that is part of the problem.

We have this same problem and have done for years. Dc are nearly 3 and 5. Ds5 is usually the worst. Dh and I both work part time so it's not a daddy-novelty thing, but we also have different ideas of boundaries and when to stop things, so I think that may be partly to blame. I do often disagree with dh in front of the kids so maybe we should do more kitchen whispering in future!

It got to the point recently where I was staying later at work to avoid the bedtime chaos...but I felt silly so stopped that pretty quick.

Common problem then. It is so frustrating.