Ever pick a battle you wish you hadn't?

[Penguin13]

DD 2.2 yo discovered some Christmas crackers hidden behind our kitchen door. Decided not to let her pull one, which provoked a meltdown but once I'd made the choice I felt like I should just keep calmly reiterating that she couldn't have it and stay with her through her tantrum rather than giving in, even though it wouldn't actually have been a big deal to let her have one. Should I just have given in and let her have one? It seemed a remarkable amount of upset over such a small thing (I know, welcome to toddlerville ) but I doubt it was actually about the cracker in the end so maybe it was best to let her get it all out. Not sure why I'm posting exactly guess I just wondered if anyone else had those moments of realising halfway through something that maybe you made the wrong choice but feeling like you have to follow through for consistency's sake.

Well if you hadn't stuck to your guns she'd learn to have a meltdown on the off chance you'd change your mind.

Parents rarely say no out of spite - a no should be accepted as final. It's good practice

Done that plenty of times, but yes, you do have to follow through, especially with toddlers.

I think that's a lesson in thinking before automatically saying no. As you say, it really wouldn't have been a big deal to let her have one.

Good point thebooks hindsight is a beautiful thing Going to let myself off not being the quickest of thinkers on this occasion since I am 34 weeks pg with DC2 and am utterly shattered but definitely food for future thought

Yup! My default is 'no' and sometimes for no good reason. So I'm learning to take the easier route sometimes to prevent a meltdown. But a compromise is often the best way once the tantrum has started - so maybe suggesting the crackers were for after dinner. Thinking up something, anything, so you can both keep face!!

I like your style Princess

I do love a compromise. My 4yo is now a pro and is learning the art of negotiation 😁

Yes, been there and done that! Sometimes I don't know why I really said no either, but I did and I can't back down. It's always the little silly things isn't it? Like saying no you can't play with that hammer/ drill/ lighter/ glass is just accepted and moved on from but the one time you say no to an item that wouldn't have been the end of the world in hindsight it causes chaos!

In that situation with a toddler I might have said
I'm sorry you can't have a cracker in here but I have just realised we can pull one in the garden
so that I was being consistent but also letting it happen.
Mostly I just try hard to only say no for a really good reason.

I do the automatic no thing . but o sometimes remember to go for a neutral answer, Like I'll think about that, or let me see. Just a few seconds seems to buy more brain power.

DD(5) still seems to consider "we'll see" an acceptable answer to most demands. I don't know how much longer that will work but I'm making the most of it!

Ha Shut I still totally use 'we'll see' and 'mmmmm maybe' and variations thereof on DH quite successfully and he is 36 Not that he needs permission from me for much but it's subtext for 'that is a terrible idea but I'm going to park it for now and hope that you forget'. Currently being applied to some er....' creative' name choices for DC 2.