What kind of mother am I? :(

[cuddlebug]

My son (4 months), is currently going through some sort of leap because all he ever does is cry & cry, moody and always fights sleep.

My OH, my son and I went for a meal and he was tired but he just won't sleep in his pram, our food came & every time we put him down he kept pulling a tantrum and arched his back and screamed (he doesn't have reflux or anything like that it is purely a tantrum) so I held him and said that look at us, he has changed our lives and made it a nightmare & I cannot be arsed with putting up with this shit all the time cos its fucking pissing me off and we should not have had a baby.. and my OH was utterly shocked at it. I really did not mean to say it and now I feel guilty and heartbroken that I could even think of saying them kind of words :( I don't know how on Earth I can forgive myself for it! He is my rainbow after losing 3 pregnancies so how the hell can I even say that.. I am a horrible person

Esme Ha! I had a tooth abscess, a mere 3 weeks in - under normal circs it would have seemed like a horrible painful thing, having it dealt with (no anaesthetic as i didnt think that would be good while BFing) ...I very nearly fell asleep in the dentists chair as it was the most relaxing thing I'd done since DD was born!(and DH was just about at tethers end when I got back)

I have said something similar in the past about my DS (now 2). He was an ivf baby so very much wanted. I think it's a normal reaction. Motherhood I'd really hard sometimes. Keep going you're doing fine xxx

The back arching is usually a sign of discomfort, not tantrum. When my DC was this young we still went out a lot - if he wasn't happy in the pram one of would have him sitting up on their lap and hold him with one hand while eating with the other. Or we would take turns holding But don't worry, this stage will pass eventually (maybe smarter to order take away for awhile) and as others have said, completely normal to react the way you did when feeling overwhelmed.

You are being way too tough on your self.
It's soooooo hard when you can't put your baby down, I hated it, and at times her.

My best advice is buy a sling, and know he will grow out of it. They are not babies for ever, and I promise, it gets easier.
And remember, it's your hormones talking. X

We have all been there or similar. It's so frickin hard sometimes and relentless.

Try to get a few nights of a reverse lie in, going to bed at 7.30pm. It really really helps.
Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself only a good mother has these massive guilt feelings!!!

When my dd was a similar age and would not stop crying I screamed 'shut up!' So loud that she jumped, put her in her moses basket, went into the kitchen and sat on the floor sobbing with my fingers in my ears. This was swiftly followed by returning to her, holding her and sobbing that I was sorry and begging her to forgive me. She had colic and cried for 10 hours a day. Give yourself a break. It's hard going but you get through it. Me and dd are so close and have a great relationship. You are only human.

Op, I have a 4 month old and went out for dinner today! Was hard work!
He wouldn't sit down in a high chair, in his buggy or on anyone other than me.
He wouldn't feed or sleep!
I ate my meal with one hand with him perched on my shoulder after cutting up my food with dp walked him to the bar and back!
I really enjoyed getting out though. I have a 4 year old and although this stage is hard, it isn't endless and passes soon.
Before long, they will be sitting up properly in the high chair and eating dinner too!