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Original poster

Continuing with childcare for DC1 when heavily pregnant with DC2?

12 replies

NewMumSept2014 · 15/02/2017 10:11

Does this make me a bad parent?
DD (2.5y) usually goes to nursery full time while I work. I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and am on maternity leave. While I am off we will need to keep paying for her place as I will have to return to work full time and there's a ridiculously long waiting list for places.
I'd love to spend more time with her before the baby comes but am finding it really tough as she's so full of energy and I just can't keep up. This means the days I've kept her out of nursery either she gets bored, or I'm so tired by the afternoon that i can't do it anymore. Everyone ends up miserable.
So far I've kept her in 4 days a week (reduced hours- pick between at 2-4). She loves it and has so much more fun than when she's off, but I feel horrendously guilty and like an awful parent.
I guess in the longer run once I've had the baby I'm planning to be a bit more flexible and just see how it goes/ how I feel and leave her in nursery the days I need more sleep.
Just wondering if anyone else in a similar situation and what you did/ will do?

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Semaphorically · 15/02/2017 10:16

I'm on maternity leave and DD1 is still in nursery (part time). She loves it, I like the time to myself / with DD2, and we can afford it, so it works well for us. I think DD gets a lot out of going to nursery that I can't offer her on my own.

drinkyourmilk · 15/02/2017 10:21

She's happy there, so think no more about it. No need to feel guilty at all!
You can reconsider when baby is here and you've settled into life with two.
Nothing wrong with putting her in half days either if you feel you'd like to have time with just baby, or sleep!

ElspethFlashman · 15/02/2017 10:23

I was in a similar situation. I kept the place and was grateful to an emotional degree once baby was here!

Baby got the best of me lying on the soda BFing, Toddler got to have loads of fun activities with their friends, and it definitely helped swerve any jealousy as they didn't feel ignored for the baby. Once they came home in the late afternoon I had enough energy to make a big fuss of them and didn't feel guilty paying less attention to the baby as I'd had 1:1 with baby all day. So Toddler didn't actually realise I was so obsessed with the baby!

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likewhatevs · 15/02/2017 10:29

Don't. Just don't. You are paying for the place anyway and it will be so lovely to spend 1:1 with your baby. When they aren't the 1st, they so often don't get this time with you (as well as you getting them time with them)
Your DD is happy so its a win win situation.

When DS2 was born, DS1 was 2.8. I didn't have to leave him in nursery, but I reduced his hours to 2 days a week so he had the continuity. It would have been worse for him to take him out completely, then return him when I went back to work.

No guilt please!

Gardencentregroupie · 15/02/2017 10:35

Guilt? Are you joking? I started looking into nursery when I found out I was pregnant, the combination of a rest for me (making me a better parent) and DD getting to play with other children regularly in an environment where people weren't huge grumpy and knackered seemed like a win-win. She loves her nursery now and it will provide some stability when her homelife goes topsy turvy.

MrsDc7 · 15/02/2017 10:40

Don't feel guilty. I did the same thing and it kept me SANE! We all feel guilty most of the time ha... part of being a good mum I'm afraid. You would feel guilty if you kept her home and she was bored, at least there she has her friends and lots of activities. Much better than being sat in front of the TV because you're so (understandably) exhausted. Don't put pressure on yourself to take her out of nursery more when baby is born either

MrsDc7 · 15/02/2017 10:41

By the way... if you were a bad parent you wouldn't be on mumsnet asking if we think you're a bad parent! Don't be so hard on yourself

Youhaveupdates1 · 15/02/2017 12:18

Don't feel guilty, my ds2 is 6 months old and i wished I could have afforded to put him with his childminder for more days a week (currently with her two blissful days) simply because it's easier for me to bond with ds2 and these days are where I get out the house and run errands that would be much harder with both baby and toddler. Ds1 loves going to childminder as she takes him out doing activities which I am not always able to do!
Today I am enjoying not being called mummy a million times a day
Make the most of your time alone before baby comes as it can feel like a whirlwind once baby is here

chloechloe · 15/02/2017 12:40

I could have written your post!

DD1 is nearly 2 and was in nursery 8-4 while I was working. I've kept the same hours whilst on my second mat leave - DD2 is now 2 months.

I feel really guilty about it, but DD1 loves going to nursery. I thought about reducing the hours, but to pick her up a few hours early would only save about 20Eur a month so I would rather have the flexibility of the longer hours. Where we live it's been minus degrees this winter so there's not much fun to be had outside especially with a newborn in tow. When the weather starts getting better I'll start picking her up earlier to go to the park and there's also a music class I think she'll like.

For the time being I think she'd rather spend the afternoon bouncing around in the gym room they have at nursery. I still feel soooo bad about it though!

IfUPlease · 15/02/2017 12:47

So happy to read this! DD1 is 2.9 and we have kept her in her routine of 3 days a week in childcare while I'm on mat leave. She LOVES it. She gets so bored with me at home and now DD2 is here, I think it's important she has a place to go to burn off energy and be around her friends. I felt guilty for about a minute until I realised that she doesn't even look back to say bye when I drop her off in the morning...

Sunnie1984 · 15/02/2017 13:17

Definitely the best thing to do!

I'm pregnant with DC3 and we have carried on with childcare as if I were still working.

I've taken all my annual leave before my maternity kicks in, and so the nursery hours won't reduce until about six weeks after the baby is due.

I've kept the days but just reduced to school hours at that stage.

It's been amazing. I'm getting some real downtime and rest and my kids are occupied and happy.

soundsystem · 15/02/2017 14:45

Absolutely no reason to feel guilty!

I have a 2 week old, and a two-year-old. Two year old is in nursery 4 days a week, with me licking her up earlier, same as you. When the baby's 6 weeks DD1 will drop to 2 days s week in nursery do I hVe some time with her, done home alone with DC2, and she doesn't have her routine disrupted too much and keeps her nursery place. All good.

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