Tips to help 4 week old self soothe

[carly190117]

Hi,
My 4 week old son is having trouble sleeping at night. He will happily fall fast asleep in my arms but as soon as I put him in his crib he wakes and cries. When I pick him up he will stop and fall back to sleep. He is in a Chicco next to me crib and I have tried keeping contact with him (hold his hand, rub his belly, stroke his head etc) to try help him fall back asleep without picking him up and I've also tried letting him cry it out but he gets himself that upset he will then be sick. Does anyone have any other suggestions/advice??

www.isisonline.org.uk/app/

Look at this website OP - it should help with lots of questions about sleep

Crying is the only way he has of telling you he NEEDS you. Please respond to him straight away when he cries as it's his way of communicating his needs to you. Babies who don't get their needs met can struggle in other ways later on.
It won't last forever.

Have a read about the fourth trimester, it can be helpful to understand that what he's doing is completely normal.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2012/11/04/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-baby-is-only-happy-in-your-arms/amp/?client=safari

As others have said. Your baby is far too little to self sooth.

Enjoy the cuddles, they don't last forever

Aw you poor thing. It's hard. You're post partum, if this is your first your head will be reeling with worry and tiredness, you'll feel hopeless and unsure about so much. Just follow your instincts. Your baby needs your body for warmth and love and security and all the rest. I've fallen asleep many times sitting upright holding a newborn, not ideal but you soon learn to do what you need to do to just get through it. Don't let your baby cry, do cuddle and stroke and feed and wind and all the rest. It feels like ages when you're in it, but it will settle down soon enough. 6 weeks is a good turning point normally.

Lucky you with a 4wo

OP, just want to send you some encouragement. Those first few weeks are so, so hard. You obviously love your baby very much, or else you wouldn't be wasting your time asking about soothing.

The other day I was trying to swap some stuff over from my old Kindle to my new one, and I came across lots of books about newborns I'd bought in the middle of the night on Amazon in the first few weeks of my DS's life, and I never got a moment to read a page of any of them....Before I had him I wondered what people with a baby did all day as I thought they'd have hours and hours of time on their hands every day ... I soon learned...

Do you have a 'V' shaped cushion? Very useful for feeding but also good for propping you up at an angle so he can sleep on your chest.

It's incredibly hard isn't it? But all you need to be doing at this stage is cleaning your teeth and try to shower daily. Everything else can be let go. A couple more weeks of holding him. I remember 6 weeks being a milestone, then 12 - they constantly change.

My baby is 15 now. Years, not weeks. I remember that mite sleeping on my chest like it was yesterday. So precious.

Erm anyone one saying cuddle your baby!
At 4 weeks they just want milk and mum - try being cruel to him at 4+ months not at an age where he doesn't even know his own hands/feet!

To help him sleep you need to properly fill his tummy, really burp him a long time and thrn make sure he's comfy in cot - you can warm sheets before you put him down with a hot water bottle and put an item of your worn clothing in cot to make him think you are near.
Then swaddle swaddle swaddle at this age so his startle reflex won't wake him.
Try so putting the cot at a bit of an angle - the Chico can do this easily.

give it another 6 months before trying that!

He doesn't have trouble sleeping at night! That is an entirely adult point of view. He is not in any way aware that night exists, or that sleep exists.

He doesn't know you are there without picking him up because you are holding his hand or stroking his belly, he doesn't even know he has a hand or a belly.

A four week old cannot self soothe, why don't you want to hold him? You can't spoil him by holding him, it's what he needs.

The health visitors will always advise you not to do this.... if you don't smoke, don't drink, are not on any medication, and are not absolutely tired to the point where you will totally pass out, then it is safe. Absolutely safe to do so.
You will not roll onto him and suffocate him.

I would say, if your scared, get a tommee tippie bad may sensor, put it under him on your bet, put your arm scooped around him, and make sure the mat is not going to pick up your breathing motion, and get some kip whilst he does.
Absolutely agree with googling 4th trimester.

You're doing well, and I see you've tried to get him to self smooth whilst not actually leaving him alone, but honestly, totally impossible at this stage x

He's struggling with wind and/or reflux go to GP for suggestions or try infacol or similar

Op, more people co-sleep than is let on, it might be better to just accept it. Like pp mentioned a V-shaped pillow. Or just prop yourself up with pillows under each arm either side of you in bed and baby on top of your chest and baby's head on your t-shirt (I'd avoid head on your skin as they sweat!!) Maybe with a single sheet to keep your arms and baby warm if there is a draft.

It will get easier and you will totally miss co-sleeping!(of course follow safe co-sleeping guidelines like not being drunk etc) congrats on your baby. I miss the newborn weeks.

Sorry about my use of the word baby. Drives me mad when other people say 'baby' not 'your baby'! 😂

Op I don't co sleep, I'm too nervous, but from the day my little man was born I him til he falls asleep, let him sleep in my arms until I'm ready to go to bed, put him into his bed and he rarely wakes, he sleeps all night and has done since he was 12 weeks, ignore your health visitor with regards to holding him, he needs you and as others have said you'll miss it one day

*i hold him

I was dead set against co sleeping until I had my son.

The stats against co sleeping are skewed somewhat as they include sleeping on the sofa (which is very dangerous) in with sleeping on a bed. As long as you follow safe guidelines the risks are low.

The co-sleeping risks are also skewed as it takes into account SIDS from those who don't plan to co-sleep so end up falling asleep in bed (or on couch like pp says) by mistake.

If you follow the guidelines (so only if breastfeeding, no duvet, not had alcohol/drugs, don't smoke, firm mattress, no gaps that baby could get trapped) and plan to co sleep safely, rather than falling asleep by accident, it is low risk.

Please don't let anyone on this thread make you feel bad for doing what you need to to get a little sleep. Baby does need you, yes, but he needs you to be functioning and well too

My DD is 9 weeks. She spent a good few weeks needing to be held and rocked to sleep. Change, feed, cuddle and sing to her until she was asleep, then yes, put down. I kept doing this until she slept. In the day she will fight sleep sometimes but I have just woken get for a feed at 3 because she has started sleeping through and went off at 7.30 last night!

It is okay to do what you feel is beat provided it is safe.

This is normal, please don't let him cry it out, he's way too young!
Mine is 6 months and only jusr starting to show signs of self soothing

In response to your question about no to get him to sleep - is he bf or ff? I only have experience bf but I used to feed my dd to sleep, sometimes rock her, but always holding her.

We did co-sleep but I was always too worried to let her sleep on my chest at night, so I would let her conk out in my arms with a full tummy, burp, rock and hold her for a good while and very gently lay her down in the next to me. She was very refluxy and brought up a lot of milk each and every time until I was given a sleepyhead pod that kept her at a slight incline which did help a lot. I did this each and every time she woke through the night. It took me a while to learn how to feed her to sleep with her lying down next to me, but if you're bf I would give it a go.

Oh and swaddling in a big light muslins! That was a huge help.

Good luck

One more thing - at least for the first few weeks I woke my DH up pretty much every time I woke up. He would make me tea, bring me biscuits/cake/food, chat quietly to me to help keep me awake and functioning. I remember it being so hard but also kind of lovely (though this might be an additional glow I've given to things to enable me to have another! )

Op, as others have said co-sleeping is far more common than you realise because we have been made to feel that it's unsafe so people are reluctant to say they do it.

Co-sleeping is safe but you must follow the safe co-sleeping guidelines. This means not on the sofa and not in your arms!

My DS is 5 weeks but my second so this time round my health visitor actually pointed out the pages about co-sleeping in the booklet from the lullaby trust!

You have received some good advice here, OP. However, not all of it chimes with my experience as a new mum.

My 9 week old baby doesn't especially like being put down either. I never leave her to cry for longer than a minute or so, not because I think it will harm her but because in my experience she doesn't calm down or stop, so the only thing that is going to work is giving her what she needs. That involves lots of cuddling, rocking, holding etc. But it doesn't always. Sometimes she wants to be put down and that is why she is crying! Sometimes she wants me to give her some attention and sometimes she is overtired and wants a reduction in stimulation, so dimmed lights, TV off or turned right down, toys away etc. The only thing that has worked for me is to carry on trying putting her down - sometimes it improves the situation, sometimes not.

I have to say I haven't found some of the 'cuddle, cuddle, cuddle - enjoy it!' MN advice that helpful If I did that, I a) wouldn't enjoy it, because there are times my arms are so tired I want to cry, and I don't find that enjoyable and b) the baby wouldn't be in any sort of routine at all.

And she is in a routine! Even at 4 weeks I had some elements of a routine in place: wake up, change baby, feed baby, settle baby for a short nap if possible, clean up detritus of the previous night (nappies etc) and wash and dress baby if not sleeping, eat something myself, wash, feed (and usually change) baby, try to get out of the house for an hour or two (cafe or book shop) or watch some TV, eat lunch, do some housework, feed and change etc.

And all of that took place amidst much rocking, singing and comforting of the baby! But if I had had aimed only to brush my teeth in a whole day and just constantly 'cuddle, cuddle, repeat' I can honestly say I think I would have gone nuts.

That isn't advice. Just my experience.